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Joe90
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18 May 2023, 3:50 am

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How is it expensive to get married if you’re not planning on doing a wedding or reception and all that stuff? No rings/dress/catered meal etc, just a marriage licence piece of paper to sign can’t be too costly no ?

It's still expensive, as you've got to pay for a registrar and book a venue, both cost.

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Also, if it’s your name on the lease and you keep paying the rent you’ll still have your home. He’s not required to be living there in order for you to keep a rented home that’s in your name.

Both our names are on the lease and we both pay rent (half each). But I'm not sure I'll be able to afford to stay here on my own. If we were in council I'd feel a lot more secure, as you are more likely to be financially supported in council, plus council is cheaper. Private landlords can do what they like and if they don't want you there any more they can just kick you out.

I wouldn't want to leave my job and work somewhere else. This is an autism forum remember, where a lot of us struggle in the employment world and it took years for this job to finally come up. I hate going backwards, I'd rather go forwards.


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bee33
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18 May 2023, 4:56 am

I don't live in the UK so I'm not familiar with landlord/tenant laws there, but it looks like it's not that easy for a landlord to evict you, or at the very least that it takes quite a bit of time: https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_ ... ld_tenants



Misslizard
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18 May 2023, 9:57 am

I had money from Mother’s Day but the starter quit on the truck.
When you are broke money always goes to fix something.I was going to buy some fun stuff for when my daughter visits.
Instead I get to buy an auto part.


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18 May 2023, 10:03 am

Misslizard wrote:
I had money from Mother’s Day but the starter quit on the truck.
When you are broke money always goes to fix something.I was going to buy some fun stuff for when my daughter visits.
Instead I get to buy an auto part.


I think that's why I have an aversion to saving, not that you can save when you have no money.


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goldfish21
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18 May 2023, 10:40 am

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
How is it expensive to get married if you’re not planning on doing a wedding or reception and all that stuff? No rings/dress/catered meal etc, just a marriage licence piece of paper to sign can’t be too costly no ?

It's still expensive, as you've got to pay for a registrar and book a venue, both cost.

Quote:
Also, if it’s your name on the lease and you keep paying the rent you’ll still have your home. He’s not required to be living there in order for you to keep a rented home that’s in your name.

Both our names are on the lease and we both pay rent (half each). But I'm not sure I'll be able to afford to stay here on my own. If we were in council I'd feel a lot more secure, as you are more likely to be financially supported in council, plus council is cheaper. Private landlords can do what they like and if they don't want you there any more they can just kick you out.

I wouldn't want to leave my job and work somewhere else. This is an autism forum remember, where a lot of us struggle in the employment world and it took years for this job to finally come up. I hate going backwards, I'd rather go forwards.


Are you sure you have to pay for a registrar And are you REALLY sure you have to book a venue? That doesn't make sense to me. I'm 99.99% sure that here, in a place that was setup as a British colony with British ways of doing things, that people can just go to City Hall and get a marriage licence and sign papers there in their presence and be done with it for whatever their fee is - maybe a couple hundred bucks or something.

Nope, not even, I just looked it up: It's $100cdn for a marriage licence. You pay $100, it arrives in a few weeks, then you need some sort of officiant who's allowed to marry you to sign it as well as two witnesses. No venue required - can be at home. They also allow 30 minute micro-wedding ceremonies at City Halls with those 5 ppl present so it's a done deal. There are many people who are ordained ministers in various churches/religions that can legally marry people, so it's pretty cheap to hire one.

Look into it further. People with next to no money still manage to get married without spending thousands. Here, it can be done for $100 + whatever an officiant costs.. looked it up, it's a fee of $75 plus mileage and the marriage commissioner keeps $50 + the mileage costs for driving there. So around $200 total, about £120. Surely there has to be some basic system in the UK to be able to legally marry and register things on record with the government for a similarly low cost.. especially since there are poor people there who get married, too. Surely it's not illegal to get married at home or maybe in a City Hall or some other government building - a courthouse etc.

Makes me wonder if they list the word "venue," simply meaning "location of your wedding," and you're assuming you must rent a hall/church/hotel banquet room/private wedding area at a resort or golf course etc when in fact they just want to know the time & place and that place could be your home address or a Burger King for all they care. Look into it as it seems to me that you may be mistaken on being required to spend a bunch of money to get legally married.


There's a housing shortage where you live like there is where I live.. which means if you have extra space in the future, you could get a roommate to split the bills. Even if it's a one bedroom, a small bed could go in a living room - people do it here to make rent possible to afford. You'd have options besides straight up just moving to a back alley.

