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Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 16 Sep 2023
Gender: Female
Posts: 27
Location: Daybreak Town

17 Sep 2023, 1:51 pm

so a few weeks ago my friend invited me to a hangout + sleepover thing at her house with our other 3 friends (though I decided not to attend the sleepover on my own discretion as I haven't been in the best place mentally recently and it tends to get worse at night). thing is, my friend's partner who I've never met + 2 other people who I haven't seen since middle school were there. I should have known going at all was a bad idea because even hanging out with just the 4 of them makes me a feel a little overwhelmed (not to the point of getting upset though, likely minimized by the fact that I feel extremely safe around them).
anyways, I showed up late because I had something come up, and when I got there everyone was already sitting next to each other on the couches and I had to awkwardly sit off to the side in this random chair. the entire time, nobody made attempts to engage me, and even when I tried to talk/make a joke/etc. the "conversation" only lasted about 5 seconds and wasn't meaningful at all, and I was dead silent most of the time. I felt so detached, and the entire time I felt like I wasn't even there but rather was observing them hang out. it was horrible and I hated every second of it. I had only been there a few minutes and my first thought was "I want to go home, I don't like this, I don't want these other people to be here because they're throwing everything off". I know that sounds selfish and horrible and it is. I truly do hate myself for this. /srs
my parents and brother went out for shopping and dinner about an hour or so later and I said yes because I wanted to get out of there. I got home and I bawled my eyes out. I had to try not to cry at my friend's house, didn't exactly succeed but nobody noticed thankfully (probably because I was wearing tinted sunglasses). I sent a message to our gc apologizing, I said that I just got overwhelmed and I didn't know what to do or say (didn't elaborate on the feeling left out part, I might try to tell them that this week at school if I can get the courage). they all responded and said it was fine and i didn't need to apologize and that they loved me, yet I still feel guilty. my friends aren't the ones in the wrong here, let that be known, I do agree they could have tried to make me feel a bit more welcome but they aren't bad friends. I'm going to ask them if they just want to come over to my house this weekend to make up for things.
sorry for the rant/vent, I just needed to get it off my chest and this seemed like the most appropriate place to do it. also, anything I should do?

"thinking of you, wherever you are."
level 1 autism + GAD. I struggle with social skills mainly. big big hater of loud noises.
professional video game and malware nerd


Joined: 3 May 2023
Age: 30
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 363
Location: Canada

17 Sep 2023, 7:22 pm

I've had lots of situations where I've felt like this, I know how icky it feels.

It's good that you talked to your friends a bit about it and that they reassured you that they love you. It sounds like you trust them, so it might be good to have a more detailed conversation about it so both you and them know how to prevent it in the future.

Maybe tell them that in situations like that, you'd like to have a bit more help and reassurance in order to participate more. There's a chance that the others felt shy around you and didn't know how to engage with you either. Sometimes switching to a group activity like a board game or a hike can help make things easier.


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Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,029

18 Sep 2023, 1:39 pm

I am glad that you were able to clear some things up but it does sound like they were being inconsiderate. It sounds like they got caught up in a conversation and probably were not paying to attention. However, it sounds like they probably were not aware of how they made you feel.