How can I help this relationship be good and last?(aspies)

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Woahimtired
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20 Jan 2024, 4:21 pm

Both me and him have Asperger's and ADHD and we were ldr, I relocated to be near him and also for better opportunities.

I was stressed that I could relocate and I made him worry a lot with my stress and depression.

But yeah I am managing to move. Yay


How can a relationship between two NDs be healthy and last long term?

I am seeing counselors and social workers and I try not to make him worry about me anymore.

Also he usually initiates things and would like me to bring more suggestions on what to do together.



nick007
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21 Jan 2024, 11:12 am

Both me & my girlfriend are Aspies (well there's a chance Cass isn't but she has lots of overapping issues & her psychiatrist thinks there's a possibility she is) but we also both have other various mental & physical issues. Some issues we have in common & some we do not. Also the way we both act within a relationship is a bit different than stereotypical Aspies. We're clingy & needy with each other whereas stereotypical Aspies want more space & indpendence within relationships. So I'm not sure how usefull my advice will be.

I guess some big reasons why me & Cass are still together are that we both understand & accept each other better than anyone else ever has. We realize that any relationship we could ever be in would have various issues & problems so we don't expect perfection from our relationship, each other, or ourselves. We also know that our own lives would be a lot worse without each other even if we think the other deserves better. So we're both majorly committed to making or relationship work. We try to work on ourselves while trying to be supportive & accepting of each other. Our relationship is very interdependent so we both really try to be very supportive of each other. We're kinda direct with each other because we both have problems with hints.

Our relationship started as long distance. I felt trapped living with my patents & kinda hated the area so I was very willing to relocate for a relationship. We've been living together 11 years now. We had LOTs of bad fights when we first moved in together, she changed apartments then as well so things were very stressfull & we both had major adjusting to do. We always both feel like total cr@p after fighrs partly because we both majorly hate upsetting the other. We never did a lot of romantic or special things together. We do aLOT of hanging out at home & we do various chores together or while the other is around. Sometimes we do the same things but other times we're doing our own thing while the other is near ie one watches TV while the other plays video-games & we're talking to each other some as well.


My advice is to not expect perfection. There will be some problems & it's important to learn how to handle them. Be direct about your own needs & wants & tell him to do the same. Be open to finding compromises that could work for both of you. Sometimes it's better to give in instead of having a huge fight. When you or him are on the verge of having a meltdown it might be good to give each other space for a bit to calm down. You can enjoy being together while doing daily things. Putting pressue to do something special together can cause stress.

I wish you two the best of luck :P


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Stalk
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22 Jan 2024, 6:57 am

Try



We don't have to feel alone knowing that neurotypicals are struggling with this too. So we all need some self confidence.



honeytoast
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22 Jan 2024, 11:02 am

Stalk wrote:
Try



We don't have to feel alone knowing that neurotypicals are struggling with this too. So we all need some self confidence.

Is this a skit? I don't think this is supposed to be taken seriously :lol:


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Jakki
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22 Jan 2024, 12:29 pm

Good Luck on your Newly found relationship ...the odds were probably low that two aspies can make that close connection .But nice wonders happen often sometimes . Even if they require certain degrees of stress .. at least intially .
Allowing for each others stimming and or perserverations .( hobbies) should help keep a relationship , happier than not . ! i would think.....Going through stuff can sometimes bond a couple together ....in a good way. Congrats on finding someone your can be with , and ? Love? maybe . :D


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