Should we inform our romantic interests of our condition?

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MaxE
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22 Mar 2024, 5:55 am

cyberdad wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
Just like if a 45 year old woman had a threesome in college, that's not something her current boyfriend needs to know. Nor does anyone need to know who your first kiss or first sex partner was.


Wow! I never cease to be amazed/surprised on this forum

My first girlfriend, who I believe was on the autism spectrum, after we were no longer a couple, went through a period of going to bars and going home with guys she met there for sex. A couple years later, she got married, to somebody I think may have been hearing impaired (she herself wore a hearing aid). I've wondered whether she told her husband everything about her past.


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22 Mar 2024, 8:13 am

cyberdad wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
As others said on this thread, society views the spectrum as being synonymous with mental retardation (even though there's a huge difference between being on the spectrum vs being mentally challenged).


Wait! where did this come from?? Why bring in people who are intellectually impaired? low hanging fruit to pick on? I can tell you most NT people's perceptions of autism is savants who are in the MENSA range of IQ (not low IQ).

I understand there are nasty NTs who throw slurs like the "r" word but there's actually a lot of apsies on this forum who are in happy successful relationships and friendships whose partners and friends do not consider them "r,,,,,".
I've heard that word applied to me more than a few times during Elementary school & I didn't know anything about autisn then. When I was tested for autism at 20 I was told that I seemed too intelligent to have anything on the autism spectrum. When trying to qualify for services related to autism 5 years later they got hung up on the fact that I had a high-school diploma even thou I struggled majorly in school & only graduated because my grades were curved in a fifth of my subjects. However when mentioning autism on dating sites I only got messages from women who were hoping I'd be a poor man's Bill Gates & have a good career in the tech industry. I never heard from them again once I told them I wasn't. Sometimes I cant win for losing.


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SkinnyElephant
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22 Mar 2024, 9:00 am

cyberdad wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
As others said on this thread, society views the spectrum as being synonymous with mental retardation (even though there's a huge difference between being on the spectrum vs being mentally challenged).


Wait! where did this come from?? Why bring in people who are intellectually impaired? low hanging fruit to pick on? I can tell you most NT people's perceptions of autism is savants who are in the MENSA range of IQ (not low IQ).

I understand there are nasty NTs who throw slurs like the "r" word but there's actually a lot of apsies on this forum who are in happy successful relationships and friendships whose partners and friends do not consider them "r,,,,,".


Just like a lot of things in society, there's a double standard when it comes to the spectrum. Normies simultaneously view us as geniuses and mentally challenged (as the old saying goes "make your enemy sound simultaneously weak and dangerous").

I recall a poster on here saying "Even if a normie thinks we're a genius in one area, they still (in many cases) think we're mentally challenged at everything else." That's perhaps the best way to sum up how neurotypicals feel about us.

Are there some normies who don't stigmatize us? Absolutely. But since the one time I shared my condition with someone (in real life) outside my family, he ended up treating me like I'm mentally challenged, I'd be reluctant to inform anyone else in real life about my condition.



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22 Mar 2024, 9:03 am

nick007 wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
As others said on this thread, society views the spectrum as being synonymous with mental retardation (even though there's a huge difference between being on the spectrum vs being mentally challenged).


Wait! where did this come from?? Why bring in people who are intellectually impaired? low hanging fruit to pick on? I can tell you most NT people's perceptions of autism is savants who are in the MENSA range of IQ (not low IQ).

I understand there are nasty NTs who throw slurs like the "r" word but there's actually a lot of apsies on this forum who are in happy successful relationships and friendships whose partners and friends do not consider them "r,,,,,".
I've heard that word applied to me more than a few times during Elementary school & I didn't know anything about autisn then. When I was tested for autism at 20 I was told that I seemed too intelligent to have anything on the autism spectrum. When trying to qualify for services related to autism 5 years later they got hung up on the fact that I had a high-school diploma even thou I struggled majorly in school & only graduated because my grades were curved in a fifth of my subjects. However when mentioning autism on dating sites I only got messages from women who were hoping I'd be a poor man's Bill Gates & have a good career in the tech industry. I never heard from them again once I told them I wasn't. Sometimes I cant win for losing.


