Should I feel bad for having few friends

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chris1989
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22 Mar 2024, 10:30 am

I also seem to feel bad or its my ''fault'' because I wasn't friends with people from school, college and so and had a large friend network to go out and socialise with in our own leisure time because I used to see all the photos of people from school and so on at bars, clubs, on holidays etc and I feel like I've ''wasted'' the last 10 or more years not doing that because some of those things were not what I wanted to do and now those people are getting married, having kids etc. I was always aspiring to interact with other people in the mainstream of school, college etc who were ''neurotypical'' but I did also try with those who were mildly autistic like me and able to socialise but I struggled to start a conversation, begin and maintain a close friendship and go out with them.



belijojo
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22 Mar 2024, 11:06 am

same, sad, sleep
Take care of yourself.


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bee33
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22 Mar 2024, 12:00 pm

Yes.

I don't think that, but that seems to be the answer you are looking for.



Lely
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23 Mar 2024, 5:45 am

chris1989 wrote:
I feel like I've ''wasted'' the last 10 or more years not doing that because some of those things were not what I wanted to do

If you didn't want to do those things, your time wasn't wasted not doing them.



cyberdad
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23 Mar 2024, 5:46 am

I have no friends and I'm fine with that...



autisticelders
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23 Mar 2024, 6:49 am

the best thing we can do is stop comparing what we are doing or have done with what others say or think we "should be" or "should do". Each of us has our own needs and wants, and we are perfectly OK to make any choice we want as long as we are not doing harm. I have only a few friends and do not regret that. I have found a way to connect with others over the years in other ways besides what society and the media and others say we "should" be doing. Do your own life your own way. Nobody's opinions matter, nobody gets to run your own life. That "should" or "ought to" phrase is always your mind saying what others think or want, as a sort of social pressure from what other people have an agenda for. It is OK not to play the game the way they want others to do it. (the game of life) No regrets, do what is right for you in spite of what "they" say.


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Comet Zed
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26 Mar 2024, 5:35 am

No. You could feel good for knowing what you want...


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JamesW
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15 Apr 2024, 5:12 am

What autisticelders said.

I myself have no particular desire to go out and make friends. I am close to a few people. Virtually everywhere I've worked over the years, I have made at least one friend with whom I'm still in touch today. But I have no wish to have 'mates' or be part of a crowd or a group.

Sometimes I've read the forum and thought I must be 'weird' because so may autistic people do feel lonely and have that yearning to be socially successful. But I'm one autistic person. We're all different. I'm also aware that it's a lot easier for me. I'm 59, and there is no longer any social pressure on me to 'conform'. It's a lot tougher for younger people.

My neurotypical friends are people I've just happened upon in my life, who like me because of who I am, and not because of any effort I might have been trying to make to appear to be socially skilled. Some of them were surprised to hear that I am autistic. Others wonder how it took me so long to work it out!



Paul The Younger
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25 Apr 2024, 12:43 pm

Hello people, I see a variety of replies and glad to see Im not alone . You should never feel bad intentionally about having few friends. Ive managed to scrape through life with never having more then one friend and the duration of that relationship has tended to be very long terms - as in 10 years plus. It only becomes a problem if you find yourself at a junction in life, such as knowing that a long term friend has gradually faded away and you cant find or see another. But this should not be a barrier ...............until you get older. Me im 65 but trapped in the mind and life of decades ago, I never developed and so I simply cant form any relationship with people my own age or anywhere near - I feel and see them as you might if they were your aunt or uncle. It only if you get to this sort of age and find yourself alone that it might be a problem