Anyone else struggle with social isolation?

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

Bataar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Sep 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,846
Location: Post Falls, ID

02 Nov 2023, 12:00 am

It's driving me nuts. I have no friends at least friends that live near me. Other than running errands I don't go anywhere or do anything because I can't think of anything to do by myself. Going to "social events" doesn't work for me because I don't enjoy just talking to strangers. What's the point? I need to get to know someone through repeated interaction to determine if they're someone I want to talk to or not.



DuckHairback
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2021
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,854
Location: Dorset

02 Nov 2023, 4:16 am

Sure. We're the same age and seem about the same socially. I don't have much advice, just to say you're not alone in your aloneness. And I don't think it's just ASD, assuming you have that, although it obviously makes socialising harder.

There's something of the age we're at to it too. As you mention, it takes repeated interaction to build a friendship and most people in their 30s and 40s just don't have the time, because they're working and raising families, or they don't have the inclination because they already have a social circle that meets their needs.

But I reckon many people find their social circles shrinking at this time of life as they outgrow people and neglect older friendships and maybe once in their 50s people have more space in their lives for new friendships.

If you want practical advice the only thing I can suggest is try to focus on hobbies and get involved in groups if you can. It helps, I think, if socialising is a by-product of an activity you enjoy anyway. If socialising itself is the aim, that puts a lot of pressure on you and anyone you're trying to socialise with.

I also recommend doing things on your own. Don't stay at home because you've no-one to do stuff with. I go to the cinema on my own, go to music festivals on my own, I've even eaten in restaurants on my own (but I don't recommend that). On a saturday morning I go to parkrun on my own. Occasionally I will get into a conversation with a stranger and that lifts the loneliness. It's not a great solution, but at least there's some chance you will meet someone interesting. There's no chance at all if you stay at home.


_________________
Not a duck. And I don't have a hairy back.


BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,049

02 Nov 2023, 7:18 am

Very good suggestions.
I go out to attend a garden club meeting once a month to meet people and talk.
It is good for learning and keeping social skills to do that. If you don't use your social skills they will decline.

Just going out and doing stuff is good. I go out to play golf twice a week. The drive there is sufficiently hard that my driving skills have improved. I can spot traffic patterns and plan appropriately so I don't get stuck in traffic.

There is a nearby hot dog stand where I can order takeout and eat outside by myself and watch the traffic going by.



blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,658
Location: United Kingdom

02 Nov 2023, 7:23 am

I think this is normal for an autistic person and even more so an autistic person in their forties.

As DHB mentioned, you can always go out alone, which, whilst not company, is still more stimulating than being alone or in the home all of the time.



Bataar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Sep 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,846
Location: Post Falls, ID

02 Nov 2023, 10:32 am

I didn't think about eating out. I do do that on my own quite a bit. I guess I just considered that along the lines of running an errand. :) It's not that I'm afraid to go out by myself, or don't like it, it's just that I usually can't think of anything I want to go do (other than eat out) by myself.



BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,049

02 Nov 2023, 11:16 am

You could visit museums, hiking trails, and parks.
There is a practice area at a golf course that is also a nice park with views of the surrounding mountains. Most of the time you can see the hills around us because the views are blocked by trees and buildings.

Golf courses often have fantastic views, though in some cases the views are only available to golfers.
There is the hazard of golf balls flying through the air at high speed.

Many times there are plenty of places to visit that are close to you but many people don't think of visiting unless they are on vacation! A famous National Geographics photographer realized there was plenty to see in his native California only after photographic many exotic locations.



shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,659

02 Nov 2023, 12:30 pm

Yes I feel socially isolated

I live alone. 40, single, no kids, parents dead

Zero "friends"

Some coworkers act like wild animals. Home Depot hires convicted felons. You don't know which ones have psychiatric diagnoses, weapons, sex with the boss. Some coworkers act all buddy buddy when they are happy but sooner or later they will not be happy. When they are not happy they act like someone violated their stupidass "rights". (Rolls eyes). They act like wild animals.

Not all of the coworkers. Not all the time.

But you never know which mild mannered riffraff is going to emotionally explode

I work in the middle of a homeless encampment, not an office

Emotionally and physically dangerous

Coworkers have gotten struck by cars

Annoying lil dipshits constantly overpowering outnumbering and outsmarting my worthless corpse

Micromanaging

Those ass holes talk way too much and too loud

I don't have enough time cash or energy for extracurricular activities.

Frequently I don't even want to talk to anyone at all



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 24,646
Location: Right over your left shoulder

02 Nov 2023, 2:28 pm

This is why i signed up for hockey.


_________________
If you wonder how you would have responded to apartheid, you're doing it right now.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


fleetinghappiness
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 4 Nov 2023
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1
Location: Illinois

04 Nov 2023, 1:58 am

I can relate to this. I'm 42, male, Aspergers, no kids, enjoy staying active, being out in nature, following the news and some sports, and anything that will make me laugh. I am married to a great wife, but I have no friends. No acquaintances. I'm at home all day so I don't even have coworkers. I'm not even that socially awkward, it's more I'm just honest and blunt. Not rude. I just don't like to "beat around the bush" as the saying goes.

Therefore, I'm quite lonely. An in person friend would be great but even an internet friend, to text or email, would be nice.

I do think the 30's and 40's are a particularly hard time to make friends. My classmates are climbing the corporate ladder and raising families. They all get involved with their coworkers and their kids activities/school etc. That leaves me out.

I could use advise making a friend as well.



Minuteman
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 23 Jan 2020
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 230

04 Nov 2023, 9:02 am

My therapist and I have been looking into group therapy for people my age on the spectrum but there don't seem to be any in my area.

Which proves what I've felt all along -- that there are plenty of resources for younger people but once you turn 25 or so, people like us are on their own.



AprilR
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,517

10 Nov 2023, 1:04 pm

Yeah same for me. There are not even any hobby groups where i live. Since i was an unliked person in college and school before that, i have no friends.