How do I stop comparing if "everyone" is doing something

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I am not doing?

I have explained in a number of threads about the fact that I am still single and have no children while it seems like many other people in their late 20s and early 30s are seemingly starting families and getting married and it leaves me feeling like the "only one".
My sister is one of those people who has a child but is not married. It makes it seem like people are doing it not because they always necessarily want to but "have" to, to keep up with the Joneses.

Other things that make me feel like the only one is when I didn't do the things that people in our age groups did to socialise like going out for a drink somewhere with friends on a Saturday night, or not going out with them to somewhere like a music gig, or going abroad much more. This is why I find it hard Not to compare myself to others because I see it on social media and on TV and stuff and by not doing it, it makes feel like life is being wasted but not experiencing these experiences. I have few friends to go out with and won't do these things I mentioned because I'll end up nearly always on my own and so I end up not doing it.

Nothing wrong with being on your own.

No one here can help you. You have to help yourself.

You need to do something about your sense of envy. Envy is a deadly sin, a cruel master.

Do you speak with a therapist? You probably should. Your self-loathing oozes from all of your posts. Unless you respect yourself, you will never move on.

Do remember sometimes having those feelings at that point in my life.



Yes, that sounds very familiar.
But I had the 'advantage' that there was no social media when I was in my 20s and 30s in the 1980s and 1990s.
And I didn't watch TV except for Star Trek and Babylon 5.
Don't watch TV at all now, and haven't for some time.

Kind of bothers me that I can't lay out 'this that and this other things are the details of what I did about it' as some kind of reference or instruction guide.

And there are still moments that having no children is a hurt in my heart and soul.
Was married for only 6 years, now over a decade ago.
And with declining health I now cannot go and do and travel.

And I still can't pin down and declare "this is what I do to cope with it"

Apparently I am doing something and it is not failing.
But I've not a clue how to isolate and identify it.

Sorry.
Wish I had something to give you.

That brings to mind this,

I've been there.

To this day, after having rebuilt my life, I still catch myself once in a while muttering "I hate myself."

By the way. I am wary of therapists and psychologists. The first people to confront me regarding my self-loathing were the other seriously depressed people in my group therapy. I had a tremendous epiphany in group therapy after being hospitalized for depression. Group therapy participants are very willing to tell you what your problem is and they don't mince words.

Your life.doesn't need to be the same as anyone elses.to be valid.

Here you complain about other people "Keeping up with the Joneses".Here you complain about being unable to "Keep up with the Joneses".

Log off.  Get up.  Get out, and do some of the things other people are doing.

I've never connected "other people are doing a thing" with "I should do that thing." I'm me and they're them and I'm sure that whatever they're doing works for them (probably, maybe), but that doesn't mean it would work for me.

For everything you see someone else doing, or hear about someone doing, there's someone doing the opposite. Unless you want to try and do mutually opposing things all your life to try and do everything that everyone else is doing, you're going to have to think about which choices work best for you and which ones don't.

The thing is there are things I've mentioned in this and other threads before such as concerts and gigs as I do like to listen to music and going abroad to different places but I can't seem to find myself wanting to book myself a ticket to even go on my own when even though I've heard of other people doing these things on their own but that somehow won't encourage me to do the same as them even I like to do these things as much as other people. I've got a car and could drive to an airport on my own but I've never driven on my own or driven to a gig that is being played out miles from home like Glastonbury. I wouldn't be able to cope with all the mud and stuff at Glastonbury. But I still won't get on Google maps or install a sat nav to help me get there.

I don't know if sometimes I just make unfounded assumptions about people based on their actions when I see them doing stuff I'm not doing and I don't really know these people and their lives.