How to tell if flirting or friendly?

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I am at the store. The nice young lady behind the counter is scanning my things in the early morning. I have loaded up with shaving materials as, for Halloween, I shaved to the most horrendous terrible handlebar mustache to ever grace a human face. I work at a pretty conservative place and they said "no Halloween costumes", so I gave myself a stupid mustache and said "I'm going as 'Steve' for Halloween." 30 some odd years running, STILL not missed a Halloween!

So the nice young lady is scanning my stuff and I am double checking that I have everything, particularly shaving cream to de-redneck myself (my dudes, it was awful). "Alright, shaving stuff, got it" I say aloud as she instinctively asks if I found everything alright. "Yup, just making sure I got shaving cream because this thing has got to go!" She made a, I dunno, a face and said "oh, you are shaving that off?"
"Yes, 100%. Last minute Halloween costume; this abomination will die within 2 minutes of me being home." She smiled with a nod "ahh, good idea because you are much cuter without the mustache." "Yup, it is absolutely terrible. Anyway, have a good day!" and I left.

I pack my things into the car, turn the key in the ignition and say "probably should have pursued that a little bit more than not at all." Because what I thought she said was "I agree, the mustache is terrible, do you also need wax?" but what she probably meant was more "I think you are cute."

I drove home shaking my head going "how the HELL did you ever get laid?!"

Now, I am far far far far far far happier being the dude that misses out on attraction cues rather than being someone who believes they exist when they do not; I can imagine that is very frustrating. However, I would still rather not drive home in embarrassed silence because the cute gal was trying to get my attention by asking about the kind of soup I am purchasing. Jeez, I am autistic; no conversation seems that particularly weird to me. Old girlfriend, literally, described her genitals to me 'in passing' and I just figured "huh, guess she overshares."

I imagine this goes the other way too; am I flirting like crazy when, as far as I know, I am just being me? I can't read people, I do not want to be the chap who imagines that every person in the service industry wants to bone me and yet the number of instances that I look back on and think "should I have pursued that a bit more than not at all?" has been climbing.

Sexual attraction is complicated enough for people who aren't autistic and now I am supposed to understand that it isn't normal conversation for attractive women to ask "what time do you get off work?" Is there some freaking reference manual or something?

Hope y'all are staying safe, and sane.

If somebody is at work, especially in customer service, they are being friendly. IMHO, if you're not sure, the only acceptable way of dealing with it is to hint that you're single and wouldn't complain about being hit on.

People working customer service jobs don't have the same latitude to respond freely that other folks do, especially if it's a tipping situation.

If she's working at a shop then she's not flirting

Sometimes friendliness that looks like flirting can increase inversely to whether or not there is a chance in *ell of anything actually occurring.

For instance, it can increase if you resemble a bum or a grandpa. It can increase if the woman is involved with a member of the *ell’s Angels and wants to toy with you and watch you die.

The most reliable things of flirting that I would look out for is a woman touching you, acting nervous, giggling or primping. I ‘m not an expert. Really, there is a disconnect between how they act and whether they will go out you. Your job is to ask them out. How they act is sometimes irrelevant. I do think what I say is true though. They can be mean to you and still want to date you. Some women want to hit men. Sometimes flirting is pounding you on the shoulder.

The thing where the women who dates a *ell’s Angel is touching your arm is a little confusing. There is definitely some sone weird psychology going on with that one. It is like they want you to die and are kissing you goodbye. It is quite sinister.

I am sure this may be random nonsense but I think it is true and helpful if you are just looking for a women who is being nice. One who is being mean is just as likely to like you. I think it is worth knowing that.

Thanks for all the replies!

Wanted to clarify a few things:
1. The two different situations I mentioned, with the soup and terrible mustache, are just examples. I never even considered "is this flirtatious behavior?" until I started to replay it in my head.
2. On principal, I cannot imagine ever hitting on someone when working or they are at work. It is super weird and creepy, I don't want to be THAT Guy. You/I are/am a customer; my/your job is to be polite and make the customer feel welcome.
3. I know sex isn't the be all and end all; when I was driving home shaking my head saying "how the HELL you ever get laid?!" it was just a silly way of saying "how did you ever get a girlfriend if you are so blind?!"
4. In the past several years, I have have quite a 'glow up' as the kids says. Lost over 130 lb/59 kg, started showering and tried to keep a more presentable beard compared to my previous "just got released from decades in Jumanji." People are noticeably, and sadly, nicer to me now then they ever were before. Strangers being nice to me is a relatively recent thing, especially women of a similar age. Before, anyone being polite to me was just doing their job or not attempting to be rude. The idea of "that person is interested in me" never would have crossed my mind. But now everyone is nice but sometimes 'potentially interested parties' are more nice to me.
5. I am customer service, one reason why I am so hesitant to ever hit on anyone at work because I have seen dozens of drunk guests pull a "what's up baby?" to literally any woman behind the desk; I don't want to be THAT guy, THAT guy sucks. However... I've been teased at work by some of my coworkers for being an "outrageous flirt" or how "they have you on their minds." And I am completely perplexed why they are saying it. It's happened often enough, by even close friends, that I assume it isn't just a running joke. To quote my co-worker: "do you think people just ask 'what time do you get off work?' to everyone?" I, uh, had to stop myself from replying "they don't?"

The inability to notice is going to get me in trouble. Jeez, it kind of already has: boss (I think?) asked me out this morning and the fact that I am not sure of that is vexing to me. I act how I am, always. I try to treat literally ever person the same; it is part of my coping mechanism to being out in public, putting on an act until I can get home and hide in my little cave. But if I am going to have people pull a "what time do you get off work, cutie?" or "stay away from my girl!" and I only going to be entirely confused... that's an issue.

Even at my age, I still can't tell. (Though it happens a lot less frequently these days.)

If she initiates physical contact, it's probably flirting. That's the best I can do.

It is part of her job to be nice.

/end of thread.

You can always ask, but it needs to be in a way that does not give away your intentions. As they say, you have to play with your cards close to your chest. Me on the other hand have no idea how to do that.

There is a way to ask, but I have no skill set to formulate a question that does not come of as arrogant.

Examples:

• Where did you meet your Significant Other?
• If you found your Significant Other after career foothold, were you actively seeking a relationship or had it on your mind, or did it find you?