Early autism diagnosis=no personality

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BugsBunnyFan
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25 Jan 2024, 8:18 pm

That’s what it feels like to me. I feel like I was never able to develop a real personality. If I do anything, it’s instantly just labeled as autism. Doesn’t feel like a real personality. So when people ask me to describe myself I never can. Especially if it’s personality traits. People give me shallow labels like quirky and shy, but that’s about it. I think quirky is just a polite way to say I’m acting autistic. I act shy sometimes because everyone constantly treated me like I’m inferior and called me socially inappropriate. So of course I’ll act shy. But that’s just my behavior. So it feels so shallow. I can’t keep up my shyness for that long either. I mainly just act shy when interactions don’t suit my communication style.



autisticelders
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26 Jan 2024, 5:44 am

beyond all that, your personality is also the things you love, the things you hate, the way you treat yourself and others, the things you believe, your morals, values, and ideals.

If you are looking at yourself to find "who you are" , spending time sorting out the personality traits above may help you find the real you.

people can give any of us labels, but their opinions and judgements have no value, and what others tell you about yourself is maybe not true because their own perception is unreliable or personal only to them as well.

I don't believe for a minute that somebody with an icon symbol like yours does not have a lot of personality! :)


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26 Jan 2024, 2:58 pm

I think I can understand that. I guess there's a risk that an ASD diagnosis can cause the client to become (or feel) defined by the autism. The condition pervades a lot of everyday life so it's likely to come up a lot.

I don't know what the answer is. Maybe just try to get your mind off ASD, to get out of the habit of seeing everything in terms of autism. ASD isn't a personality thing. Your personality is something else. It might help to take some personality tests, to help you to focus more on the aspects of yourself that aren't ASD. Of course ASD will influence those aspects, and it's probably impossible to escape from it completely.

This web page contains one or two things that might be helpful. The English isn't perfect but the mistakes aren't too misleading:

https://iamcadence.com/2018/03/26/what- ... it-is-not/

"Personality is both genetically influenced and consequent to life experiences, particularly in early childhood, which in turn mould’s our attitudes and our personal beliefs and values. Elements of our personality can and do change as we mature, and some elements of our personality is a part of our neurology that can be influenced (changed) if we choose to do so.

Personality is the difference between one Autistic child being innately adventurous, extraverted and persistent, and another Autistic child being introverted, novelty seeking and reward dependant. It is the key factor that underpins an Autistic child being ‘socially orientated’ and an Autistic child preferring isolation. It is the driving force between weather the child innately responds aggressively when dissatisfied, or if a child innately responds introspectively when dissatisfied. Elements of personality change over a persons life span.
"



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26 Jan 2024, 3:16 pm

I can't relate.

Because I can distinguish between which is an autism symptom, which is an autistic inclination and which personality trait is influenced by it, which can overlap and be both, and which aspect of me is not well influenced and unexplained by autism -- which is generally traits coming from my upbringing and genetics, and not all that is outside of autism are necessarily all are good for personality development.

I've read a lot of accounts of those with emotional neglect and how much of them couldn't distinguish it between autism from emotional neglect -- especially on the outside.
The similar accounts say that as if their trauma is their personality.

Strange enough, I can.
I'm not naturally shy, not really an introvert, whatever social anxieties I had did not last, my fight or flight responses are not as consistent and I can sense how unreasonable it even exists let alone 'should' influence me, etc.

The usual autistic "personality" never resonated with me (many of the social aspect of autism), but the inclination does, my cognition, my perception, my senses...

It's like...
Yeah, I can relate to sensitive hearing, the stress and overwhelm, and the lack of filter -- but I cannot relate to misophonia and pain and the fight or flight...


I'd say...
Look at your life backwards.
The input you receive and the environment you're in VS your reactions, your perceptions and then the feedback that you received and your reactions to such feedback, etc.


My problem is in fact the opposite of OP; I have issues with my "personality" than with autism.
My behaviors and reactions do not match the way I how want and intended to be.
I'd rather be a stereotypical aspie than whatever I have.

And apparently I already have visible signs before age 5. But no one calls it autism, and no one calls it a quirk.
A good portion of my 'personality' that do not resonate with being autistic -- is coming from living with my NT family members and the culture I had to make do around; and I don't like it.


