Why finding love is hard for Autistic people

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WantToHaveALife
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10 Dec 2023, 2:43 pm

JimStriderz wrote:
Don’t give up hope. My wife has Asperger’s. In our case, we met at an activity that we both enjoyed doing. Neither of us was looking for a relationship. We became friends through our shared interest.


i assume both of you met while still in your 20s?



Zakatar
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12 Dec 2023, 3:44 pm

Let’s not gloss over the fact that a major reason many straight autistic men have difficulty dating because a lot of autistic women seem to prefer being with NTs.


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nick007
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12 Dec 2023, 5:04 pm

Zakatar wrote:
Let’s not gloss over the fact that a major reason many straight autistic men have difficulty dating because a lot of autistic women seem to prefer being with NTs.
Autism is diagnosed 4x more in men than women & some people think of autism as an extreme male brain. It makes sense to me that there's lots more of autistic men seeking relationships with autistic women than the other way around. That said it's not beyond hope & it may help for autistic men to seek out women who have other types of disorders than autism specifically.


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ProfessorJohn
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12 Dec 2023, 9:12 pm

Zakatar wrote:
Let’s not gloss over the fact that a major reason many straight autistic men have difficulty dating because a lot of autistic women seem to prefer being with NTs.


DING DING DING! We have the winning post!



TwilightPrincess
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12 Dec 2023, 9:15 pm

^ That could seem to be the case when opinions are based off of limited evidence and confirmation bias.


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IsabellaLinton
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12 Dec 2023, 9:38 pm

^

It could also be the case that autistic men don't bother to read what autistic women say about NT partners in reputable chat locations where they give their honest opinions. Places like ... hmmm .... Wrong Planet?

I've yet to see any autistic woman here proclaim that they prefer NT men.


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nick007
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13 Dec 2023, 12:46 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
^

It could also be the case that autistic men don't bother to read what autistic women say about NT partners in reputable chat locations where they give their honest opinions. Places like ... hmmm .... Wrong Planet?

I've yet to see any autistic woman here proclaim that they prefer NT men.
I've seen a some posts on here in the past where women stated they did not want to date autistic men. Some of it was due to the negative behavior of some men on this forum at the time which caused some women to be wary of all autistic men. I haven't seen those types of posts in a long time; maybe a couple years. It's also important to note that not wanting to date autistic men does not automatically mean they prefer NT men; they might want partners who have other types of mental disorders.


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Last edited by nick007 on 13 Dec 2023, 12:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

TwilightPrincess
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13 Dec 2023, 12:50 am

Some posts in the past aren't and weren't indicative of most women on here. Most of us appear to be open to it and at least several have actually dated someone on the spectrum. I have.


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13 Dec 2023, 6:01 am

Not just the autistic part.Originally was called Asperger's Syndrome for me as it's the milder form.

But also I don't get out much because of multiple physical chronic illnesses,mental health issues including trauma/C-PTSD making me agoraphobic so I can only go out with someone.

Also I'm very weird and have some quite extreme but legal fetishes and kinks.
That a partner would have to be into or accept at least.

Then I'm also alternative/gothic. And generally I only like a certain type of person. I'm pansexual though.



nick007
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13 Dec 2023, 12:04 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Some posts in the past aren't and weren't indicative of most women on here. Most of us appear to be open to it and at least several have actually dated someone on the spectrum. I have.
Your right about thart.


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WantToHaveALife
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13 Dec 2023, 6:03 pm

Zakatar wrote:
Let’s not gloss over the fact that a major reason many straight autistic men have difficulty dating because a lot of autistic women seem to prefer being with NTs.


doesn't help that its still not unusual, not unheard of, for lots of autistic men to be forever alone at 30+



TwilightPrincess
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13 Dec 2023, 6:15 pm

^ It happens to other humans a lot too - autistic and otherwise.


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CockneyRebel
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13 Dec 2023, 11:05 pm

Because I'm too honest for my own good.


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Zakatar
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14 Dec 2023, 11:23 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
^

It could also be the case that autistic men don't bother to read what autistic women say about NT partners in reputable chat locations where they give their honest opinions. Places like ... hmmm .... Wrong Planet?

I've yet to see any autistic woman here proclaim that they prefer NT men.


I’ve definitely seen those posts and certainly don’t believe all autistic women prefer NTs.

I’m basing the statement my experience irl - the vast majority of straight and bi/pan autistic women I know who are dating are with non-autistic men.


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TwilightPrincess
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14 Dec 2023, 11:27 am

How many women with diagnosed autism do you know offline? Just because a woman is dating a NT man doesn't mean that she prefers them in general. Maybe she just happened to fall for someone who was NT, especially taking into consideration the fact that most people ARE NT.


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FleaOfTheChill
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14 Dec 2023, 11:52 am

I haven't encountered many autistic women in real life. On here, I've never noticed any women saying they wouldn't date an autistic man. I certainly would date one, though I'm not sure I qualify as a woman :lol: that's subjective.

For myself, I think my struggles with finding love are complicated. One, I make a crappy partner in a lot of ways. My need for alone time can be off putting to others and leaves them feeling lonely in their relationship with me. I'm not overly emotional or affectionate either. I suck at texting or calling. I can be immature to. I don't get out much, so I'm not often in a place to even meet people. Then there's the fact that I'm odd. Not everyone is into odd. I suck at keeping a conversation going, and that's not great when getting to know people. I also suck at being able to read people, and I've found myself in relationships with people who end up being abusive or shi**y to me. Where others would have seen red flags, I am oblivious. There are tons of reasons why I have a hard time with this stuff. Then add into the mix that it's hard for any person to find someone they mesh with, click with, and want to drop their time and energy into...and have that person feel the same. This isn't a thing that's only difficult for autistic folk. Love is hard in general, I think.