Making friends is just impossible for me

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

Aaa111
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 10 Nov 2023
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Posts: 2
Location: Sweden

10 Nov 2023, 2:08 pm

I'll start with saying that I have had no real friends ever since I was a child and I am 20 years old. Was completely friendless in elementary school and middle school, then in high school I got a friend group but they kicked me out for being too quiet. Now I started college this August and I still haven't made any friends or entered any groups despite trying a lot. Any time I try to start a conversation with someone, they either respond with bland answers, run away from me or interrupt our conversations to go talk to someone else. I tried joining clubs or getting hobbies but the people I got from there also ended up only being acquaintances and nothing more. Whenever I actually manage to get close to someone, they leave me after just a few months because of some mistake I have done, and it's not even a matter of "learn from your mistakes" because I ALWAYS make new mistakes that ALWAYS drive people away, even when fixing the old ones.

It all really makes me feel as if making friends was impossible to me and that I will just be alone forever. Anyone who has any solutions?
Clubs and hobbies really aren't solutions as I only ever get acquaintances from them



Dylan the autist
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 13 Nov 2023
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 31
Location: Republic of Ireland

13 Nov 2023, 4:24 pm

Honestly I teared up reading this. Your post is my exact situation, I'm 23 male in college, that's honestly the main reason I've joined Wrong Planet today, I just can't help but feel I'm missing something, that this can't be all there is. Sounds like you're getting through it strong and that you're making a real effort and that deserves recognition from yourself first and foremost.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,809
Location: New York City (Queens)

13 Nov 2023, 5:30 pm

Aaa111 wrote:
Clubs and hobbies really aren't solutions as I only ever get acquaintances from them

... unless you meet someone with whom you have a lot more in common than just the club/hobby?

Having a club or hobby in common can be a good way to build companionship (having fun together). But it doesn't, by itself, build other foundations of friendship, such as emotional intimacy.

On the other hand, a support group for autistic adults can be a good place to build emotional intimacy, based on talking about common struggles, but it's not necessarily a good place to build companionship.

This is why, in my opinion, the autistic community needs hobby-oriented clubs for autistic people, as well as support groups for autistic people.

Your chances of finding in-person friends here on Wrong Planet are small, because there aren't very many people from Sweden here. However, to increase your chances just a little bit, I would suggest that you edit your profile to include a signature line that mentions your interests/hobbies.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)


Aaa111
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 10 Nov 2023
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Posts: 2
Location: Sweden

17 Nov 2023, 6:17 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Aaa111 wrote:
Clubs and hobbies really aren't solutions as I only ever get acquaintances from them

... unless you meet someone with whom you have a lot more in common than just the club/hobby?

Having a club or hobby in common can be a good way to build companionship (having fun together). But it doesn't, by itself, build other foundations of friendship, such as emotional intimacy.

On the other hand, a support group for autistic adults can be a good place to build emotional intimacy, based on talking about common struggles, but it's not necessarily a good place to build companionship.

This is why, in my opinion, the autistic community needs hobby-oriented clubs for autistic people, as well as support groups for autistic people.

Your chances of finding in-person friends here on Wrong Planet are small, because there aren't very many people from Sweden here. However, to increase your chances just a little bit, I would suggest that you edit your profile to include a signature line that mentions your interests/hobbies.


Did not come here to find friends, moreso to find support. But if what you are saying is the case then NOBODY has anything in common with me besides the hobby or school, considering I ONLY ever had acquaintances



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,809
Location: New York City (Queens)

17 Nov 2023, 11:56 am

Aaa111 wrote:
Did not come here to find friends, moreso to find support. But if what you are saying is the case then NOBODY has anything in common with me besides the hobby or school, considering I ONLY ever had acquaintances

I wouldn't say "NOBODY" because you probably haven't met everyone in the world (or even in your own country) who shares your hobbies. And, even among your acquaintances, you can't necessarily conclude that they don't have anything else in common with you, just that no other commonalities were discovered.

Have you looked for in-person autistic adult support groups in your country?


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)


Campingbare
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 218
Location: Central Florida

17 Nov 2023, 1:13 pm

My longest lasting friend (still is after almost 50 years - yeah, I'm old) is ASD1. He was diagnosed around 10 years ago and I was less than a year ago. I decided to tell him about my diagnosis, and he blew me away by telling me he had known I was autistic when he researched autism after his own diagnosis. He didn't feel it was his place to tell me about knowing I was also on the spectrum until I told him, at which point he told me about himself.
Other than my wife, this friend was the only person I would go out to eat or to a movie with. We have had so many shared interests since our teens. It has been a comfortable relationship because neither of us liked crowds, noise, or traffic, but shared a love of being in the wilderness and other "quiet" pursuits. We are both bookworms (although both mainly Kindle readers now), both computer geeks, etc.
I personally would not be comfortable in any group, including an autism support group, but maybe that would be a good way to find one or a few people whose interests and personalities can dovetail with your own. My friend and I have markedly different personalities, but they work together well. When we are at a restaurant or movie, I can focus on his presence and largely ignore everyone else (except the server at a restaurant).


_________________
Broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 139 of 200 Your neurotypical score: 60 of 200
Aspie Quiz (v5) 155 of 200 .. AQ 48 . Detailed Aspie Quotient for adults 1,540 out of 2,200 (70%)
RAADS-R Total 192 of 240 Social Problems 91 Circumscribed Interests 42 Language 19 Sensory Motor 40
Meyer-Briggs: INTP Comorbidities: Narcolepsy, NPD, Alexithemia, Dyspraxia, Prosopagnosia, Anomia, IBS
........................If God meant for us to go around naked, we'd have been born that way........................