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Last edited by Edna3362 on 26 Jan 2024, 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CockneyRebel
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26 Jan 2024, 3:43 pm

I was diagnosed early and people tell me that I have a strong personality.


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SharonB
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27 Jan 2024, 6:44 am

I get it. I am told I was happy and energetic as a child then when I started school (socializing) that changed. So as an adult I am still by default happy, energetic and loud and then relative to social misunderstandings I am quiet, anxious and depressed. I am ASD/ADHD. My ADHD son and I are expressive and agitate easily, my ASD daughter and I are logical and champions of justice - albeit she's more laid back like her dad. One can see the characteristics of ADHD and ASD in me --- I think it's the special combination of those that shape my personality. Thinking about my children in utero - my daughter didn't move around much at all and she also can sit in one place for hours --- genetics relates to characteristic relates to "personality". On the other hand, when a dog jumped on my stomach during pregnancy my son pushed back ... hard. He's constantly on the move, can't stop --- genetics relates to characteristic relates to "personality". It's there from the onset in my humble opinion and then adapts. And it's so complex. If anything I am all things (outgoing, shy, smart, clueless, clumsy, athletic, talkative, mute etc.) and moderating those is hard - which as you have experienced points back to ASD/ADHD. Shrug. :wink:



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27 Jan 2024, 11:37 am

BugsBunnyFan wrote:
That’s what it feels like to me. I feel like I was never able to develop a real personality. If I do anything, it’s instantly just labeled as autism. Doesn’t feel like a real personality. So when people ask me to describe myself I never can. Especially if it’s personality traits. People give me shallow labels like quirky and shy, but that’s about it. I think quirky is just a polite way to say I’m acting autistic. I act shy sometimes because everyone constantly treated me like I’m inferior and called me socially inappropriate. So of course I’ll act shy. But that’s just my behavior. So it feels so shallow. I can’t keep up my shyness for that long either. I mainly just act shy when interactions don’t suit my communication style.


I can completely see this, the flip side is late diagnoses seem to place every aspect of their personality down to undiagnosed autism.



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27 Jan 2024, 4:38 pm

What_in_the_what_now wrote:
BugsBunnyFan wrote:
That’s what it feels like to me. I feel like I was never able to develop a real personality. If I do anything, it’s instantly just labeled as autism. Doesn’t feel like a real personality. So when people ask me to describe myself I never can. Especially if it’s personality traits. People give me shallow labels like quirky and shy, but that’s about it. I think quirky is just a polite way to say I’m acting autistic. I act shy sometimes because everyone constantly treated me like I’m inferior and called me socially inappropriate. So of course I’ll act shy. But that’s just my behavior. So it feels so shallow. I can’t keep up my shyness for that long either. I mainly just act shy when interactions don’t suit my communication style.


I can completely see this, the flip side is late diagnoses seem to place every aspect of their personality down to undiagnosed autism.

Yeah. I hear a lot about that as well. Which doesn’t help my identity issues. Either way I know I’m bad representation, so I wouldn’t be an autism advocate either. I mainly tell parents of autistic kids to sort of talk about how autism impacts things, but also be super careful not to make it their kid’s whole identity. I think it’s also good to find places where people don’t know about your autism diagnosis in order to have a healthy and balanced identity.



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27 Jan 2024, 5:35 pm

BugsBunnyFan wrote:
What_in_the_what_now wrote:
BugsBunnyFan wrote:
That’s what it feels like to me. I feel like I was never able to develop a real personality. If I do anything, it’s instantly just labeled as autism. Doesn’t feel like a real personality. So when people ask me to describe myself I never can. Especially if it’s personality traits. People give me shallow labels like quirky and shy, but that’s about it. I think quirky is just a polite way to say I’m acting autistic. I act shy sometimes because everyone constantly treated me like I’m inferior and called me socially inappropriate. So of course I’ll act shy. But that’s just my behavior. So it feels so shallow. I can’t keep up my shyness for that long either. I mainly just act shy when interactions don’t suit my communication style.


I can completely see this, the flip side is late diagnoses seem to place every aspect of their personality down to undiagnosed autism.

