Silent treatment from family member

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My aunt has been giving me the silent treatment on and off (mostly on) since I was 15 and has never bothered to explain what I've done wrong. It's been nearly two decades since this started and I've only recently been allowed to meet her now-teenage son. As far as I know I've never done anything against her, but her attitude towards me has been so incredibly contemptuous and disdainful over the years that you'd think I'd stomped on her favorite kitten or murdered her best friend.

Right after she cut me off she tried to convince my grandmother that I'd been badmouthing her (my grandmother) behind her back (I hadn't, but I've considered that she may have misinterpreted something I said) and also falsely claimed that I was anorexic/bulimic. I have no idea whether either of these ideas is related to her not speaking to me now.

This situation has led to me being excluded from numerous holidays and family events, since she often hosts and generally refuses to be in my company. I've never known how to deal with this or whether I should try to do anything about it at all. I was too shy to confront her directly when I was a teen, and now so much time has passed that I don't know how I would even broach the subject. I don't see her at all these days, so I suppose I'd have to write her an email or message her on social media, and I'm sure I'd just be ignored anyway.

Are you otherwise in contact/friendly with other members of your family? I'd say let her be, and maybe only consult with the rest of your family for guidance, if you truly value her presence in your life.

I get along with my other family members well enough, but they just sort of shrug off the whole thing with my aunt, and I've had the impression they don't really want to get involved. Maybe they assume I did do something awful to her, I don't know. I'm closest with my grandmother, but my aunt has always been her favorite and she's very sensitive about any criticism of her. Mostly she pretends there's nothing wrong, and of course she's quite old by now so I'm reluctant to press the issue for fear of causing stress.

Kudos for you to thinking about it now. It wasn't until 45 that I had the beginning confidence to address similar issues. Now at 50 I am beginning to assert myself with more confidence. Some seemingly toxic and irreparable relationships are improving. Rather than looking for their feedback or approval, ironically a lot of it for me is approaching the person with my needs in mind (explain, be respected, be involved) and granting myself approval (confidence). EMDR has helped. Still really tough, but better. This month for the first time a relatively estranged relative answered the phone when I called. We had a good conversation (it was a topic of shared interest with some limited side conversations). I had debated cutting them off (since they had cut me off ), but persisted. I'm still wary the relationship could regress, but ---what the heck--- we only live once.

One of my three sisters has cut me off – I think because of the horrible ways I behaved during my childhood and young adulthood (basically endless autistic meltdowns). When I tried to talk to her about it a few years ago (before my autism diagnosis), she said that any interaction with me causes her immense anxiety, to the extent that she feels physically ill. This was pretty hard to hear, especially since I have made enormous efforts to be pleasant and undemanding and calm around her for decades! When I told her that I have been diagnosed as autistic, her response was 'This doesn't change the way I feel about you'. I figure that I have reached a dead end, and there is nothing more I can do. But I am planning to keep making contact – I have knitted her a pair of socks for her birthday! – and just try not to be too hurt by her behaviour towards me when there's nothing I can do about it.