Sometimes people don't want to move or want to leave their job.. but, if circumstances ever dictate that your best possible move is to go and live with family to avoid homelessness, then that may be the time you'd have to leave your job and start a search for another. Not like there aren't buses and bus depots in other areas, could always find a similar job and keep a similar schedule and routine of tasks.


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Misslizard
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18 May 2023, 11:47 am

He may live a very long time with COPD.
My bio- mom has it and she’s in her late seventies and still smoking and has asbestos lung.
To help his breathing get a good air purifier.They aren’t that expensive and he needs good clean air to breathe.


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Joe90
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18 May 2023, 1:13 pm

There are no bus depots where my family live.

Homelessness is the WORST, but having someone living in my living-room is the second worst (unless it's a family member), and leaving my job to live back at my parents house is the third worst, but all scenarios are not what I want it to come to.

Moving back to my parent's house will be a huge disappointment for me because it will feel like I'm going backwards, not forwards. Worse, the absence of my late mum would be felt extremely, plus I'd be heartbroken from losing my boyfriend too (if the worst did happen, God forbid).

Maybe I fear change, although that is NOT the reason I don't want to lose my boyfriend. But you know what I mean. You find your soulmate, fall in love, the job you always wanted comes up, you move out your parents house... only to lose it all and have to come back home, grieving and jobless. I just hate going backwards. Yes I know it is "better than being homeless" but I still don't want it to come to that. I'd feel like I'm the depressed, lonely, unemployed 21-year-old again, except without my mum who I was so close to. :cry: I want to be independent.
I just wish the government would care more about getting adults independence by rewarding the working class with affordable homes.

We don't have £100. Here registrars are expensive. And on top of having to pay out for a number of other things right now. I think I'm just feeling overwhelmed by all these bills, plus worrying about my boyfriend and his health. He seems OK in the day, it's at night when he starts gasping for air, and because it's self-inflicted due to smoking, I can't help but feel angry instead of sympathetic. I think it would do him so much good if he quit the smoking. But he won't even try a vape. I don't know how you help someone who stubbornly won't quit smoking.


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18 May 2023, 1:44 pm

Meh; living at the family home ain’t all bad. I’ve been renting at my parents house for the last ~11 years. I moved here when I needed their help (to avoid homelessness.) and have stayed in part because they’ve needed my help throughout my father’s cancer treatments and now with assistance in his final days/hours - he could take his last breath or his heart could beat its last beat at any moment, really.

But it’s Very Common here for people in my generation to rent from their parents if they can because housing is so obscenely expensive vs local incomes, so it’s not like I’m a rarity of an adult child living at home or anything. It’s fairly normal here now for people to either move back or not move out at all, and not just the Asian cultures that have always lived in multigenerational households. Everyone.

Just pretend you’re enjoying life in one of the world’s least affordable real estate markets if you do ever move back in with family. :p


Financially, even without seeing your total income and expense figures, I still think eliminating your boyfriends car expense asap is the single biggest thing you could do to alleviate financial pressure from your month to month budget. Surely it’s more expensive to maintain, fuel, park etc than the wage he’s earning justifies. You said you’re both on cleaners wages, and surely there are other cleaning jobs closer to home than having to own and operate a vehicle to get to early morning. It must cost, at minimum, hundreds more per month to drive than to walk/take transit to a closer job that pays similarly. Possibly several hundred or even a grand+.

Even with no car payment it costs me about $800-900/mo or so to drive my little car when I’m out of the house 5-7 days a week. And more for the motorcycle, and the van’s been sold on payments but I’ll take over paying insurance and maintenance on my dad’s truck soon and keep it - but even just my little car is $800-900 between maximum discounted insurance, gas, maintenance/oil/tires etc.

A monthly transit pass good for all travel is $185.20 to ride buses and trains BUT the service is horrendous unless you live work and play downtown in a tiny geographical area. Using it from where I live means that a 40 minute drive turns into 3-4 hours on buses/trains and depending on the time of night I’m returning home I might have to end my journey with either a 4km or 7km walk for the last leg. So, anyone who can possibly afford to drive does so we don’t have to give up the rest of our entire lives outside of work hours to riding buses and trains and walking everywhere.

