Being accused of “not communicating your needs”

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Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,039

21 Nov 2023, 9:22 pm

BugsBunnyFan wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
My experience is that people in general don't communicate their needs clearly at all, so I don't know what the OP's associates are griping about. In any case, it's a stupid thing to say to somebody if the idea is to influence them. Too critical. I like to think that if it were me I'd have waited for a suitable moment and asked "was there something I could have done for you that I didn't do?"

It’s some BS self-help trend to act like communicating your needs will solve all your problems. I know my mom is into that BS trend. Whenever I’m freaking out about anything she straight up asks “what do you need?”. Well I need her to stop asking that question. Especially if I’m deregulated. That’s a terrible question to begin with. Especially when it’s phrased that way and especially when I’m not fully regulated. Another thing she told me is to ask my body what I need. Well my body just wants to tell her to f**k off.

Yes I think I see that. When somebody is very upset, it's usually better to put normal discussion on hold till they're stronger and more calm. It's like saying "don't lose your temper" to somebody who has lost their temper. It can easily make them more angry. As for the thing as a self-help trend, yes there's a lot of amateur psychiatry goes on by inexperienced people, and I think it's counterproductive at best.