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robo37
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04 Jan 2024, 9:53 pm

I fell out with a close friend last year.

I was concerned that her boyfriend was preventing her from meeting up with friends, and so I asked a few mutual friends if they noticed anything problematic in their relationship, and ended up asking her directly and sending her the domestic abuse helpline.

She ended up blocking me on Facebook saying that I was putting too much strain on her relationship, and also said that me making a public post on New Years day thanking her and a few others for how supportive they've been to me that year made her feel uncomfortable.

Thankfully we're still Discord friends, so I was hoping to send her this message through Discord to apologise for upsetting her, in the hope she will understand why I was concerned and could possibly consider being friends again.

Please could you guys let me know how effective this is as an apology message and if it all makes sense?

I feel like I've might have put too much, but if it is I wouldn't know what's safe to exclude without diluting the overall message.

Thanks in advance.

Quote:
Hey,

I wanted to apologise for upsetting you these past few years.

It was wrong of me to suggest that your boyfriend was abusive in that way and I'm sorry. I didn’t intend to upset you I was just incredibly worried about you at the time and didn't realise that I was making things worse. To give you some context, I had a close friend who was in a difficult relationship, and no matter how many times we talked about meeting up she could never commit to anything definite. It turned out what was happening was that her boyfriend kept her locked up inside the house 24/7, wouldn’t let her go out to meet friends and was even forbidden from phoning me.

When you sounded so enthusiastic about going to [Pub Name] again but we never managed to come up with a definite day or month, I began to worry the same thing was happening to you too. On top of that one of my difficulties with autism is that I struggle with uncertainty, and while I did appreciate the constant reassurance that we would go to [Pub Name] the long wait was very anxiety inducing for me. Arranging meetups doesn’t come natural to me at all, but I really tried my hardest to arrange something like last time and it was difficult for me to find a day or month that you would commit to.

I realise now that you were probably just waiting for the right opportunity and it was entirely my fault for being so bad at organising things. However I hope you understand why the entire situation was so incredibly stressful for me, and why I was concerned for your personal wellbeing.

I hope that this has helped clear the air between us. I was wondering if enough time has passed that maybe you would consider being friends again? I’ve made sure to change the privacy of that New Years post you didn’t like, and I promise to always ask you first before doing anything that could make you uncomfortable.

Whatever you decide, please let me know. Even if it’s just to say that you don’t feel we can rebuild our friendship.

Kindest of Regards,
[My Name]



HPfan
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13 Jan 2024, 5:52 pm

I think it is a great apology and you seem sincere. Based on your explanation, it makes sense why you did what you did, and hopefully, your friend will forgive you.



rse92
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13 Jan 2024, 7:10 pm

I want to apologize for hurting you. I realize now I was way out of line, and I am deeply sorry. I hope you can forgive me and we can be friends again.

That’s what your apology should say. I’m not sure she wants to hear four paragraphs of your excuses and rationalizations. Your apology should be abject and unconditional.



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