It feels like there is no one available my age to date

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chris1989
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08 Apr 2024, 9:18 am

I know this sounds ridiculous and that this is untrue but it feels that way. I mean I seem to think a lot of people who are over 30 are now married or in a long term relationship and possibly have kids. I mean have have a sister who is 30, is seeing someone on and off and has a 4 year old son. I have several colleagues in their 30s who are married with kids and a new manager who is 31 and has only started seeing someone. It just leaves me with the impression that everyone is in the same boat of marriage, long term relationships and kids even though I know very well that I'm probably not the only one but it is really hard not to think that as I don't know who is my age, who has kids, who doesn't, who is married, who isn't married etc. I keep trying to tell myself I have to accept the fact I don't know and I cannot know about about what goes on in other people's lives.



Mikurotoro92
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08 Apr 2024, 10:24 am

I felt this way before too but I FINALLY found someone and we are slowly working towards marriage and kids!! !

Don't give up, it just takes longer for people with disabilities to find love


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nick007
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08 Apr 2024, 3:47 pm

I met my current girlfriend when we were both 29 & she was close to 30. I had kinda felt like there weren't a lot of women around my age who were single without kids & interested in relationships with men. I tried to find ways to expand my odds like being open to younger women, women with various disabilities & issues, & trying to meet women online & being willing to relocate.


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Jamesy
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08 Apr 2024, 4:18 pm

No one my own age wants to be my friend



blitzkrieg
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08 Apr 2024, 4:25 pm

Jamesy wrote:
No one my own age wants to be my friend


That's not true Jamesy.



DuckHairback
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08 Apr 2024, 5:41 pm

You're not wrong that many people are in relationships and marriages by 30 but...

Some people aren't. Relationships end. Marriages break down. I don't mean that's what you should be going for but the reality is that people don't always stay in the couples they form in their 20s - people are still figuring out what they want. There is a constant churn of newly single people. The pool is smaller sure, but that's true for the men looking as well as the women.

I recently joined a 40s and over social group in Facebook. They have to keep posting to remind people that it's NOT a dating group because there's so many singles and devorcees trying to find partners.


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nick007
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08 Apr 2024, 6:17 pm

DuckHairback wrote:
You're not wrong that many people are in relationships and marriages by 30 but...

Some people aren't. Relationships end. Marriages break down. I don't mean that's what you should be going for but the reality is that people don't always stay in the couples they form in their 20s - people are still figuring out what they want. There is a constant churn of newly single people. The pool is smaller sure, but that's true for the men looking as well as the women.

I recently joined a 40s and over social group in Facebook. They have to keep posting to remind people that it's NOT a dating group beca :wink: use there's so many singles and devorcees trying to find partners.
Your very right about that. My main concern would be that single people over 30 are much more likely to already have kids or they're in a rush to have them. I think some would also be concerned about the person having baggage from previous relationships or problems that caused them to remain single; I'm attracted to that type of stuff but I'm well aware that lots are not. I'm not sure how likely that is but I know there is a negative stereotype about older single people.


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DuckHairback
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08 Apr 2024, 6:32 pm

^Its possible.

I'd say also that older people who have already had a relationship or two may be less problematic because they'll know better what they really want and may place more value on less superficial attributes.


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DanielW
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08 Apr 2024, 6:39 pm

chris1989 wrote:
I know this sounds ridiculous and that this is untrue but it feels that way. I mean I seem to think a lot of people who are over 30 are now married or in a long term relationship and possibly have kids. I mean have have a sister who is 30, is seeing someone on and off and has a 4 year old son. I have several colleagues in their 30s who are married with kids and a new manager who is 31 and has only started seeing someone. It just leaves me with the impression that everyone is in the same boat of marriage, long term relationships and kids even though I know very well that I'm probably not the only one but it is really hard not to think that as I don't know who is my age, who has kids, who doesn't, who is married, who isn't married etc. I keep trying to tell myself I have to accept the fact I don't know and I cannot know about about what goes on in other people's lives.


