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blitzkrieg
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19 Feb 2024, 12:05 pm

I had one woman ask me to be an online relationship a long time ago, before we'd even met, and to make it official on social media. I told her no, and that I didn't think people could be in a real relationship without having met in person.



Mikurotoro92
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19 Feb 2024, 1:15 pm

The lady who works for us Cathy said she was going to talk to her boss Raina about getting me on unsupervised dates through the program to help me get to my goal of marriage

It is 100% legit!


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MaxE
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19 Feb 2024, 1:58 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Day program can refer to different types of programs. It can be a highly structured environment where people with disabilities are taught new skills, and it can also be more of a social place for people to hang out, play games, etc. Whatever the case may be, it’s always a “safe space” with trained and qualified staff. Maybe when she says facilitating dating, it’s more about just the socializing aspect of things - like when people get to know each other there, they might decide to start dating. Staff could help if problems or potential problems arise too. I think more than that would cross some boundaries and could pose legal risks.

As I understand it, day programs are for people whose disability prevents them from working. My son has a "service provider" that runs a day program, but he works afternoons 4 days a week at a food store, so he's not in that program. But if he didn't have a job, he most likely would be. As a consequence, I don't know much about what goes on there.

It may also be a form of "respite day care".


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TwilightPrincess
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19 Feb 2024, 2:21 pm

Day programs aren’t all the same. I know people with diverse needs who go to them. Some have part-time jobs. Some only go to the program 3 days a week. In my current town, there are 3 different day programs that I’m aware of. There’s one for profound mental disabilities in which people learn basic life skills, there’s one for people with significant psychological disorders where they spend their days doing therapeutic activities, and there’s one for people with diverse disabilities in which they can come and go as they please. Its primary purpose is to get them out of the house and to socialize in a safe, supportive environment. There’s another program in which people spend half the day learning skills and the other half working a part-time job. I suppose it’s something you could graduate out of, but the people in the program seem to have such significant disabilities they typically don’t.

In my hometown, I was very briefly in a day program right after I experienced my initial trauma many years ago. I qualified on account of acute PTSD. I didn’t stay in the program for very long because it wasn’t a good fit for me. No one else had my particular problems. I don’t remember that much about it to be honest. It was not a good time in my life. If I could do it over again, I would’ve gotten involved in the support groups for survivors in the YWCA instead.


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Mikurotoro92
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19 Feb 2024, 2:55 pm

It is just a place to go out into the community

Love and friendship can be found there too


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21 Feb 2024, 4:49 am

I was in a day program, never thought that was a day program. When I was a child, my mom wanted me to socialize, I was in a program, I forgot what name of the program, I remember I wore an uniform. I also took classes in the community. I also went to a workshop, I took classes to learn things & also do work, there were outhings, like field trips everyweek. I met my first boyfriend there, we never dated, we went to different places with a group outing. I was in an art gallery workshop, I was in a dance program, I performed onstage too, one of my performance, I performed for 300 people, it was the first time I fitted in, I was a part of something.



Mikurotoro92
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21 Feb 2024, 10:48 am

See it really IS possible to find love at Day Program!


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21 Feb 2024, 11:45 am

What I have experienced; no I don't feel you can fall in love on line. Until you actually know how you will handle disagreements; how you will deal with each other's different habits; how you both feel about child rearing, etc. A relationship is hard work and you can only get an idealized version on line



Last edited by Aspinator on 21 Feb 2024, 11:50 am, edited 2 times in total.

Mikurotoro92
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21 Feb 2024, 11:49 am

Well I personally know people who met online, started dating and got married but they all met each other in person


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nick007
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21 Feb 2024, 3:07 pm

Aspinator wrote:
What I have experienced; no I don't feel you can fall in love on line. Until you actually know how you will handle disagreements; how you will deal with each other's different habits; how you both feel about child rearing, etc. A relationship is hard work and you can only get an idealized version on line
Once my relationships become serious, I have a lot more problems if we reamain mostly online. I hate sleeping alone more & majorly hate not being with my partner in person. It causes my mental health to deteriorates a lot & I direct it at my partner :(


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Kitty4670
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27 Feb 2024, 8:02 pm

I read articles online that people can fall in love. My mom met her boyfriend online, they fell in love. My boyfriend told me he loves me, I didn’t say it back, I didn’t know how I feel. I really hope we meet one day, but he lives in different country 8O :( :cry:



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01 Mar 2024, 5:40 am

MaxE wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
They could get the wrong idea if you ask to go to their house right away. Maybe you could go out to eat, for a walk in a park, or something like that for the first date.

I’d strongly recommend getting to know them before going to their house or a hotel.


Well the "first dates" are facilitated by Community Compass Day Program

Then eventually I should be able to go to their houses or a hotel

If they have some way to facilitate first dates, I suggest you act according to their policies. But I hope you aren't telling people connected with that program that you're actively considering the possibility of having sex with one of the male participants. That could get probably get you banned from the program. I don't know that for a fact, but if I were personally connected in any way with that program, and a female participant went to a hotel with a male participant expressly to have sex with him, and it was suspected that I knew of this and hadn't take action to stop if from happening, I could be in legal trouble.

Don't get me wrong. I would be very happy for you to experience sex with a man. Personally, I don't think that being disabled necessarily "disqualifies" you from having sex. My family is involved with Special Olympics. I know of a couple in SO who were using the Family Restroom at the mall to have sex. I honestly don't know if what they were doing was wrong, but the general opinion was that they had to be stopped. IIRC, the woman's family convinced her that the guy was a jerk and so she wouldn't have sex with him any more.

Even so, the two people in the story I just told had known each other some time and were definitely in love. In your case, I wouldn't necessarily insist that you be in love with somebody before having sex with him, but I would take the process slowly and follow whatever guidance the people running the Day Program can offer.

Unfortunately, community standards don't AFAIK support counselling people in this situation on how to proceed if they've decided to have sex with each other. I believe the usual approach is to simply prevent if from happening. I'm not judging at all, I'm just saying I think this is what most people think is right.

Please please enjoy yourself, but stay out of trouble you don't need!


They really don't care what we do outside of the program

If Jonathan or Jesse or whatever decides to have sex with me the Day Program people can't stop it!


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