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roronoa79
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27 Mar 2024, 1:24 am

Does anyone think we are more or less likely than NT's to lie to others? Obviously it's hard to generalize. On the one hand we can be very blunt and direct, on the other we might lie to avoid events or social obligations because they feel pointless and stressful.
In my experience, I was and am kind of dishonest, at least in my interpersonal relationships. Dealing with NT's and other individuals makes me not trust people. Finding people you trust is hard--finding people you trust to not judge you for being on the spectrum. So when you don't trust anyone, you get good at stretching the truth. Equivocating, double meanings, white lies, etc. Growing up, social encounters always felt like chores more than things to enjoy. Lying makes it easier to get through the conversation without lengthening it or creating conflict. Lying can be used to get out of socializing entirely. Lying also keeps people from worrying about you when you really do not relate to anyone around you. I realize these reasons for lying are not exclusive to us.


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vergil96
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27 Mar 2024, 5:12 am

I'm the blunt type. I feel like it's often expected to tell lies and I don't, which disappoints people. From my perspective, it's really odd that many people tell about facts that never happened and firmly believe they did happen, and I can check for a fact they did not. It's not that they tell their subjective opinions and are wrong, e.g. find something great, but it's really not - they tell an alternative version of what happened. Of course, there seems to be an emotional purpose, but why do they lie instead of just telling how they feel? It's really strange that it's considered normal to be convinced that something took place and it really didn't.



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27 Mar 2024, 8:00 am

Less likely, I would say. But I agree, I think I find myself lying when it comes to avoiding social situations and when I'm going through bouts of anxiety. The one person who calls me out on it is my best friend, who has an autistic son. I don't think he does it to be an a-hole or anything, but he worries about me and I appreciate that. It's not to justify it, necessarily, but when I lie, the purpose is for people not put any attention on me.

On the other hand, I have known some people that lie.......just to lie. Sometimes not even to benefit themselves (which would at least make sense to me). I eventually found that so disorienting, I don't have those people in my life anymore.


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babybird
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27 Mar 2024, 11:54 am

I'm blunt. I have no interest and nothing to gain in trying to deceive people


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blitzkrieg
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27 Mar 2024, 12:46 pm

I try to avoid lying to people. Unless it is to avoid hurting someone's feelings, for example, if a physically ugly person asked me how they looked I would say in response: "you look fine", instead of the truth.



bee33
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27 Mar 2024, 1:28 pm

I think there's a difference between, on the one hand, lying to deceive, especially when it entails gaining some advantage for oneself, and, on the other hand, omitting all the facts in order to keep things simpler, which is more altruistic than selfish. No one is required to launch into an explanation of their physical and mental difficulties in every situation. Saying something simpler like "I'm tired today," is not an actual lie (it's an omission of all the facts) and it's not intended to deceive or gain an advantage. If people didn't do that, they would constantly be describing their ailments and difficulties to everyone, which is not considerate and is basically just a litany of complaints. I don't think that anyone would suggest that you have to info-dump about everything in your life in order to not be lying.

But as far as lying in some conniving way to gain an advantage, that is not something I could ever do or would even know how to do if I wanted to. And I do think that is related to ASD.



techstepgenr8tion
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27 Mar 2024, 1:45 pm

The relatively consistent thing I've noticed about us vs. NT's, we tend to be less game-theorhetiic. In a lot of ways that seems to describe most of our confusion when socializing with NT's, prior to masking or cultural conditioning we tend to be declarative and primarily focused on our relationships to the environment in broader or less social ways where with NT's it tends to be much more socially centered.

With that I don't think we're as likely to lie for the sake of zero-sum competition, backstabbing, etc.. This would especially true if we had it ground into us that our lives don't go well for being moral failures by being different in any way shape or form, ie. where you spin up the notion that if things aren't going well try being more moral. What you mentioned though - we might 'white lie' our way out of things if we don't want to attend.

The other thing about honesty - at least as kids, as we're taught by adults (at least in formally functional settings) that it's an unalloyed good in much the same way that we're told that chewing gum sticks to your ribs for seven years if you eat it. Consequently if we get punished for honesty we don't understand it because it's in line with what we're told we're supposed to be. When I watched NT's as a kid it seemed like they didn't believe most of what adults said but they watched what they did, that's not wrong but with the kind of childhood agreeableness that I at least had it just wasn't something I did or attempted to do.


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DanielW
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27 Mar 2024, 2:22 pm

I'm fairly blunt - I try (not always successfully) to be tactful, but I avoid telling lies to do so.



j_k
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27 Mar 2024, 2:30 pm

DanielW wrote:
I'm fairly blunt - I try (not always successfully) to be tactful, but I avoid telling lies to do so.


I think this is a very good point. Being honest is important. But it's in everyone's interest to be kind when being honest. And when that's not possible, we really need to prepare ourselves for the aftermath/fallout.


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27 Mar 2024, 2:39 pm

I’m usually honest, but I will lie to spare someone’s feelings, to protect my privacy, and to uphold me and my family’s safety or wellbeing.

If an acquaintance or relative I’m not close to asks me how I am, I often say that I’m “good” or “fine” when I’m not. I really value my privacy and don’t usually want people to know I’m struggling when I am.


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utterly absurd
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27 Mar 2024, 2:51 pm

I occasionally lie but usually only when a situation is getting so exhausting that I need to get out of it. I also lie to prevent my parents from worrying about me too much because all they do is worry about me.
At the same time, I can also be too honest and tell people things I didn't want them to know or that just weren't appropriate in the situation because my default mode is complete honesty.


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Summer_Twilight
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27 Mar 2024, 3:02 pm

I have lied to people who are incredibly controlling to avoid them becoming hateful with me. The main reason for that is because people tend to get nasty with me. I think it has something to do with the fact that I appear to be normal. Then when I don't meet their expectations, they turn nasty. This has impacted my mental health by crying.



vergil96
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27 Mar 2024, 4:06 pm

Oh, yes, I tell white lies or when someone asks too nosy questions that they shouldn't be asking, like my medical issues or things about my family members. Or I lie / simplify when I really don't want to get into a conterproductive conversation that would be just frustrating and nothing else.

But to gain something, portray myself in a better light - no.



CockneyRebel
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27 Mar 2024, 8:17 pm

I'm a very honest person to a fault. I just can't tell a lie. I feel horrible after telling a lie.


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27 Mar 2024, 8:21 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I'm a very honest person to a fault. I just can't tell a lie. I feel horrible after telling a lie.

Same here; I cannot tell a lie.



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27 Mar 2024, 8:27 pm

i think im too blunt on here :lol:


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