Hello from someone, weirder than you

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I honestly don't know where to start besides this way. I have always been looking up about myself, I have been diagnosed with Autism as a child, I have always been told about my difference, but I couldn't really see if there is any large one. My life begun as a disaster, I have almost constantly went into states where I would scream and break things, although my mother knows about autistic things like sensory differences and the "restricted and repetitive" thing, she always has talked about our times of crisis (in supermarkets or school) like it didn't have to do with the senses, then it all stopped when we went away from dad, he was pretty brutal so we went away and hid somewhere else.

Then there are people, I usually don't care too much for them, in the sense that my feelings seem blurry, I sometimes have to go along with the context to know what I feel, it's a little easier to know what others are feeling, I can understand what happens between those who usually get along with society and understand how they are going to feel, I also tend to put myself on someone else's shoes and then feel stupid or weird about it, because even if I know what they are going to feel, I still don't know what else I can do to not make the situation awkward and weird out everyone, it happens all the time when I am outside, less at home. There was a moment when I 'played' run and catch with a stranger and I can feel that he thought "what the..." or whatever, I did not do the right thing, of course I was a child at the time, I can't exactly remember what I was thinking

Then much later, I begun treatment for suspected schizophrenia, I have explained a lot about how I function and sent essays to my psychologist, believe me if I ever say that I explained a lot, with great insight as I am convinced, even my former Autism specialist (where he works might be opposite enough of what you consider to be autism speaks) was surprised, I no longer pursue Autism treatments (rather activities), whether you would consider them to be a burden or not. My new treatment consists of Antipsychotics and occupational therapy, although not really specialized in Autism.

Not too far ago, my doctors have found a cavernoma (veinous malformation) in my brain, although they told me it was in the Left Supramarginal Gyrus (looked it up, that might have to do with "understanding and expressing language, emotions and nonverbal signals" don't know how else to say it) and I'm pretty sure it has to do with my people problem...

I think language and "socializing" can be hard for me, like in my mind, my ideas don't go where I want them to go, like when I am discussing, I use a word, sometimes an actual word that does not make sense to people, or in my mind, I am also extremely distracted between my various obsessions, being things like geography, politics, psychology and culture, having extreme switches between wanting to , I also have a kind of thing with music, it helps me think about foreign landscapes, especially in colder places, I think what I am listening fits the mood.

I think I can consider myself a geographic savant, knowing a lot about where countries and some regions are, and drawing borders in a roughly correct way. It's my principal obsession since I have an ethnic attraction for exotic countries, but I am trying to change my interest like I did with psychology, there was a moment when I was thinking about that only and then it kind of toned down, right now as I am writing this, I am in a mood for psychology or rather psychiatry. I also have some trouble taking the right path in my thoughts, it does not derail when I am in a conversation, but I simply do not respond to context, I once watched a show and there was a girl walking on some long rope in the air, and in my head I responded "it's a dog!".

I function in a fragmented way, like when I watched TV and some guy had an interview, I looked in his eyes, I tell myself "it's a dog", then I analyze the eyes, then I tell myself "he has the eyes... of a dog!" because I don't know why I am looking on his eyes, then again, I didn't know what I would want to analyze or do, so it simply does not continue. The problem? Possibly because I am mentally disoriented unless I have a goal that holds me on. Even worse when I forget a lot of details, I also forget everything in school and I am distracted by everything, I couldn't listen, and I have to be stimulated, I couldn't care about anything, unless if I want to do something with it, possibly because my future is blurry and I am to engrained in my fantasies.

I think it really looks like ADHD or some form of 'Mania', in some way, but the doctors, despite agreeing with the idea, they would try to associated it with schizophrenia or something. I just noticed how simply unexpressive my language looks.

Phew! I wrote a lot I guess, but I didn't find anywhere else to post it, and you guys seem active enough. It is your wish if you want to help with that, but I just wanted to write some (long and odd) introduction so...

Welcome to WP!

welcome, it seems you have found your place, right here. glad you are with us

Welcome

First off, welcome to Wrong Planet.

I am reading your introduction and you are discussing several very interesting items.

When I was a young boy, I had a doll. It was a Howdy Doody Doll. Strange for a young boy to play with. But it allowed me to communicate. I had to be several different people in order to have a conversation with it. There was me and there was this imaginary person that I talked with. We would have conversations together.

Then you began talking about your medical condition. You have a Left Supramarginal Gyrus. The human brain has two halves. One on the right side and the other on the left side. The left side of the brain is dominant. It is our daytime brain. Our right side of our brain is our secondary brain. It normally occupies our sleep side in REM and NREM sleep. As a child, these two sides work together and around the age of 11 or 12, these two sides join together and we become Adults. But if we are damaged either before we are born or before the age of 11 or 12, our brain development changes and we remain children deep down inside. We become a little bit like Peter Pan. In my case I was attacked by a bull when I was around age 3 or 4 and it killed me. I experienced what has been called a near death experience. But I came back to life but it was a different brain that came back. It was my right side brain, my sleep brain. And I have lived my entire life as a right side dominant brain. My left side eventually came back but it became my night time brain.

The right side brain knows words but they are the words found in music. That is why many of those with this type of condition go on to become great song writers or musicians.

What else can I tell you. The right side of a persons brain, the sleep side works very fast. Almost at the speed of light. One of its jobs at night is to clean house. It moves all the knowledge learned during the day and moves it from short term memory into long term memory. Then it does a very important step. It erases short term memory. Everything that brain knows is lost. As a result, I think very fast but then I have a problem understanding what I have thought. Eventually, they solved that problem when I took a class in school called Speed Reading. It allowed me to tear apart all the words in a paragraph and break them apart and reconstruct them from the inside out. I use this process when I read very difficult writing.

I wonder if you are a picture thinker. Most people think in terms of words. But some people think in pictures. As a result their IQs can become very large over 150. Their minds move at the speed of light, but they have problems putting all these pieces together.

Anyways good luck on your journey through life.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!