Which of these qualities in a partner are deal-breakers?

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Which of these qualities in a partner are deal-breakers for you? (check all that apply)

Hmm, what do you mean by deal-breaker? Does that mean qualities in a partner that you don't like but still love your partner?

A dealbreaker is something that would cause you not to date someone.

I can think of at least one dealbreaker I have that’s not listed.

Ah, gotcha.

I selected "religious" (though that depends), "gets drunk at weekends" (that also depends), "does marijuana (or any drugs)", and "dislikes cats" (:lol: ). OK the last one may be less serious, but being a cat lover myself it would make it easier if my partner at least likes cats.
With religion I guess it depends on the religion. I don't have a religion, I'm 100% science, so if I was with a partner with a very strict religion then it might not work.
I am teetotal and hate drinking, and yes my boyfriend used to drink but I didn't actually know that until 2 years into our relationship, and he isn't really into going out to bars getting drunk, he was more of an at home drinker and didn't mind that I don't drink, but he's actually given up alcohol now, which makes life even easier between us.
I also hate drugs (unless it's prescription or store brought but that's different). Luckily my boyfriend isn't interested in drugs either. The only bad thing is he smokes, which I knew before we started dating, but I suppose that wasn't enough to stop me from falling in love. I'd rather he didn't smoke though.

I'm very romantic and everything but I'm not too bothered about sex sex, if you get what I mean, so a low sex drive is probably one of the best qualities in a man for me. My boyfriend doesn't have a high sex drive (though he won't admit to it). But if kissing, cuddling, chatting, touching, stroking, snuggling, etc etc counts as sex too then I guess we do both have high sex drive.

The only dealbreaker for me from that list is "Thinks abortion should be illegal".

I debated whether or not I could deal with a difference of opinion on that.
I'd respect their right to having a different opinion, but that's a huge red flag.

Being religious or whatever might be private or moderate.
They might not use religion to vilify other people.
They might not use religion to hurt me or others.
Maybe their religion respects all people as sovereign individuals.

In the case of abortion, their belief would be absolute.
I don't think I could deal with that.

Nothing else on the list would matter to me.

Just because they want an open relationship, for example, doesn't mean they'll get one.
It doesn't have to be a dealbreaker imo, unless they're demanding it somehow.
I'd rather have an open relationship (if I was into that), than have them lie and cheat.

As for getting drunk, it depends on the behaviour.
Some people drink responsibly at home and catch a buzz.
Some people are happy and fun when they drink.
Some people become hostile and abusive.
Some fall asleep and are harmless.

I'd have to wait and see which category they fall into.
In that case, the dealbreaker would be their behaviour rather than the alcohol itself.
Something like drinking and driving would be a definite dealbreaker.
Laughing louder than usual wouldn't.

If they didn't like cats or dogs they'd have to respect that I do.
This is only about dating right, not marriage?
If we aren't living together I really don't care if they like my pets or not.
If they hurt my pets, that's another story.

Waiting until marriage to have sex is a deal-breaker for me.

I believe that marriage isn't something that you should rush into and you should wait at least 2-3 years before proposing to someone. Plus going 2-3 years without sex is a very long time and there's no guarantee that the relationship will even stand the test of time.


Assuming you have a normal sex drive, waiting until marriage might influence you to get married sooner rather than later. You may get married at 21 years old after only dating someone for a year and it winds up being something that you really regret because you were too young and you were naïve enough to marry the wrong person.

I chose 7 things although I was being somewhat conservative with that. A large age difference is a dealbreaker for me, but that’s not one of the options.

Some of these would depend on what she would expect or require of me. Like I do NOT want kids & my current girlfriend kinda does. However she has various issues she's dealing with & she would rather be in a relationship with me & not have kids than trying to find a guy who wants kids with her or her being a single parent. Being open to compromise is important so none of these would be automatic deal-breakers for me unless she would require me to conform to her wants & likes.

My deal-breaker is if he wants to have kids because I don't want to be forced into having children!

I am not ready to go through the pain of childbirth and labor & the burden of caring for a baby!

Well put. None of them need to be dealbreakers unless the other person can't deal with compromise.

Except, in my case, if they think abortion should be illegal.
I'm still wrestling with that one but nope.
I'd never have sex with them, that's for sure.
That would likely become its own dealbreaker.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong here. We all find different things important.

Religiosity
Wanting to wait until marriage
Getting drunk every weekend
Being against abortion
Asexuality
Wanting an open relationship
Being a lot older or younger

would ALL be dealbreakers for me.

I wouldn't want to wait for marriage either, especially because I don't want to get married.
That would mean we'd never.

Barring religious beliefs or whatever, I also think it's important for couples to know if they're compatible.
It can be disastrous when people get married and find out they aren't.
My ex-h wanted to wait for marriage, like ... almost seven years.
Turned out he was gay and we got divorced.

Sometimes couples just aren't compatible in terms of their sexual interests and expectations.
That can be a nightmare too.
I'm thinking of people who are bored to tears or even assaulted by their spouse.

I know a few couples who waited for marriage and didn't even kiss beforehand.
afaik everything turned out OK, but it's not something I'd want to take chances with.

I wouldn't like any of those either, especially the age thing which isn't on the list.
I'm not suggesting I'd put up with them or be happy.
I'd hope at least some of those could be met with compromise, or the person could change.
There might be arguments about some of those.

I'm just saying I'd have to see how some of them play out.
If they're a Buddhist-Pacifist or any other peaceful, accepting faith I'd be OK.
That is, if they don't shove it down my throat or expect me to be the same.

I know you can't change all of them, like being asexual.

There's already a dealbreakers thread somewhere else, right?
I know this one is different because of the poll.
I'm just trying to remember if we already had this topic.

Some people might compromise on certain things while others wouldn’t.

Given my issues/experiences with religious trauma, that’s not something I’d compromise on but others might which is okay. We’re all different.

Given my issues with an alcoholic spouse, I also wouldn’t compromise on getting drunk every weekend. I’d rather stay single.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 04 Jul 2023, 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.