I am tired of them not respecting my personal space

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Summer_Twilight
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26 Sep 2023, 7:44 am

Hi:

Whenever I attend synagogue, other people seem to keep invading my personal space. One of them approached me last month while I happened to be eating. She made it seem like she wanted to hug me by asking, "What's your name again?" I said. Then she said, "Let me tug your tag in the back." I happened to be annoyed that she invaded my space like that when I was eating. I firmly told her, "Don't touch me." They have also been coming up and bothering me during inappropriate times and even during praise and worship. Additionally, a lot of them keep touching me on my shoulder like I am a little kid.

Unfortunately, I haven't been very nice to them lately. The last couple of times they have done that, I have been pushing their hands away and telling them, "Don't touch me." I have also firmly told them that they can't seem to respect my boundaries



rse92
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26 Sep 2023, 8:30 am

I get how you feel, but unfortunately you are not doing yourself any favors. Making it clear you are cold and unapproachable won't help.



Summer_Twilight
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26 Sep 2023, 8:49 am

I don't think I have been coming across as cold, rather, I feel like I am coming across as mean.

I started to get to know one of them as they have an adult who lives on the spectrum. Though she seemed to be very sweet, I felt that she often left me at the bottom of her list. She also started treating me like her own son.

Back in July, for instance, I had something that I had wanted to talk to her about. However, she kept interrupting me to help me wipe my pants off. I kept trying to get her to the top. "Well, I wouldn't want you to be embarrassed." I finally got frustrated with her and ended up yelling at her. "Can I please talk?" She ended up telling me that I needed to see a counselor. :lol: What?



GreenVelvetWorm
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30 Sep 2023, 3:14 am

rse92 wrote:
I get how you feel, but unfortunately you are not doing yourself any favors. Making it clear you are cold and unapproachable won't help.


I think coming across as "cold and unapproachable" is actually the best option in this situation. If someone ignores you when you tell them you don't want to be touched, they don't deserve politeness. They're the ones being disrespectful.



Summer_Twilight
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01 Oct 2023, 2:17 pm

GreenVelvetWorm wrote:
rse92 wrote:
I get how you feel, but unfortunately you are not doing yourself any favors. Making it clear you are cold and unapproachable won't help.


I think coming across as "cold and unapproachable" is actually the best option in this situation. If someone ignores you when you tell them you don't want to be touched, they don't deserve politeness. They're the ones being disrespectful.


Well to be fair, I started being direct with a few of those people only to have them give me the cold shoulder. The woman, who I wrote about above was very rude and said, "Oh whatever," before walking away. When I tried to talk to her about her behavior a few days later, she did not want to admit that she was wrong.



TT1660
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05 Oct 2023, 7:58 am

@Summer_Twilight

Some time ago, someone literally verified to me that out of the 7+ billion folks on Earth, not a single one of them is perfect. Not even the US president, or the Queen of England.

There are situations in which reacting can be seen as appropriate. But trying to fine tune folks to the point where they behave perfectly around you will NEVER be achieved, seriously. No matter how admirable you think someone is, you will find plenty of ugly sides of them which you will cringe at. Even a person that you have might paid more attention to than other randoms at some point. I'm sure all of them cough/burp/fart/sneeze/pick their nose/defecate/sweat/perspire/sleep/yawn/whatever.

Since then, and in despite of the fact I've gotten nowhere, I've figured out that impulsive habits and behaviour from at least some folks are not entirely aimed at unnerving someone nearby who has autism. They are simply habitual, and more than likely originated in some manner when you weren't near them. If they don't notice immediate red flags as a result of performing them, then the habits can run rampant to the point where they annoy folks with ASD.

Since the dreaded virus crap started, I am even more overconscious of any skin to skin contact, and aerosol ingestion. But yourself, and me are not the same. I am not having a dig at you by any means. You will react to this in your own manner, which is unpreventable and natural at the same time. But I am all ears if you happen to need an opinion on situations like these which can sometimes make or break friendships.

