What I Like About Autistic People Is...

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That really isn't fair on you, some people just like to hurt others unfortunately, and so they attack you I hope I haven't done that to you?

I suppose the thing with me is, I just don't notice responses or relate them to something I did or said. I tend to say what I think, then move on. It's like I download my thoughts and feelings and that's the end of that. I do that in real life and then I'm surprised when people react to them.

If only people would just say to me, 'you hurt me when you said that. What did you mean?' I could explain that I generally was just ranting. Or I didn't mean A, I meant B. Because people seem to misunderstand everything I say

oh yes Fnord, hahahaha! I get this too! If someone asked me that question, I'd give a number as the answer.

If I ask that question and get the roll-call, I stare blankly at the person, then ask again how many people were at the meeting. Then they think I'm rude/ arrogant/ stupid or something.

I just wanted a number ffs.

No, it isn't you.
It's just sometimes when I'm having a rant online I can literally say what's on my mind and forget that what I'm saying may be misinterpreted or taken personally or look like some other microaggressions. I heard somewhere that it's easier to accidentally offend people online than offline. Generally offline I share similar views to others and I can see who may get offended by what, but online I can't see who people are and so there's more likely to be someone who will be offended.

I think that people on WP say what they think, without trying to seem important or outdo each other. People here will answer a question in a straightforward way rather than using it as an opportunity to prove how shrewd they are, and without inserting subtext that seems okay on the surface but is actually a put-down.

I don't think this kind of earnest exchange of thoughts happens as much on NT forums, where there seems to be a lot of one-upsmanship.

Also I think people here know each other's struggles and tend to be kind because they've been there.

The number thing.

Also - as a teacher, if one of my nt kids is being rude, I have to do this big tap dance about behavior and feelings and respect. Then we have this insincere apology and a whole long awkward period. If one of my autistic kids is rude, I can say “that was rude.” Kid: “why?” Me: explains. Kid “ok.” Genuinely apologizes. Moves on.

Also, if I am rude, nt “friend” doesn’t point it out, they just get all judgy or offended and decide *I am a rude person* or act strangely toward me and I don’t know why. Nd friend assesses that my *behavior* was rude and we have basically the same interaction as with the kid above.

Nts go on a lot about how it’s healthy to share your feelings, but they mostly don’t. Nds are more likely to just share and get shot down.

That's so interesting because I tend to offend more people offline than online. I suppose however that online people tend to be random strangers so I don't care if they take offence. Offline people are my neighbours so I have to be careful.

I'm not sure which type of people are easier to get on with, offline or online

I'm glad it wasn't me hurting you!

You hit the nail on the head with all your points. Exactly.

Yes I've experienced people arguing with me here, well not arguing, just presenting a blunt point of view and I don't take it personally because I know they are 'just being autistic' and maybe have a case of 'explainitis.'

What a great reply!

Oh yes about the kids! I worked in schools and colleges for a decade and found that most kids, especially boys, were pretty straightforward and easy to correct. Probably because they saw me as straightforward and helpful. If any of them said, 'Miss is weird,' the other kids would say, 'no, Miss is nice, she is on our side.'

Oh that bit I highlighted about NT friends, OMG!! !! ! I've had that happen a million times!! ! The first few times I asked the friend "why did you stop contacting me, what happened?" All I got was attacked because the friend had stewed over it over the months and let the 'rudeness' build up into a huge mountain. It would always be long after the 'offence' and I'd completely forgotten the conversation, so I was blindly trying to defend myself not knowing what my thought process had been back then. So I gave up asking why friends suddenly dumped me and now I just move on none the wiser.

NTs do go on about how sharing feelings is healthy, yet they don't really want to know, do they. Because when we share our feelings they get offended

Autistic people are the opposite of all the above!

Another thing i observed with my coworkers. When i say something, they look for hidden meanings behind it, when i just want to share data. There is no hidden purpose with me.

A coworker recently got very angry bc the new coworker asked help from her regarding one of the tasks. She acted nice to the coworker yet talked behind her back about how rude she was and how she was taking her for a fool. I was like..how did you come to this conclusion, she probably.. Just needed help, and did not think it was a big deal? They associate negative or positive meanings to every convo and this is very weird to me.

Oh that is me 100%! !! ! I just give information that I think will interest other people. Or answer a question clearly and thoroughly. There is no hidden meaning or purpose. I just like information and knowledge.

It is so annoying. When I give information, people think I'm quibbling or pointing out their weaknesses. When I answer a question clearly, I'm generally not giving the answer people want to hear.

I've learned to explain that I'm not quibbling or pointing out weaknesses. I just thought they'd be interested in the information.

I've learned to say: 'well if you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question' (!)

Yes, yes, yes.

@Fnord (re number): LOL, yes.

@IsabellaLinton, I have been in Allistic support groups for medical issues and parenting, online and in person. My deep insights and intense emotions are not welcome. I get shunned and once kicked out. I am in many different ASD support groups and very much welcomed in every one of them, even when I "misbehave" by NT standards. We talk about real stuff. I have to be very careful in my Allistic groups to stay shallow, or just give a little itty bit of depth.

Oh Sharon that is such a clear way of putting it!

I hadn't quite realised that NTs can't handle deep insights and intense emotions. I thought there was something wrong with them. Or me. I must do what you do and stay shallow and calm with them.

Someone said to me in another group: we want allistic people to wake up and pay attention. They actually cannot. Their brains just don't work like that!

A Eureka moment

I like my daughter. She's diagnosed with HFA. She's really cool and such a fighter as well.

She had so many problems when she was younger and didn't manage to get an education from school but then she put herself through college and uni. Managed to get herself an undergrad degree and a Masters degree and now she's got a really good job in local government.

People say that autistic people struggle socially but she's got a really good circle of friends. I went out with her last night and met some of these friends of hers and the genuinely love her.

I would say she's a success story.

^same with my daughter about the having problems when she was younger and now has a nice circle of friends.

I hope her circle of friends stays with her. I had a nice circle of friends when I was young but they all seemed to drift away after I got married and had a baby. Right when I needed them most. I hope that doesn't happen to my daughter. I hope she has friends all her life. Although she is already a member of 3 different social groups/minorities so hopefully that will help. I never knew what I wanted out of life so I didn't join any groups of likeminded people.

Yeah that's the worry that people get married and move on etc. My daughter's 31 years old now and her friends are of various ages and stages in their own lives so I'm thinking she'll be fine.

That's so good about your daughter Babybird.

I did the classic mistake- move away when I got married and then again before I had a baby, so I had no friends or support network. What an idiot.

My daughter is a member of the autism, LGBT and creative communities so I'm hoping that because she realised all this so young, she can stick with those communities and find supportive friends.

I think that's how to do life: find a community you fit in with and stick with them. Not just wander around aimlessly like I have