Yeah. I hear a lot about that as well. Which doesn’t help my identity issues. Either way I know I’m bad representation, so I wouldn’t be an autism advocate either. I mainly tell parents of autistic kids to sort of talk about how autism impacts things, but also be super careful not to make it their kid’s whole identity. I think it’s also good to find places where people don’t know about your autism diagnosis in order to have a healthy and balanced identity.


For whatever its worth I think thats good advocacy.

Autism can colour many things. But unless we are all the same it is NOT our identity. Unfortunately for the senseless and parasocial BEING your disability is what brings you attention



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27 Jan 2024, 9:21 pm

Oh, I was thinking about my DNA testing. I'm an American "mutt" (as they say here). A person can look at me and see the Swedish and western European (but probably not the eastern European too much, my sister manifested that, as well as OCD). My point being that I have traits from all these ethnicities and they manifest more of less and... I look like me. So I have traits of ASD, ADHD et al. and I am not one but my manifestation of those. My look and personality are from all of those contributing factors (genetic and environmental). Is my doppelgänger out there who looks like and/or acts like me? Probably. Is she predominantly Swedish or has ASD, ADHD or GAD? Probably. :wink:



vergil96
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28 Jan 2024, 4:41 am

Although I'm late diagnosed, I feel you on not wanting to disclose your diagnosis to others unless it's needed or comes up somehow. I have some stereotypical traits and behaviours of an autistic person, so many people "diagnosed" me on the go. It makes them pigeonhole you and that's not a good thing. People also have wrong ideas why people with autism behave the way they do, or at least this is the case for me.



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19 Mar 2024, 1:16 am

I think being "early" (11 yo) diagnosed kinda did the opposite for me. I attributed less stuff to my autism before because I didn't know that much about autism. I was getting taught and trained and whatever but I didn't know how that therapy was for autism.

It wasn't until I learned more about autism that I realized a lot of the way I am can be viewed as an autistic trait and that sucks. I kinda wish I knew less about autism like before. Now I am more aware of why I have my behaviors and communication issues which makes me kinda upset about being autistic when before I thought I just needed more therapy and practice. Knowing it is autism which is not curable low key discourages me. Makes me feel like no matter how hard I try, I am still autistic. And while some will be able to notice it less when I practice, I am still going to have all these issues.

Also idk how many people truly understand their own personality since a lot of it is how other people view you? Like you find out if you're "actually" funny or fun or weird or cool or whatever from other people usually. Maybe because trying to understand your personality on your own is kinda biased. Or maybe I don't understand what personality really means.



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19 Mar 2024, 1:20 am

SharonB wrote:
Oh, I was thinking about my DNA testing. I'm an American "mutt" (as they say here). A person can look at me and see the Swedish and western European (but probably not the eastern European too much, my sister manifested that, as well as OCD). My point being that I have traits from all these ethnicities and they manifest more of less and... I look like me. So I have traits of ASD, ADHD et al. and I am not one but my manifestation of those. My look and personality are from all of those contributing factors (genetic and environmental). Is my doppelgänger out there who looks like and/or acts like me? Probably. Is she predominantly Swedish or has ASD, ADHD or GAD? Probably. :wink:


Hehe I like that view. Sometimes you appear something entirely different to others even when you think you know yourself a certain way. A lot of people get confused and think I may be greek or turkish or even balkan! I am half spanish and half indigenous mexican and DNA results confirmed that exact that with around 8% west and north african and no more than 0.5% european genes being from outside of spain/portugal/italy.



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19 Mar 2024, 6:56 am

BugsBunnyFan wrote:
That’s what it feels like to me. I feel like I was never able to develop a real personality. If I do anything, it’s instantly just labeled as autism. Doesn’t feel like a real personality. So when people ask me to describe myself I never can. Especially if it’s personality traits. People give me shallow labels like quirky and shy, but that’s about it. I think quirky is just a polite way to say I’m acting autistic. I act shy sometimes because everyone constantly treated me like I’m inferior and called me socially inappropriate. So of course I’ll act shy. But that’s just my behavior. So it feels so shallow. I can’t keep up my shyness for that long either. I mainly just act shy when interactions don’t suit my communication style.

There's no winning on that. If you're late diagnosis, there's a pretty decent chance that your personality is just an accumulation of the bits of various masks that stuck.