I don't immediately lash out at er.. when did I actually interact in a social environment last with multiple folks that I could get along with is my question which started as a sentence.

I have also figured out that channels like Discord and FB are bloody hopeless for making any friends and building connections.



blitzkrieg
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05 Oct 2023, 8:46 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:

Whenever I attend synagogue, other people seem to keep invading my personal space. One of them approached me last month while I happened to be eating. She made it seem like she wanted to hug me by asking, "What's your name again?" I said. Then she said, "Let me tug your tag in the back." I happened to be annoyed that she invaded my space like that when I was eating. I firmly told her, "Don't touch me." They have also been coming up and bothering me during inappropriate times and even during praise and worship. Additionally, a lot of them keep touching me on my shoulder like I am a little kid.

Unfortunately, I haven't been very nice to them lately. The last couple of times they have done that, I have been pushing their hands away and telling them, "Don't touch me." I have also firmly told them that they can't seem to respect my boundaries


It sounds like these people have good intentions, but for someone who doesn't like being touched, their actions are not welcome and you should communicate that in a polite way.



TT1660
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05 Oct 2023, 8:59 am

Personally I don't think being polite is the answer to everything. Especially when folks aren't returning the favour.

Sometimes being straight to the point in an abrupt manner can be more effective, depending on the situation. But whatever you do, try not to portray obvious weaknesses that they can easily exploit.



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05 Oct 2023, 9:48 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:

It sounds like these people have good intentions, but for someone who doesn't like being touched, their actions are not welcome and you should communicate that in a polite way.


I saw a T-shirt on the internet that said "Don't Touch Me - I'm Autistic". I too am touch-averse, and I bought one of the shirts, thinking what a great idea it was. People will be looking right at the shirt and put their hand out for a handshake, or touch me on the arm or shoulder anyway. I also had a pin-on 3 inch button made that says "Please don't touch me, I'm autistic". I've had a little better luck with the button, but I have only used it twice so far.

You would think wearing a sign that asks people not to touch you would be adequate to make your feelings known, but wow - do people not read?


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Summer_Twilight
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05 Oct 2023, 4:19 pm

It really isn’t about sensory, rather it seems to be more patronizing. They seem to have disregard for my personal space.

For instance one of them came out and bothered me while I was praying. “Hey I know you are worshiping, but” then touched my shoulder.

I pushed her hand off and said, “Don’t touch me.” I also pointed out that I felt like my personal space was was disrespected.



Suicidal_Vampire
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12 Oct 2023, 1:30 pm

I have "anger issues", and I don't know what to do about my family, but if anyone touches me without me wanting them to at school, I just punch them. I know it's not a very good solution, but for me it always works; they never touch me again.


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BillyTree
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17 Oct 2023, 1:59 pm

Just a thought - maybe you could try to change your body language in these situations where other women usually turn up and invade your personal space and try to look less "approachable"?


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Patrick22348
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18 Oct 2023, 11:37 pm

Suicidal_Vampire wrote:
I have "anger issues", and I don't know what to do about my family, but if anyone touches me without me wanting them to at school, I just punch them. I know it's not a very good solution, but for me it always works; they never touch me again.


I always wanted to just smack people, but due to legal troubles in the past the consequences would be severe.


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Summer_Twilight
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19 Oct 2023, 7:35 am

[quote="BillyTree"]Just a thought - maybe you could try to change your body language in these situations where other women usually turn up and invade your personal space and try to look less "approachable"?[/quot

They come up and touch me even when I do.

For example, one of them came up and appeared to hug me while I was eating. Then she started tugging my tag into my dress but I said, "Don't touch me," and she walked away.

Then another time, I was trying to pray before services on Yom Kippur and someone came up and bothered me. "Hey, I know you are worshipping," and then touched my shoulder. I pushed her hand off and firmly said, "Don't touch me."