Page 1 of 1 [ 10 posts ] 

Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,157

23 Jan 2024, 9:45 am

One of the things that I don't understand is why people tend to keep associating with people whom they don't like or seriously loathe.

Meanwhile, they put out many red flags

1. They constantly criticize them
2. They compete with them
3. They make plans and bail with bizarre excuses
4. They constantly yell or snap at them
5. They constantly treat them like they are a pest by nagging at them
6. They jerk them around
7. They are not excited to see them
8. They don't seem too sad if plans don't work out
9. The other person can't be themselves around them
10. The other person often feels empty or sick after



Charlemania
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jan 2024
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 177
Location: Cleveland Ohio

24 Jan 2024, 4:38 am

Quote:
One of the things that I don't understand is why people tend to keep associating with people whom they don't like or seriously loathe


Some people enjoy abusing others.

I was born to two narcissists and am still working on not attracting /not being attracted to these types.

If you see this behavior, do your best to eliminate these people from your life.

If work or family siuations prevent total exclusion, interact as little as possible, maintain an indifferent affect, and don't share anything about yourself.

Good luck!


_________________
In destinies sad or merry, true men can but try.
~Sir Gawain and the Green Knight


blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 15,136
Location: United Kingdom

24 Jan 2024, 7:09 am

There are unpleasant people you will meet in life.

If you feel the need, you should cut contact if it is for the sake of your own stable mental health.

This is easier to do for non-family members.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,157

25 Jan 2024, 8:28 am

Charlemania wrote:
Quote:
One of the things that I don't understand is why people tend to keep associating with people whom they don't like or seriously loathe


Some people enjoy abusing others.

I was born to two narcissists and am still working on not attracting /not being attracted to these types.

If you see this behavior, do your best to eliminate these people from your life.

If work or family situations prevent total exclusion, interact as little as possible, maintain an indifferent effect, and don't share anything about yourself.

Good luck!


I have gotten to the point where I can recognize when someone is toxic and I learn to stay away from them. I have also learned to recognize when I am not at the top of someone's list.

Anyway, I feel that it's very misleading for someone to feel and act the way they do, yet still call us their friends.



Charlemania
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jan 2024
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 177
Location: Cleveland Ohio

26 Jan 2024, 12:24 am

Quote:
Anyway, I feel that it's very misleading for someone to feel and act the way they do, yet still call us their friends.


It IS very misleading, and it can also be very hard when you have vulnerabilities around friendship.

I'm glad that you stay away from toxic people; I hope you are able to find some nice rl friends.

:heart:

I need to find some, too!


_________________
In destinies sad or merry, true men can but try.
~Sir Gawain and the Green Knight


Jakki
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,186
Location: Outter Quadrant

26 Jan 2024, 12:46 am

occasionally my friend refers to those types as Psychopaths ... :roll: ..
And Am never wanting to be on the top of anybodies list ....its just a nice accident when you are .. :D


_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
Quote:
where ever you go ,there you are


Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,157

31 Jan 2024, 4:30 pm

Yep and here are some other red flags to look for

1. The said friend never invites them anywhere
2. The said friend seemed to have time for them before another came into the picture. After that, the said friend starts shutting that person out of the conversation while the new person is paying attention to.
3. The said friend starts avoiding you when they walk into the room
4. When the person, who is being treated poorly mentions they are friends with this person, the other either pretend or doesn't what this person is talking about.
5. The said friend ignores them in front of other people and then acts like a friend when they are not around.
6. Other people go to them and confirm things that the said friend claimed.



elotepreparado
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2024
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 121
Location: Texas

06 Feb 2024, 2:47 pm

I think I have also seen people get attached to others before the other person became really nasty. And then they stay with the newly-nasty person because they are hoping that they become nice again or they feel like their nice moments make up for their nastiness.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,157

08 Feb 2024, 8:25 am

elotepreparado wrote:
I think I have also seen people get attached to others before the other person became really nasty. And then they stay with the newly-nasty person because they are hoping that they become nice again or they feel like their nice moments make up for their nastiness.


I have associated with a few people like this in the past and it never dawned on me that these people were fake in the beginning. Rather, I would have periods where we would get along which gave me hope that things would get better.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,157

08 Feb 2024, 8:27 am

elotepreparado wrote:
I think I have also seen people get attached to others before the other person became really nasty. And then they stay with the newly-nasty person because they are hoping that they become nice again or they feel like their nice moments make up for their nastiness.


I have associated with a few people like this in the past and it never dawned on me that these people were fake in the beginning. Rather, I would have periods where we would get along which gave me hope that things would get better. Regardless, I would end up being unhappy with them 90% of the time and eventually cut them off.