What do NTs find polite that you think is not?

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justanotherpersonsomewhere23124
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29 Feb 2024, 6:05 pm

How do they react when they find out what you think about it?



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29 Feb 2024, 6:30 pm

Giving a huge amount of eye-contact. Looking me in the eye the who entire time they're talking to me. I feel tortured when people give me that intensity of eye-contact.


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bee33
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29 Feb 2024, 11:48 pm

I think it's terribly rude to lie, which is something that NTs, and maybe autistics too, do all the time for the sake of politeness. Not that I would want someone to go out of their way to say something unpleasant to me, but I would rather someone be blunt than leave me guessing or leave me in the dark about what they think, how they feel, or what they want.

There's a theory that people deserve the truth because that is how they create their understanding of the world, therefore you should offer the truth. I agree with that, at least most of the time.

I don't know that I've specifically confronted someone about this, so I don't know what their reaction would be if I told them that this is how I feel.



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02 Mar 2024, 2:25 pm

I hate it when NTs lie to me. I can't stand being lied at.


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02 Mar 2024, 2:41 pm

bee33 wrote:
I think it's terribly rude to lie, which is something that NTs, and maybe autistics too, do all the time for the sake of politeness. Not that I would want someone to go out of their way to say something unpleasant to me, but I would rather someone be blunt than leave me guessing or leave me in the dark about what they think, how they feel, or what they want.

There's a theory that people deserve the truth because that is how they create their understanding of the world, therefore you should offer the truth. I agree with that, at least most of the time.

I don't know that I've specifically confronted someone about this, so I don't know what their reaction would be if I told them that this is how I feel.


Ya, lies, especially white ones. Like, I get it that sometimes lying might be necessary, like maybe making up a story about the sick, old pet retiring to a farm instead of telling a child the truth about it getting killed, but in the case of most white lies, there are no excuses.

Not saying I don't ever lie; I do, but in my defense, it's about survival. It'd be way harder to get by in this NT society without playing by their rules at least somewhat... then again, some NTs might think this about their own lies, too, so maybe I'm just a hypocrite?



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02 Mar 2024, 8:28 pm

Keep saying hello, say hello in different ways, take different opportunities to say hello.
If they just say hello or hi, then I'll repeat it. It's very simple.
But questions like "Have you eaten?" And "How was the exam?" That seemed to require some accurate answers made me angry. They didn't want to know the answers at all, and I had to stop what I was doing and answer the questions carefully.I don't know how NT can give a quick answer, does this ability share the same brain area as lying?


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03 Mar 2024, 1:11 pm

belijojo wrote:
But questions like "Have you eaten?" And "How was the exam?" That seemed to require some accurate answers made me angry. They didn't want to know the answers at all, and I had to stop what I was doing and answer the questions carefully.I don't know how NT can give a quick answer, does this ability share the same brain area as lying?


I think that NTs simply learn a few basic one to two or three word answers to questions like that that they can use without much thinking and without actually caring if they end up giving an accurate answer (like, they could say the exam was hard even though it was easy 'cause they don't want to appear too prideful, or say it was easy 'cause they don't wanna appear too stupid), while someone on the spectrum might need to go through the thinking process of "how was it indeed? in how much detail do I want to go to? how much detail does this person want to hear? does this person really want to hear in the first place?" NTs might be able to see the full picture quickly, while autistic brain breaks the questions in to pieces, trying to give as accurate information as possible. "Have you eaten?" is the same: instead of just yes or no, it's: "Under what time frame? does a small snack count or are they talking about a full meal? is it an indirect way to ask me to eat with them?" In short, autistic people are more likely to overthink simple questions than NTs.

...Or something? Not a pro or an expert talking here, just an autistic person with some life experience.



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04 Mar 2024, 10:26 am

Eye contact

Engaging in conversations about topics I am not interested in.


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Suicidal_Vampire
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04 Mar 2024, 2:37 pm

Any sort of physical contact, handshake, hug, etc... I get it's a formality, but like, I'm supposed to consent to this to and I feel like we're doing this for no reason.



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04 Mar 2024, 5:22 pm

When somebody asks you how you are, but they don't actually want to know how you "really" are and are just using it as a greeting.



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04 Mar 2024, 7:09 pm

Fraser_S wrote:
When somebody asks you how you are, but they don't actually want to know how you "really" are and are just using it as a greeting.

Yep, it's to get the good vibes going. :D
Little do they know we find it rude and it ruins our vibe when they ask a question and don't really want to hear the answer, because we actually spend brain energy thinking carefully through our answer, so to us it's precious brainpower thrown out in the air.

Anyways. I will never get used to cheek kissing as a hello and goodbye. It's still weird, even after doing it thousands of times, but if you don't do it, NTs from countries where this is common practice will think you're super rude and don't like them.



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05 Mar 2024, 2:50 pm

Niacin wrote:
Fraser_S wrote:
When somebody asks you how you are, but they don't actually want to know how you "really" are and are just using it as a greeting.

Yep, it's to get the good vibes going. :D
Little do they know we find it rude and it ruins our vibe when they ask a question and don't really want to hear the answer, because we actually spend brain energy thinking carefully through our answer, so to us it's precious brainpower thrown out in the air.

My problem is that I emotionally process it as a question and find it actually painful to say "Fine!" when that's not the case.


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05 Mar 2024, 4:10 pm

BillyTree wrote:
Niacin wrote:
Fraser_S wrote:
When somebody asks you how you are, but they don't actually want to know how you "really" are and are just using it as a greeting.

Yep, it's to get the good vibes going. :D
Little do they know we find it rude and it ruins our vibe when they ask a question and don't really want to hear the answer, because we actually spend brain energy thinking carefully through our answer, so to us it's precious brainpower thrown out in the air.

My problem is that I emotionally process it as a question and find it actually painful to say "Fine!" when that's not the case.

At this point in my life, it is instinctive, even though I know better.


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05 Mar 2024, 4:41 pm

Yeah the eye contact is probably the biggest issue, NTs love to stare when conversing.



ShyHylian64
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05 Mar 2024, 6:47 pm

Eye contact is "respectful".

Also a lot of NTs will try *hinting* at others to do things or to signal their emotions politely. For example, if they want someone to leave a room, they might say "I'm about to get ready to leave", when they really mean "I'd like it if you left the room, I need to get ready to run an errand."

I'm very thankful my dad says "Get out" when he needs alone time. He's nice when he says it, though.



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06 Mar 2024, 1:35 am

ShyHylian64 wrote:
Eye contact is "respectful".


Actually in east Asian cultures it's rude to gaze at somebody too long. But yeah I get it. over here its showing you are paying attention so being polite.