Mikurotoro92
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25 May 2023, 10:30 pm
26 May 2023, 8:45 am
kitesandtrainsandcats wrote:
Disappointment and loneliness led to a time in my 30s where I developed an attitude describable as, when elders I risked telling about my feelings would respond with "Being married is not that big a deal" I would say, Oh, if it is not that big a deal, then why have you made so much effort to gain and maintain it? They would typically, "Umm, well, uhh ..." to which I would respond along the lines of, Yeah, that's what I thought, and your personal credibility just went to the sewer, this conversation is over.
Can remember at that time really not liking going grocery shopping on account of all the couples of varying ages in our local grocery store.
Restaurants weren't much pleasant either.
I was working retail and while that was fun, Christmas and Valentines had an undercurrent of deep sadness.
Yeah, I know marriage can be bad, my brother's first wife came after him with a knife. Her boyfriends (note the plural) abused my brother's sons while the government had him off around the world doing army things in places like Somalia, and to the point where the boys have said outright they don't even want to know whether their mother is still alive.
And I still vividly remember the day when I was having both physical and emotional health collapse my since ex wife was mocking me and when I asked her to stop ridiculing me her response was to literally wave her finger under my nose with "I'll use ridicule on you whenever I want to, I'll keep using ridicule, and you'll just learn to live with it."
That marriage ended right then and right there. Was a few years later the legal formalities got done.
But yes, independent of that above, aloneness, loneliness, rejection, they are not benign, they have effects.
And the effects are detrimental.
People can literally starve to death from lack of affection, love.
As part of this, there is a thing, a named thing,
So, tell me here, our wise and knowing Doc, how did people put down their smartphones in the 1980s and 1990s???
Can remember at that time really not liking going grocery shopping on account of all the couples of varying ages in our local grocery store.
Restaurants weren't much pleasant either.
I was working retail and while that was fun, Christmas and Valentines had an undercurrent of deep sadness.
Yeah, I know marriage can be bad, my brother's first wife came after him with a knife. Her boyfriends (note the plural) abused my brother's sons while the government had him off around the world doing army things in places like Somalia, and to the point where the boys have said outright they don't even want to know whether their mother is still alive.
And I still vividly remember the day when I was having both physical and emotional health collapse my since ex wife was mocking me and when I asked her to stop ridiculing me her response was to literally wave her finger under my nose with "I'll use ridicule on you whenever I want to, I'll keep using ridicule, and you'll just learn to live with it."
That marriage ended right then and right there. Was a few years later the legal formalities got done.
But yes, independent of that above, aloneness, loneliness, rejection, they are not benign, they have effects.
And the effects are detrimental.
People can literally starve to death from lack of affection, love.
As part of this, there is a thing, a named thing,
Quote:
What Lack of Affection Can Do to You
We're facing a crisis of skin hunger, and it has real consequences.
Posted August 31, 2013 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Key points
Feeling deprived of meaningful human contact can be referred to as skin hunger.
People with skin hunger, or who are affection-deprived, are more likely to experience depression and stress, and in general, worse health.
The remedy for skin hunger begins with putting down one's smartphone.
We're facing a crisis of skin hunger, and it has real consequences.
Posted August 31, 2013 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Key points
Feeling deprived of meaningful human contact can be referred to as skin hunger.
People with skin hunger, or who are affection-deprived, are more likely to experience depression and stress, and in general, worse health.
The remedy for skin hunger begins with putting down one's smartphone.
So, tell me here, our wise and knowing Doc, how did people put down their smartphones in the 1980s and 1990s???Quote:
A study on the lack of affection
Just as lack of food, water, and rest have their detrimental effects, so too does the lack of affection. In a recent study of 509 adults, I examined the construct of skin hunger—and the social, relational, and health deficits with which it is associated. The results were consistent and striking. People with high levels of skin hunger are disadvantaged in multiple ways, compared to those with moderate or low levels.
Specifically, compared to people with less skin hunger, people who feel more affection-deprived: are less happy; more lonely; more likely to experience depression and stress; and, in general, in worse health. They have less social support and lower relationship satisfaction. They experience more mood and anxiety disorders, and more secondary immune disorders (those that are acquired rather than inherited genetically). They are more likely to have alexithymia, a condition that impairs their ability to express and interpret emotion. Finally, they are more likely to have a preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment style; they're less likely to form secure attachments with others in their lives.
Just as lack of food, water, and rest have their detrimental effects, so too does the lack of affection. In a recent study of 509 adults, I examined the construct of skin hunger—and the social, relational, and health deficits with which it is associated. The results were consistent and striking. People with high levels of skin hunger are disadvantaged in multiple ways, compared to those with moderate or low levels.
Specifically, compared to people with less skin hunger, people who feel more affection-deprived: are less happy; more lonely; more likely to experience depression and stress; and, in general, in worse health. They have less social support and lower relationship satisfaction. They experience more mood and anxiety disorders, and more secondary immune disorders (those that are acquired rather than inherited genetically). They are more likely to have alexithymia, a condition that impairs their ability to express and interpret emotion. Finally, they are more likely to have a preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment style; they're less likely to form secure attachments with others in their lives.
Would you be able to post a link to this study? I’d love to share it with married people who give me the whole “marriage isn’t a big deal” spiel.
Mikurotoro92
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WantToHaveALife
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WantToHaveALife
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