Why finding love is hard for Autistic people

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WantToHaveALife
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18 Dec 2023, 4:21 pm

a failed relationship can also destroy a person



auntblabby
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18 Dec 2023, 9:23 pm

with my last one it almost destroyed me.



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19 Dec 2023, 7:09 am

I was ghosted recently after meeting up with someone. She was lovely and had asked me out. We spoke on the phone for an hour the week prior. You have to brush it off and not take it personally, despite it feeling unpleasant. It was only my third date this year - the apps are atrocious.


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WantToHaveALife
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22 Dec 2023, 9:49 pm

auntblabby wrote:
with my last one it almost destroyed me.


ya i feel i kinda wasted my time with her but i was reluctant to break up with her in order to avoid becoming single again, but probably the bigger reason, is my resentment of having to put myself out there all over again



auntblabby
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23 Dec 2023, 1:39 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
with my last one it almost destroyed me.


ya i feel i kinda wasted my time with her but i was reluctant to break up with her in order to avoid becoming single again, but probably the bigger reason, is my resentment of having to put myself out there all over again

one in that situation might ultimately wonder if it is all worth it? what other more utilitarian things could one be doing with the spoon energy gobbled up by dating?



WantToHaveALife
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23 Dec 2023, 3:01 pm

auntblabby wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
with my last one it almost destroyed me.


ya i feel i kinda wasted my time with her but i was reluctant to break up with her in order to avoid becoming single again, but probably the bigger reason, is my resentment of having to put myself out there all over again

one in that situation might ultimately wonder if it is all worth it? what other more utilitarian things could one be doing with the spoon energy gobbled up by dating?


bigger reason, i don't want to have to go through the drama and burden of having to court women all over again, having to approach them and hit on them, lead interactions all over again.



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25 Dec 2023, 3:36 am

Matched with someone on Tinder, not for the first time. It's pretty dead on there. I messaged and asked about her dog, she said thanks for the message and told me about him. I sent a follow up and she unmatched. This is pretty typical for online dating.


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WantToHaveALife
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26 Dec 2023, 5:35 pm

Quote:
I am not sure I would want to deal with the rejection again.


thats kinda part of it for me but more so i don't want to risk making a woman feel uncomfortable or don't want to risk violating her boundaries, and that goes back to my angry enraging reminder on how it seems people and society expect us guys, men, to have natural instinctive innate common sense for knowing how to act and behave socially around women in terms of not creeping them out, they expect us to just naturally just get it without ever having made any social mistakes in our whole life.

While i've never gotten a restraining order or never have gotten arrested, never have gotten pepper sprayed by women, there have been times over the years i felt like my presence was not welcome, i felt like i made the woman feel uncomfortable and that was very embarassing painful wise.



auntblabby
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26 Dec 2023, 11:40 pm

one would do better to NOT dwell on maybes. one would do well to NOT dwell on people who were made uncomfortable, because there's nothing one can do about it now, all one can do is strive to brainstorm on what makes people less uncomfortable.



yurguardianangel
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27 Dec 2023, 12:26 pm

I start crying and feeling really upset when I look at people online I really like.Whether on social media,OnlyFans etc.
I really hate being single for over a decade. Unless you count an online relationship in 2016. But still ages ago.
And I much prefer guys too.



auntblabby
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27 Dec 2023, 12:52 pm

^^^don't get sad, get mad. get so mad that you will do what it takes, no matter how radical, to change the situation. if you tell yourself, "i'm not chopped liver! i'm just as worthy of lovin's as these other jokers!" - that would be a start. you had a mate before so that tells me it is possible.



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27 Dec 2023, 1:34 pm

Or maybe not mad since that can be a turn off to people-but maybe motivated enough to make some changes or doing something different, whatever that might be



WantToHaveALife
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27 Dec 2023, 5:46 pm

auntblabby wrote:
one would do better to NOT dwell on maybes. one would do well to NOT dwell on people who were made uncomfortable, because there's nothing one can do about it now, all one can do is strive to brainstorm on what makes people less uncomfortable.


ya, some people say, however i'm not sure if i believe it completely, they say that messing up socially, screwing up interactions, even if it means getting awkward or negative reactions from others, is part of the process of improving socially, even though obviously its different for men and women.