I mentioned how a past boss treated me like a mentally challenged 8 year old just because I'm on the spectrum. Even though he knew I had a college degree.

No matter how intelligent/educated we are, we're still prone to getting viewed as mentally challenged.



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24 Mar 2024, 11:13 am

funeralxempire wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
I think disclosure at some point during the dating period would be appropriate.

Perhaps not straight away, however, due to discrimination issues.


Hi, I'm autism... I mean Austin, nice to meet you.


I can remember mentioning something about autism to my bf in the early days (not about me) but he misunderstood what I said and thought I said artistic so I just left it. I didn't bother mentioning it again and as time had gone on I don't think it's important.


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blitzkrieg
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24 Mar 2024, 11:40 am

babybird wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
I think disclosure at some point during the dating period would be appropriate.

Perhaps not straight away, however, due to discrimination issues.


Hi, I'm autism... I mean Austin, nice to meet you.


I can remember mentioning something about autism to my bf in the early days (not about me) but he misunderstood what I said and thought I said artistic so I just left it. I didn't bother mentioning it again and as time had gone on I don't think it's important.


Artistic and autistic can sound similar I suppose given regional dialect variations.

It is good that you haven't seen it necessary to bring it up again.



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24 Mar 2024, 11:42 am

Yeah he's Scottish and I'm English so there is a bit of variation

I think I was just testing the water initially


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24 Mar 2024, 11:53 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
babybird wrote:
I can remember mentioning something about autism to my bf in the early days (not about me) but he misunderstood what I said and thought I said artistic so I just left it. I didn't bother mentioning it again and as time had gone on I don't think it's important.


Artistic and autistic can sound similar I suppose given regional dialect variations.

It is good that you haven't seen it necessary to bring it up again.
There was a South Park episode where too much of a Covid vaccine made Cartman's mom artistic & she started painting :lol:


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24 Mar 2024, 11:54 am

:lol:


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blitzkrieg
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24 Mar 2024, 11:55 am

nick007 wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
babybird wrote:
I can remember mentioning something about autism to my bf in the early days (not about me) but he misunderstood what I said and thought I said artistic so I just left it. I didn't bother mentioning it again and as time had gone on I don't think it's important.


Artistic and autistic can sound similar I suppose given regional dialect variations.

It is good that you haven't seen it necessary to bring it up again.
There was a South Park episode where too much of a Covid vaccine made Cartman's mom artistic & she started painting :lol:


Oh God, haha.



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28 Mar 2024, 1:05 am

SkinnyElephant wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
As others said on this thread, society views the spectrum as being synonymous with mental retardation (even though there's a huge difference between being on the spectrum vs being mentally challenged).


Wait! where did this come from?? Why bring in people who are intellectually impaired? low hanging fruit to pick on? I can tell you most NT people's perceptions of autism is savants who are in the MENSA range of IQ (not low IQ).

I understand there are nasty NTs who throw slurs like the "r" word but there's actually a lot of apsies on this forum who are in happy successful relationships and friendships whose partners and friends do not consider them "r,,,,,".


Just like a lot of things in society, there's a double standard when it comes to the spectrum. Normies simultaneously view us as geniuses and mentally challenged (as the old saying goes "make your enemy sound simultaneously weak and dangerous").

I recall a poster on here saying "Even if a normie thinks we're a genius in one area, they still (in many cases) think we're mentally challenged at everything else." That's perhaps the best way to sum up how neurotypicals feel about us.

Are there some normies who don't stigmatize us? Absolutely. But since the one time I shared my condition with someone (in real life) outside my family, he ended up treating me like I'm mentally challenged, I'd be reluctant to inform anyone else in real life about my condition.
The problem I have is that others tend to think I'm either one extreme or I'm the other instead of some of both but slightly different areas. Some think I'm very smart in general & others think I'm very dumb in general. It's like that with various categories for me. Different people can describe me in very contradictory ways & it can sound like two different people are being described depending on which people are describing me. It's like others think of me as some kinda stereotype but I do not conform to any stereotypes so different people can apply opposite stereotypes to me.


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