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StrugglingFrustration
Butterfly
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23 Feb 2024, 7:46 am

I've been doing some deep thinking about being 29 and never having a kiss or girlfriend. I know my face is very below average and even though weight loss can fix some of it, I feel I might need cosmetic surgery to take care of the rest. Here my link: https://imgur.com/a/LGZLAAD



DazyDaisy
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23 Feb 2024, 8:28 am

Are you kidding, you are a cute guy, I think you worry too much. Absolutely no need for cosmetic surgery..I mean, of course it will be your decision weather to do it or not, but I'm afraid that you are going to be more disappointed when you realize you feel the same or even worse after the surgery, than you might think you need another one to "correct" your facial features even more, etc.

Than, if you insist try first facial yoga and also you might want to look and feel generally healthy, go for some fitness and sports if you feel like, it is good both for your body and for your spirit. But the most important is that you feel confident about yourself and who you are. Also, why not going to a therapist and ask for some advice, learn some techiques that will help you relax, be more at ease in various social situations. Think about your sensory issues, they may interfere with things like intimacy, you need to find a really patient girlfriend, the one that would go slowly with you.

So, there are many ways that you can gain more confidence and feel a little less shy next time you want to approach the girl you like.


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ezbzbfcg2
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23 Feb 2024, 8:30 am

Are you too ugly to date?

Possibly.

The only people who can actually make that call are the ones you're actually interested in dating in the first place. If those people find you ugly and don't want to date you, then, yes, you're too ugly to date (them).



ezbzbfcg2
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23 Feb 2024, 8:35 am

DazyDaisy wrote:
Are you kidding, you are a cute guy, I think you worry too much. Absolutely no need for cosmetic surgery..


If he came up to you in real life and made a pass at you, would you accept? Would you blush and feel all giddy? Or would you reject him and turn him away.

That's what he's asking you here.



DazyDaisy
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23 Feb 2024, 8:52 am

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
DazyDaisy wrote:
Are you kidding, you are a cute guy, I think you worry too much. Absolutely no need for cosmetic surgery..


If he came up to you in real life and made a pass at you, would you accept? Would you blush and feel all giddy? Or would you reject him and turn him away.

That's what he's asking you here.


:D :D I didn't get it that way, it might be my English but I thought he was asking if he's so ugly that he needs a surgery..

Finally, I am fifty four, I could be his mother, but if I was someone close to his age and if he would approach me, yes, I would accept. I would accept to get him know, check if we have anything in common, if we enjoy each other's company. But I would treat the same way the Greek beauty God, Apolo. Or Bred Pit. It is not all in looks.


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rse92
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23 Feb 2024, 8:56 am

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
Are you too ugly to date?

Possibly.

The only people who can actually make that call are the ones you're actually interested in dating in the first place. If those people find you ugly and don't want to date you, then, yes, you're too ugly to date (them).


No not at all. Don't take this ^^^ jagoff seriously.

Embark upon a serious journey of self-improvement - which not just include weight loss but also fitness, grooming, age appropriate clothes, work hard, improve you job, prospects and career, save money, get your own place and car, put away childish things -- and you will see results. 29 is not too old at all.



Fenn
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23 Feb 2024, 9:01 am

Noone is too ugly to date.
My next door neighbor is fat (let’s say plump) he has a nice plump wife and a kid.

Dating simply has rules that are hard to follow or figure out if you are on the spectrum. Things like sensory hypersensitivity can also be a challenge. Dating and making friends have some big overlap - if one is hard then the other is hard too. Social anxiety is common for people on the spectrum. That can make dating and making friends harder too.
But you can learn.
Two books I have read are “Dating for Dummies” and “Flirting for Dummies”. Get these two books and read them. If you learn even one thing from them you are ahead of the game. Once you know books like this exist you can use google and amazon and the local library to find more. Books cost less than surgery.
When I was in highschool (school for students about age 14 to 19 for those not in the U.S.) I took a risk and asked my mother (who bought all my clothes) how I could start to dress like a guy women wanted to date. She knew she wasn’t up to date on the latest men’s/boy’s styles so she found youngish men working in sales at the clothing stores for advice. The results weren’t perfect but were an improvement. Clothes cost less than surgery. There are magazines and clothes advice to be found on the internet. There are specific rules to men’s clothing such as the size of lapels that change from year to year. One trick: if the catalog is advertising pants, the shirt that the model is wearing is in current fashion. Belt stiles are also changing. Similar tricks with catalogs and what belts are paired with other clothes that are for sale will be in fashion. The belts for sale might be last year’s stock and out of fashion. Study and learn. Using deodorant soap and underarm deodorant really does matter. Taking care of your self is attractive to a prospective date. It all adds up. If you study and learn and try and keep trying you can learn and make progress.
All these things may seem like nonsense but they add up to giving signal that you want to find the right person and be the right person - it can be hard but anyone can improve with effort. Even someone like me.


