What Is the Most Ableist Thing Someone Has Said to You?

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JosetteJoy
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10 Dec 2023, 1:06 am

A few months ago, I was going to a church conference thing that lasted all week. I was told "Just forget you have meltdowns. Try to have fun."

I had a great time, but I had two meltdowns. One while I was in Accommodations (where I shouldn't have had one) and one while I was surrounded by EVERYONE. There were hundreds of other kids.

So, just telling an autistic person to forget they have meltdowns won't stop them from having them. It's out of their control.



IsabellaLinton
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10 Dec 2023, 1:29 am

I hear a lot of ableist BS about PTSD in particular -


Just forget about it
Just ignore it
Don't let it bother you
Get over it
Let it go
Picture yourself somewhere peaceful
It can't hurt you anymore


Regarding ASD, a former friend said I could stop being autistic if I went to Gestalt therapy.

To beat Agoraphobia I'm supposed to go outside because apparently it will cheer me up.

They tell me to go out in the sun for Vitamin D despite my photophobia.

Most of the time I'm incredulous at any and all advice I'm given.


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JosetteJoy
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10 Dec 2023, 1:37 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I hear a lot of ableist BS about PTSD in particular -


Just forget about it
Just ignore it
Don't let it bother you
Get over it
Let it go
Picture yourself somewhere peaceful
It can't hurt you anymore


Regarding ASD, a former friend said I could stop being autistic if I went to Gestalt therapy.

To beat Agoraphobia I'm supposed to go outside because apparently it will cheer me up.

They tell me to go out in the sun for Vitamin D despite my photophobia.

Most of the time I'm incredulous at any and all advice I'm given.

I have crippling necrophobia and when I told someone, they told me "That's stupid."



IsabellaLinton
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10 Dec 2023, 1:54 am

I'm sorry to hear that. ^

As a child I was terrified of time and old people, ultimately because of death.


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JosetteJoy
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10 Dec 2023, 2:17 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm sorry to hear that. ^

As a child I was terrified of time and old people, ultimately because of death.

You'd be surprised how often dead things appear when you have necrophobia.

You said you have agoraphobia. I have social anxiety which can make it hard for me in the same ways of agoraphobia. How do you handle with it? And to stay on topic, do you have an internal ableist, or is your inner self ableistic?



IsabellaLinton
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10 Dec 2023, 2:32 am

I'm reclusive. That's how I deal. I have an avoidant personality style. I have social anxiety and panic disorder in addition to Ago. My Ago isn't entirely social though. A lot of it is sensory and trauma-based. My inner-self is 13 years old at best, so I try to be good to her. I consider her my inner-adolescent since I don't really have an inner-child.

The only ableist voice I hear in my head is my mother, my exh, and a lot of courtroom judges.


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CockneyRebel
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10 Dec 2023, 6:27 am

"There are a lot of things that other people can do that you will never be able to do and part of it is because you have a learning disability." said to me by my own dad.


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colliegrace
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10 Dec 2023, 6:42 am

Idk, probably "that girl needs a good spanking" after a meltdown mistaken for a tantrum.

Pretty sure tantrums, which are intentional misbehaviors, don't leave you struggling to calm down to the point you are hyperventilating :shrug:

Oh, also my mom speculating that I must be autistic because of all the vaccines I got as a young child :roll:


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Edna3362
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10 Dec 2023, 10:48 am

In translation:

"Dapat kaming mga normal hindi nag aadjust sa inyong mga special. Dapat kayong mga special mag adjust para samin."

"We (NTs) should not have to adjust (accomodate) to you (NDs). It's you (NDs) who had to adjust (conform) for us (NTs)."

Makes me want to destroy society because of whatever shite ideas that is being perpetuated and collectively self enforced.


But that's not the worst of it;

In which after asking to 'translate' whatever XYZ meant:
"Bakit ako bababa sa level mo?"

"Why do I (someone articulate and contextual) have to (explain it to you)'stoop to your level'?" Pertaining to my current state (not ideal) related to my language and communication abilities. :roll:


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shortfatbalduglyman
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10 Dec 2023, 12:42 pm

"you don't look autistic". (Autism has no "look". Autism is not down syndrome)

"You are not autistic!"



JosetteJoy
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10 Dec 2023, 2:15 pm

Someone once yelled at me "Did you see (name of another autistic person)?! That's real autism!"



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10 Dec 2023, 3:18 pm

you can do anything you set your mind to. ( You are just not trying hard enough) .


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colliegrace
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10 Dec 2023, 4:18 pm

"Everyone does that, not everything is a result of your disorder" (in regards to autistic struggles w executive dysfunction)


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10 Dec 2023, 5:38 pm

I can't immediately remember anything that was very explicit, but I've heard a lot of unclear instructions that seem to assume if I can't get the meaning from the context, that's my hard luck.

I don't think ableism is always the "guilty" variety, i.e. where the ableist deliberately denies adjustments that they know full well the disabled person needs, though I'm sure it exists. There's also an innocent variety where they just don't know what's going on. And there's a kind where the adjustments are too cumbersome to reasonably expect people to grant them. The world can't be expected to revolve round disabled people. It might be able to do that better if society felt it had more spare capacity, but many people have their own troubles and they have little or nothing to give. Nation states aren't loving, caring families.



shortfatbalduglyman
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10 Dec 2023, 9:27 pm

autisticelders wrote:
you can do anything you set your mind to. ( You are just not trying hard enough) .


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Plenty of factors influence the outcome of whether or not you succeed at an endeavor:

Effort
Efficiency
Luck
Personality
Health

Effort is just one factor

However nobody can just do "anything" they set their mind to

Sometimes I get paranoid someone will say "can you please go commit suicide? You can do anything you set your mind to!"



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10 Dec 2023, 9:34 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Sometimes I get paranoid someone will say "can you please go commit suicide? You can do anything you set your mind to!"


I'd just try to sound despondent and tell them 'no, I'd probably f**k that up too'. :cry:

Then walk away doing the sad Charlie Brown walk.

Image


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