Surely the spread between driving a car and taking public transit is similar where you live. But maybe he doesn’t drive very far so fuel costs aren’t that high I dunno, but it just doesn’t make financial sense to me for someone to pay to own and operate a car to get to and from a job that doesn’t pay well enough to justify the expense of having the car. Would make more sense to sell it and take on a job or two within walking distance, or short transit trip, of home. Cleaning, stocking shelves, cashier etc anything that eliminates the vehicle expense so you can pay all of your monthly bills without slipping further into debt and increasing stress levels.


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Joe90
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18 May 2023, 2:45 pm

Sometimes I just wish I lived in a homely cottage, with people I love and lots of pets, away from the rat race and never having to worry about money.


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18 May 2023, 2:50 pm

Yeah I get that


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Joe90
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18 May 2023, 3:18 pm

babybird wrote:
Yeah I get that


Kind of like in the Winnie The Pooh universe, where they're just surrounded by beautiful woods and fields and just live in their little homes pottering around and...OK I'm fantasizing again. Ignore me. :)


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18 May 2023, 8:11 pm

There are a few upsides to being poor.
Like, you tend to have to get creative with things because you can't afford to spend thousands on the actual thing you'd like.
I quite like the challenge of upcycling and thrifting and so forth.
I do live in the woods in a log cabin now and i have to say it is a nice life, but every location does seem to have its own particular set of challenges to face which you don't always realise before you are there living the life, such as keeping the billion or so trees trimmed and picking up branches so your house doesn't disappear in flames if there's a fire, and keeping gutters and drains clear etc.
I do love it here but its also quite a lot of work.


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Joe90
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19 May 2023, 5:48 am

Misslizard wrote:
He may live a very long time with COPD.
My bio- mom has it and she’s in her late seventies and still smoking and has asbestos lung.
To help his breathing get a good air purifier.They aren’t that expensive and he needs good clean air to breathe.


He seems to be puffing and blowing a lot now even though he's on medication and has 3 different inhalers and is being monitored by his doctor. I've had the ambulance out 3 times in the last 2 months. It can't go on like this. He has to quit smoking, otherwise he won't make old bones.

I used to have a neighbour who died from COPD. She was a heavy smoker and only in her early 60s. She was on medication too. She had a heart attack and it was confirmed that her cause of death was COPD.

I really don't get why people want to do this to themselves. Nobody likes being breathless and being rushed to hospital every few weeks, but apparently they'd rather face that than go through the process of quitting smoking.
I used to poke Q-tips in my ears because they always itched inside. I knew the dangers of that but carried on regardless, thinking that ear damage wouldn't happen to me. Then I got an ear infection with severe vertigo, and it was the worst vertigo I'd ever had. So ever since then, I have not poked a Q-tip in my ear, no matter how good I remember it feeling to get to the itches. I do not want to have vertigo like that again. I had to have time off work (lose pay) and go to the ER. It was horrible.
Also I've had to go on a strict diet because I was borderline diabetes and wanted to lose weight, as diabetes scares me. So I had to cut out my favourite treats and eat less. I hate exercising so I didn't do that, just dieted, and I did lose the weight. I probably will have to stay on the same diet for the rest of my life if I want to maintain a healthy weight and be diabetes-free. I had withdrawal symptoms at first but now I'm so used to dieting that I hardly miss what I used to.

With all my anxiety and stress I get, I am quite surprised at how much will power I have. You can give up anything once you put your mind to it, especially when your life is depending on it like my boyfriend's. He used to panic about getting covid and dying, but dying from COPD doesn't seem to bother him. Well, it does when he can't breathe, but as soon as the hospital has "fixed" him again he smokes the minute he gets back home. If he's beyond help then I find it hard to feel sympathy and I get mad instead. It's all exhausting and could be avoided.


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19 May 2023, 10:01 am

Joe90 wrote:
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How is it expensive to get married if you’re not planning on doing a wedding or reception and all that stuff? No rings/dress/catered meal etc, just a marriage licence piece of paper to sign can’t be too costly no ?

It's still expensive, as you've got to pay for a registrar and book a venue, both cost.

Why? I forget what I paid, but it was less than $200 for a courthouse wedding plus whatever the cost of the dinner following it.

And the dinner is completely optional.



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19 May 2023, 10:04 am

Misslizard wrote:
I had money from Mother’s Day but the starter quit on the truck.
When you are broke money always goes to fix something.I was going to buy some fun stuff for when my daughter visits.
Instead I get to buy an auto part.

Ouch. That's how people get trapped in poverty. Even just $1k in an emergency fund makes a massive difference. Which is easier said than done for those barely making ends meet.