How do you stop people from falsely accusing you of lying?

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justanotherpersonsomewhere23124
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13 Nov 2023, 1:13 am

How do you do this?



naturalplastic
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13 Nov 2023, 2:43 am

Wish I knew.

Its not something that happens to me all of the time with everyone. But does happen.

Sometimes its partially my fault because I dont get into other folks heads...to...manage perception.

To prevent the accusations first. Cant think of an example off of the top of my head.

But once the mistake is made and you get accused...am still trying to figure that out.



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13 Nov 2023, 7:48 am

Some people make assumptions about other people and internalise them as truths, even when they are not true and then when these falsely internalised perceptions are revealed to be false by a third party, they might call the third party a liar, even when the third party is telling the truth.

I'll give an example of this:

Person 1 states to person 2 that they are disabled and receive a government benefit (this could be a job seeking benefit for example) - but they do not mention claiming disability.

Person 2 assumes that the other person is on disability.

Person 1 at a later date states that they have never been on disability.

Person 2 claims that person 1 is a liar, believing their internalised assumption made at an earlier date, that person 1 is on disability.

You can apply this kind of thing to any scenario containing different facts. I have had people misinterpret what I say and then call me a liar when conflicting information arises, and it is often because the other person has poor reading comprehension.



IsabellaLinton
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13 Nov 2023, 8:02 am

Reasons I've been accused of lying:


Flat affect, not having normal facial expressions, having a guarded body language, not making eye contact
All of this stuff is what body language experts and even law enforcement consider to be distrustful
They don't seem to have separate criteria for autistic people or those with PTSD


Giving too much detail and having a very sharp memory
It seems people are expected to be idiots these days
My attention to detail makes people nervous
They think I'm fabricating elaborate stories


Having synaesthesia
Synaesthesia helps me remember lots of things I shouldn't, and it's all chaotic
There will be gaps in what I remember because I mostly remember sensory input
People see the gaps as "selective memory" (lying)


Having PTSD
Because of trauma I'm guarded about what I'll share with others
I'm required by law to keep some facts of my life confidential
I don't tell people everything, but I don't lie
I think they sense the gaps and think my story doesn't add up
Sorry to say, but it does


Having alexithymia and mutism
They think they've caught me in a lie if I can't respond
This isn't just with verbal speech, but all communication
That includes written material (court, forums, etc)



How to avoid it?

I have no idea
I can only be my authentic self
I'm a horrible liar and I hate being accused of it
It's a major trauma trigger when people accuse me of lying
I'm about the most straight forward person they'll meet


I wish people would just ask me what they want to know
Most people dance around it and don't ask directly
Either that, or they decide what my truth is on my behalf
They're nearly always wrong



Fenn
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13 Nov 2023, 8:31 am

There is a story about the boy who cried “wolf”. Because he lied, more than once people stopped trusting him. When that happened more he started to be disbelieved when he wasn’t lying. The moral of the story is that people are more likely to believe what you say if you are known for telling the truth. Being honest and truthful over time leads to people believing what you say more often.


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naturalplastic
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13 Nov 2023, 8:38 am

Fenn wrote:
There is a story about the boy who cried “wolf”. Because he lied, more than once people stopped trusting him. When that happened more he started to be disbelieved when he wasn’t lying. The moral of the story is that people are more likely to believe what you say if you are known for telling the truth. Being honest and truthful over time leads to people believing what you say more often.


My guess is that this point has nothing to do with the issue.

Aspies and autistics tend to be honest. More so than NTs.

But we can still be falsely accused.

( We dont really know what the OP's situations are, but based on my own personal experiences as autism spectrum my guess is that that is NOT the issue here).

A famous writer once said that "its easy to fool diplomats (officials engaged in international intrigue). Just always tell them the truth. They never believe me.".

Diplomats are to regular NTs what regular NTs are to aspies. Diplomats play "court intrigue" on a three D chess level. Regular NT folks play their games on a regular two D chess level. And aspies do jigsaw puzzles and dont seek chess opponents at all. So we aspie get chewed up.

Once problem is that aspies dont manage the preception of themselves. Dont anticipate that others will project their own motivations on to you. Motivations you may not have for lies you're not even telling.



IsabellaLinton
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13 Nov 2023, 9:53 am

Fenn wrote:
There is a story about the boy who cried “wolf”. Because he lied, more than once people stopped trusting him. When that happened more he started to be disbelieved when he wasn’t lying. The moral of the story is that people are more likely to believe what you say if you are known for telling the truth. Being honest and truthful over time leads to people believing what you say more often.


That’s dependent on talking to the same people more than once, and having them trust that you were sincere the first time.

In many cases we only speak to a person once, or they don’t believe us anyway even if we told the truth.



IsabellaLinton
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13 Nov 2023, 9:56 am

naturalplastic wrote:


A famous writer once said that "its easy to fool diplomats (officials engaged in international intrigue). Just always tell them the truth. They never believe me.".

Diplomats are to regular NTs what regular NTs are to aspies. Diplomats play "court intrigue" on a three D chess level. Regular NT folks play their games on a regular two D chess level. And aspies do jigsaw puzzles and dont seek chess opponents at all. So we aspie get chewed up.

Once problem is that aspies dont manage the preception of themselves. Dont anticipate that others will project their own motivations on to you. Motivations you may not have for lies you're not even telling.



Fricking great answer. ^ :heart:



naturalplastic
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13 Nov 2023, 2:18 pm

Thankyou^.

The original poster is invited to return to the thread to explain the situation she is talking about.



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13 Nov 2023, 9:22 pm

justanotherpersonsomewhere23124 wrote:
How do you stop people from falsely accusing you of lying?
I document everything, and wait.

The truth eventually reveals itself.

Then I remind the people in charge of who said what (easy when documented).

Co-workers kept getting reprimanded or even dismissed while I slowly rose through the ranks.  This did not make me popular with co-workers, but who needs to be popular with co-workers who fling false accusations around like so much manure?


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