What's wrong with venting ?

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chris1989
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11 May 2023, 1:08 pm

Before I came on here, I remember when I used to nearly always use social media by simply posting a lot of negative things in the What's on your mind box which I think I did in some way to get attention by moaning about something in order to get a surprised or angry reaction. I did the same with messaging people as well even to some people I didn't really know. Sometimes I did this whenever something upset me or put me in a bad mood. I remember it all starting after having spent a year and a half as a new member on social media and was eager to share photos and things but they received little comments from people and so did any positive posts and so at the time whenever I was having a bad day at college or at home I would resort to going online and posting something negative and sometimes I felt very frustrated and upset that I didn't care what I wrote down even if it might concern other people. Sometimes I used to say things on there like ''Oh I feel everybody hates me.'', or something like ''I know better than someone else does''. Sometimes I would get replies from people but they'll just tell me to go away and leave them alone and block me or not answer at all, one person thought I was being very self-absorbed which only upset me even more and some would offer me advice but I'd carry on to the point where even those people stopped being sympathetic to me. I did this knowing full well that other people have problems to deal with and so don't post it online but I can't understand why I continued to vent online despite knowing this. It would upset me and I would also become defensive if people perceived that I suffering from depression or some other kind of mental illness when in real life I haven't as they clearly don't see who I am personally. I only wrote those things because I was angry, upset or in a bad mood.

I don't know if I now the reason why people still won't talk to me is because I have disillusioned or alienated people and so that's why they've blocked me, don't message me back etc ? Hardly anyone on there even speaks to me on there today and I stopped posting negative posts on social media knowing that it wasn't getting me anywhere so I don't do it now. I still feel though like a pariah though.



goldfish21
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18 May 2023, 5:45 pm

Kind of answered your own question. People don't like bitching and complaining. It's off putting. It doesn't make them want to chat with you or hangout with you in person - even if you Think you're better about things in person.. what you post online is a reflection of who you are, as well as your lack of social awareness that enabled you to post things like that in the first place.

Silence is better than negativity. Give it time. Maybe make some neutral or positive posts once in a while, expressing gratitude and appreciation for _____ something in your life, or some people, or some event etc. Maybe people will slowly begin to shape a different perception of who you are and might consider communicating with you.

Vent here, to the wind, to the Universe or God etc but you're not doing yourself any favours doing it on social media.


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colliegrace
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18 May 2023, 6:48 pm

I had to learn the hard way that constantly complaining tends to be unpleasant for other people. I'm the reason my friend group's discord server has rules now. I always just saw it as being open, but that's not how it is.


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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18 May 2023, 6:54 pm

chris1989 wrote:
... and was eager to share photos and things but they received little comments from people and so did any positive posts


There is a not to be overlooked cause and effect there.

The 2 part question is, how to be, about it; what to do, about it :?:

Quote:
and so at the time whenever I was having a bad day at college or at home I would resort to going online and posting something negative and sometimes I felt very frustrated and upset that I didn't care what I wrote down even if it might concern other people. ...


It might be time to explore other ways to be and how to get there from here.


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AprilR
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19 May 2023, 4:16 am

Constantly being negative affects other people's mood. I thought it did not affect me but it does to me as well.

When my parents (mostly mom) are feeling depressed or sad i also feel it too strongly and sometimes cannot handle those feelings, so i distance myself from her.



MatchboxVagabond
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20 May 2023, 8:30 am

Mainly because it tends to be off-putting when that's too much of what you're doing. In general, you need at least 3 positive things to counteract one negative thing. And venting tends to be even stronger, so it may require larger positives to counteract it or more of them.

But, just like with anger, it can be somewhat addictive and it also isn't productive. It can help to loosen the logjam in your head, but beyond that it's best not to.



chris1989
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20 May 2023, 4:51 pm

I don't know whether I feel the reason is why people are not talking to me much on social media or not at all because I've disillusioned or alienated people I do know and don't know because of so many negative posts and messages. I feel like a pariah because of it.



Rossall
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20 May 2023, 5:10 pm

If you start the number of threads that you do on here you should expect some irritation from other users.

Welcome to The Haven

This area is protected more than any other forum on this site. When someone posts here, they are in distress and seeking help and support from other members.


viewtopic.php?t=297515


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DanielW
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20 May 2023, 5:25 pm

There's nothing wrong with venting in and of itself. The problem come from the fact that the person on the receiving end may not want to hear it (especially if that's all they hear from the person venting.) People who do a lot of venting, typically do little else.

Everyone needs to vent from time to time, but if you vent about the same thing over and over again, it means you aren't doing anything to change the problem, at that is also very frustrating for the person on the receiving end.



ProfessorJohn
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23 May 2023, 4:48 pm

One problem with venting is that it doesn't fix anything. The energy you use on it would be better spent trying to fix or solve the issue.