symptoms mismatch w other autistic person

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colliegrace
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06 Dec 2023, 8:17 pm

So I have a friend who is also autistic, and likely also has intellectual disability. I noticed he didn't have a coat for the cold weather, so I told him I'd get him one. Well, today is a cold day, so I decided to go thrifting and look for a jacket in a thrift store. They didn't have a wide selection, but I found a super nice one.... only problem, 4 sizes larger than my friend wears. I called him up said hey I found you a jacket, it's larger than you wear, etc.

Gave it to him tonight. He could not stop talking about how it's larger than he wears. I try to tell him it's ok, so long as you can wear it, it'll keep you warmer cuz it's bigger. I guess he couldn't get over the size thing though, cuz he calls me later tonight and says so and so said the coat is too large for me, I can't wear it, I fell over, etc.

Mind you, I have no idea if he's telling the truth or not, he's a bit of a habitual liar. So when he tells me stuff, I have no idea how much of it is actually true. I don't know if he actually fell over. I wore the jacket myself to try it out and it wasn't bad at all - and I'm definitely smaller than he is.

But either way, I guess this jacket isn't to his liking and I should get him another one.

I'm a bit annoyed, but I do also understand it. This isn't an area where I'd trip all over myself trying to "follow the rules" or have "the one right way", but there are some areas where my autism does make me trip up over such things. (Mostly at work.)

He also said he didn't want to hurt my feelings, of course, but I realize that his feelings on the matter were too strong to be held back.
So I'll be a good friend and buy a more appropriately sized coat.


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ASD, most likely have dyscalculia & BPD as well. Also dx'd ADHD-C, but don't think it's accurate.
RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD


DanielW
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06 Dec 2023, 8:27 pm

Unless he has said he actually wants a jacket, I would refrain from getting another. Its could very well be a sensory issue. I would rather be cold that feel the wrong jacket on my skin. Its a nice gesture, but honestly I have re-gifted/donated nearly every jacket anyone has ever given me...its just really hard / awkward to say "no, I don't want a jacket" especially when someone is trying to be nice.

I doubt its a lie...some people just don't get the discomfort issue and won't take no for an answer.



Last edited by DanielW on 06 Dec 2023, 8:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

colliegrace
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06 Dec 2023, 8:29 pm

DanielW wrote:
Unless he has said he actually wants a jacket, I would refrain from getting another. Its could very well be a sensory issue. I would rather be cold that feel the wrong jacket on my skin. Its a nice gesture, but honestly I have re-gifted/donated nearly every jacket anyone has ever given me...uts just really hard / awkward to say "no, I don't want a jacket" especially when someone is trying to be nice.

Good point, but I did ask him before buying one and he seemed fairly enthusiastic


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ASD, most likely have dyscalculia & BPD as well. Also dx'd ADHD-C, but don't think it's accurate.
RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD


DanielW
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06 Dec 2023, 8:32 pm

colliegrace wrote:
DanielW wrote:
Unless he has said he actually wants a jacket, I would refrain from getting another. Its could very well be a sensory issue. I would rather be cold that feel the wrong jacket on my skin. Its a nice gesture, but honestly I have re-gifted/donated nearly every jacket anyone has ever given me...uts just really hard / awkward to say "no, I don't want a jacket" especially when someone is trying to be nice.

Good point, but I did ask him before buying one and he seemed fairly enthusiastic


What else would he sound like...if he's trying to be polite in kind? Perhaps if he really does want one you could let him pick one out? Its a lot easier to say thank you and never wear it, that to try and turn it down flat.



Last edited by DanielW on 06 Dec 2023, 8:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

IsabellaLinton
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06 Dec 2023, 8:33 pm

I've needed a new winter coat for about ten years but I can't find one I like.
It's because of the fabric and the sound.
I can't stand coats that make that shuffling sound when you move.
The fabric needs to be water repellent because we get a lot of freezing rain and slush.
It needs to be warm enough for -30 without being bulky.
I hate drawstrings on the waist or the neck.
I hate snap closures especially by the neck.
I hate those big boxy pockets that have snap closures.
No freaking velcro.
I hate certain linings touching my neck.
I like detachable hoods.
I hate double zippers.
I hate puffy jackets.
Then there's colour.
Then there's the fact it can't have logos like Canada Goose.


The list goes on.
Daniel's answer was exactly right.



Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 06 Dec 2023, 8:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

colliegrace
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06 Dec 2023, 8:37 pm

DanielW wrote:
colliegrace wrote:
DanielW wrote:
Unless he has said he actually wants a jacket, I would refrain from getting another. Its could very well be a sensory issue. I would rather be cold that feel the wrong jacket on my skin. Its a nice gesture, but honestly I have re-gifted/donated nearly every jacket anyone has ever given me...uts just really hard / awkward to say "no, I don't want a jacket" especially when someone is trying to be nice.

Good point, but I did ask him before buying one and he seemed fairly enthusiastic


What else would he sound like...if he's trying to be polite in kind? Perhaps if he really does want one you could let hime pick one out? Its a lot easier to say thank you and never wear it, that to try and turn it down flat.

I just called him back to be sure he does want another one. Come to think of it I know he doesn't like long sleeved shirts, so I did bring that up and asked if a jacket would be uncomfortable.
He does want me to get him another jacket. We are actually planning on shopping tomorrow to get a Christmas present for my mom, so maybe we can let him pick one out then. Thanks for the suggestion.


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ASD, most likely have dyscalculia & BPD as well. Also dx'd ADHD-C, but don't think it's accurate.
RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD


colliegrace
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06 Dec 2023, 8:40 pm

As for this coat.... he says he'll give it back to me. I actually do greatly enjoy oversized jackets, so I guess it's a win-win. I get an oversized jacket and he gets a jacket he actually likes.
Also it has a lot of pockets, which I find absolutely delightful.


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ASD, most likely have dyscalculia & BPD as well. Also dx'd ADHD-C, but don't think it's accurate.
RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD


colliegrace
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17 Dec 2023, 2:58 pm

Went shopping yesterday and he picked out a jacket he liked. Was a fair bit more expensive, but I did promise and it's an early Christmas gift


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ASD, most likely have dyscalculia & BPD as well. Also dx'd ADHD-C, but don't think it's accurate.
RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD


DanielW
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17 Dec 2023, 3:37 pm

I'm glad it worked out :-)



belijojo
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18 Dec 2023, 7:17 am

happy ending


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CockneyRebel
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18 Dec 2023, 10:49 am

I think it's a cute story. I'm glad there's a happy ending.


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