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TwilightPrincess
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23 Feb 2024, 9:07 am

No. I would date someone who looked like you if he was the right age, if we were compatible in other ways, and if we liked each other.


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blitzkrieg
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23 Feb 2024, 9:12 am

You look completely normal.

Take note of other people and their comments here.



Nades
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23 Feb 2024, 9:21 am

I'm often mortified by the people who are in stable relationships. What seems to be more important are chance encounters with people who like you.



ezbzbfcg2
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23 Feb 2024, 9:25 am

rse92 wrote:
ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
Are you too ugly to date?

Possibly.

The only people who can actually make that call are the ones you're actually interested in dating in the first place. If those people find you ugly and don't want to date you, then, yes, you're too ugly to date (them).


No not at all. Don't take this ^^^ jagoff seriously.

Embark upon a serious journey of self-improvement - which not just include weight loss but also fitness, grooming, age appropriate clothes, work hard, improve you job, prospects and career, save money, get your own place and car, put away childish things -- and you will see results. 29 is not too old at all.


If someone you found unattractive wanted to date you, you'd probably reject her (or him). If there's no physical attraction, it isn't going to work.

If the people he's going after don't find him attractive, then he is "too ugly" to date THEM. Is this such an outrageous concept, man?

There's a difference between wanting to believe something, and actually acknowledging the reality of something. 'Jagoffs' like me are often demonized for our honesty.



Aspinator
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23 Feb 2024, 9:32 am

First I would say "is someone else in control of your appearance?"



ezbzbfcg2
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23 Feb 2024, 9:39 am

Aspinator wrote:
First I would say "is someone else in control of your appearance?"

No one is really in control of anyone's appearance, even their own. You can control the clothes you wear, the haircut you have, whether or not you have tattoos and piercings. Maybe even your weight and muscles.

But you can't control your face, height, etc. Genetics determine that. And you can't make another person attracted to you if they're not. This is just reality.



TwilightPrincess
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23 Feb 2024, 9:54 am

Sometimes people who aren’t initially attracted to someone can become so once they get to know them. That’s how it is for me. It can work the opposite way too.


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nick007
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23 Feb 2024, 9:56 am

rse92 wrote:
Embark upon a serious journey of self-improvement - which not just include weight loss but also fitness, grooming, age appropriate clothes, work hard, improve you job, prospects and career, save money, get your own place and car, put away childish things -- and you will see results. 29 is not too old at all.
Good advice. There's lots more to attraction than physical attraction based solely on how someone's body looks naked. I think guys tend to care about physical attraction in a partner more than women do. Us autistics are known for having problems with theory of mind & if an autistic cares a lot about being physically attracted to their partner, they may assume that most other people are the same way when lots may care about physical attraction a lot less. IDK how much the OP cares about physical attraction but some guys here majorly do. It's very common for autistic guys to majorly struggle with dating & sometimes autistics assume it's due to their looks when they may be a hunk & their dating problems are really do to other autism issues or their life circumstances. Also when gauging others looks things like facial expressions, clothing, & nonverbal body language get factored in with physical attraction & those are things us autistics tend to have problems with. IDK if these are the reasons the OP is struggling but I'm listing them so he would have other things to consider.


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Last edited by nick007 on 23 Feb 2024, 10:07 am, edited 3 times in total.

DazyDaisy
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23 Feb 2024, 10:02 am

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
Aspinator wrote:
First I would say "is someone else in control of your appearance?"

No one is really in control of anyone's appearance, even their own. You can control the clothes you wear, the haircut you have, whether or not you have tattoos and piercings. Maybe even your weight and muscles.

But you can't control your face, height, etc. Genetics determine that. And you can't make another person attracted to you if they're not. This is just reality.


Actually, you can control your face, at least a little bit and without surgery. There is something called "Tongue Posture" and it is especially good for the jawline. There is also facial yoga which I mentioned before. It is also unbelievable how much certain nutrition can change, for the worse or better, facial features.

But I get your point and I understood what you wanted to say. No matter how cruel it may sound and no matter how good we look or not, some people would find us "ugly" or non-attractive, simply because they are not attracted to us. Very often people are attracted to authentic self-confidence. It doesn't mean you think you are perfect. It means you know who you are and that you accept yourself with all your qualities and your flaws. And that is very attractive. And taking care of oneself, the best you can.


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