Aspies, dating and cheating

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Chris Rock says that men's fidelity is determined only by their opportunity.

cut buddies and friends with benefits are far better. Less heart aches, awkward moments or people getting cursed out. Those are the "real" relationships listed. I've had some friends with benefits in between. Far far better and far nicer. I just want a real gf.

My first girlfriend cheated on me. She was an NT. She tried to trick me into doing things that were unethical or even illegal (like drive my parents' car without a license). I asked her to prom, and she said yes. But she lied and went with someone else.

I went to the movies with my family one night, and I went to go to the restroom. When I got out, I saw my then-girlfriend with another guy at the snack bar. It later turned that the guy she was dating was in a gang, and that she was only dating him because he had a nicer car than mine.

Nearly 9 years later, I still haven't forgiven her, and I may never do so.

My girlfriend search has been limited to other Aspies ever since. I had been in another relationship since then, but it has since ended.

Tim

You do it or you don't do it, it's quite simple; people have inhibitions that prevent them from doing such, as you said: If I have said inhibition I won't do said act. It doesn't matter if I can physically do said act or not when my mind won't allow me to do such (the mind is physical as well).

I don't have deception within me, it's a facet of humanity that I cannot understand as I never developed it; "cheating" is deception if I were to say I'd never do such.

If I saw you in person (or nearly everyone but a few people), I'd feel an overwhelming urge to slice your neck due to mental illness; I don't do it, and I'm never going to do it (due to evidence). My mind places restrictions on my actions and it doesn't allow parts of my mind that hold these homicidal thoughts the control of my actions within reason (it allows me to do some things that benefit myself and/or others).

I've seen many people who're above murder and whatnot ("cheating") who're now dead, they never did these acts so one can logically say they never had the ability to do such as they never did them and they were indeed above them (the mind is physical remember).

I find cheaters to be pathetic. All part of my thinking of taking a route of life where you're going for the easy route of hurting people.
Well where's the logic? Where's the moral fibre? in these people.

exactly

While everyone can, its disgusting because you see the moral fiber (or lack thereof) within people who actually do it.

Same thing as a drunk driver. Sure, we can all go get inebriated and hop behind the wheel, but that would be a terrible lapse in judgement.

I think that i was never been in a real relation so I can't tell .


there 's many reasons for cheating but i think the core reasons are in our DNA.

For males :
Some species , like some species of fish and like voles, are monogamous which it means that they stay loyal to one single female for lifetime.

Human males , like most primates and apes , are non-monogamous , which it means that biologically men seek to breed with many females as much as they can . The Monogamy exists in human society only due to religious/civil beliefs but naturally human males can be attracted to so many females . That's why a lot of men cheat .


as for females:
Don't feel so happy about yourselves my ladies . Naturally , human females are not that much better than human males . Female humans, like most female primates , follow the Alpha-Male system ... which it means that a female human will always seek for the best male (best one physically and best one in power=money in humans case) in her social network , BUT the religious/social belief obliges the woman to not f**k a taken or a married man , so sometimes the woman is obliged to get married with a beta male but she will aways melt for an alpha man she meets in the street much more than she does for her beta man -->and here the cheating usually starts . That's why a lot of women cheat .

Yeah, you can. Cheating on someone is a choice. If you truly love someone, you shouldn't take the option to be unfaithful.

One of the explanations I got was that both men and women go through a phase of sewing their wild oats.

For women, this phase is around 18-24. At this phase, a woman is at her phsyical peak and therefore, all kinds of men want to get with her. They go around trying to get attention from different men just to see if they've got it. Because of this, it is very hard to maintain a relationship and you shouldn't really invest much stock in one at this early age. While there are those who will remain faithful, breakups happen more often than not.

For men, this phase occurs around 24-30 and sometimes later. At this phase, a man finally is starting to graduate college, become financially established, get a house, nice car, good education etc. The things many women want when they look for a good mate (security etc). Before this stage, a man does not have so many of these things to offer, so it is more difficult for him to secure a good, long lasting relationship.

Those who do not go through this phase repeat it later on in a midlife crisis.

Seems to be fairly accurate. I just turned 25 and just graduated as of yesterday. Never really felt the urge to sew my wild oats with as many women out there as possible, but some of the women I've dated in the past damn sure have. Also, every single one I've dated has been in this 18-24 range. The ones that I had succesful times with, talked about this phase of development, craving attention from many different kinds of men and dating around. They moved beyond it.

of course, this was written from the perspective of NT women and men, but I'd say its pretty close to true. I wonder if we as AS people differ.

look, this artificial standard of one man one wife forever just became popular during the farming/domestic animal revolution about 6,000 years ago, any way. When hunter gatherers stopped moving all the time, and settled into permanent residences on their farms, you couldn't just divide up the household and part company, you were bound to the land, and so bonding was now for life. It became 'moral' to do so with various punishments if you hearkened to the call of your hunting and gathering ancestors. In a stretch, you could say this was the first part of 'civilization' that we are still trying to adapt to.

Before that we were dependent on limerence, or a 'crush' sorta chemical mechanism that bonded two people for 18 months to 3 years, and was to expedite raising the kid until he could get about on his own.

having the right baby come down the chute was the issue of the patriarchal religions after they figured out men's seed produced the child, and it was not all spontaneous from the woman. Men got ticked women could have the babies, so men developed property as their domain, and lumped women into that category.

in this day, STDs and HIV and AIDS dictate the morality of someone having physical relations out side of an intended exclusive bond. The emotional outrage that someone would compromise their physical health by dabbling in non-bonded fluids is to be expected.

I have been 'cheated on' by both of my husbands, and it was a deal breaker. Sometimes I think they did it as a way out, knowing it would break the deal with me. Now that I have self-diagnosed, I think they did it out of desperation, because living with me could not have been easy.

your mileage may vary,

Merle

I don't cheat, and I never have, in LTRs, and I don't believe in open relationships with weird rules like you can have sex but no kissing, and only if I'm out of town for more than two days, etc. Men are by nature quite possessive yet often the initiators of cheating. I'm a horny pig in bed, so if you want to cheat on me, go ahead, but it's not like you're gonna find anything better out there.

Exactly. It's not right, and shows people to be morally weak, and un trustworthy.

Oh he$$, this has been the story of my life.

Like Merle said...I think it was their means of escape.

'Tis true though. One can be pushed into just
about any situation.



And why my mate is not EVER to drink milk
from the carton! Look, all I'm saying is that
mistakes happen. You are showing absolutely
no compassion and no mercy, which are elements
of love, but a lot of Righteous Justice, which isn't.

So? What's wrong with that?

we were still dating at the time and he was currently married.


you do the math.