How much dating have you actually done so far? My guess is no where near as much as those married folks you are comparing yourself to. People who have fears of missing out, usually aren't doing anything to make the things they want actually happen.



Mikurotoro92
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08 Apr 2024, 9:18 pm

Yep you gotta get out there and be pro-active in order to get to that goal of marriage!! !! !!


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chris1989
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09 Apr 2024, 8:21 am

DanielW wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
I know this sounds ridiculous and that this is untrue but it feels that way. I mean I seem to think a lot of people who are over 30 are now married or in a long term relationship and possibly have kids. I mean have have a sister who is 30, is seeing someone on and off and has a 4 year old son. I have several colleagues in their 30s who are married with kids and a new manager who is 31 and has only started seeing someone. It just leaves me with the impression that everyone is in the same boat of marriage, long term relationships and kids even though I know very well that I'm probably not the only one but it is really hard not to think that as I don't know who is my age, who has kids, who doesn't, who is married, who isn't married etc. I keep trying to tell myself I have to accept the fact I don't know and I cannot know about about what goes on in other people's lives.


How much dating have you actually done so far? My guess is no where near as much as those married folks you are comparing yourself to. People who have fears of missing out, usually aren't doing anything to make the things they want actually happen.


There was someone from school days I liked and once sent a valentine rose to but she didn't feel at the time she wanted a boyfriend so we stayed as friends until there was a falling out. I felt like being in a relationship with her but she didn't with me. Back in 2014, I think it was I met someone who volunteered in a charity shop I quite liked but unlike the other person I mentioned, she was quite keen on a relationship with me on the first day we went out but I didn't at that time so we stayed as friends and on occasions went out but we lived quite a distance from each other, I wasn't driving at the time even though I was having lessons and now she seems to have disappeared, I've tried messaging her online and over the phone and there's been no responses since.



blitzkrieg
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09 Apr 2024, 9:04 am

As other people have mentioned in the thread - there will be a lot of newly single folk, fresh out of broken marriages or who have come out of long-term relationships. That is likely mostly who you will find, and there will be a gulf between you and them because they will likely be more experienced with live-in relationships than you are, with what you have mentioned in other threads...



Esme
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14 Apr 2024, 6:19 am

I think 30s are difficult for everyone, as most people hook up earlier on and are busy playing house for a while. Some stay together, many divorce in their 40s+. So the dating market opens up a bit later on. At least it seems that way among the people I meet - lots of them 'panic married' for the wrong reasons (I guess you should be glad that you avoided things like having to negotiate child custody).

I pretty much gave up on dating a few years ago as I faced the same problem. Since turning 30 I've had a handful of dates that went nowhere, a lot of married guys trying and failing to have an affair with me, a couple of older exes going through divorce and now wanting to use me as a back up plan, and a lot of timewasters that think I want to be part of some weird harem arrangement! Very few genuine people on the same wavelength that want someone to build a life with.

So now I just keep to myself and have outsourced various aspects of marriage to other things. It sucked at first, as I'd always wanted the 'white picket fence' type of life and didn't really have a plan B. I'm not motivated by fame, money, power, having the biggest/best 'stuff', etc. So there isn't anything that can replace that for me. Those things are fun, but not all that important in comparison. But I've been on my own for about a decade now and it's just become my normal. I have a vague belief in reincarnation, so I think this lifetime was just to work and create things and resolve/remove inherited issues from my family. I've found an interesting long term project to work on that keeps me busy and I've been very involved in raising my niece, which has ticked the 'maternal drive' box in me. So I can't really complain. And I know from past experience that being on my own is 1000 times better than being with the wrong person. If I do a good job this time around, then hopefully in the next life I'll get to experience love, romance, marriage, sex, home, all that jazz.

Maybe it'll be easier to find someone in 5-10+ years when everyone is older. Although by that point I'm not sure there will be much value in dating for me. But it might work out really well for you, once there are more women divorcees on the market. Or perhaps AI/robotics will have advanced enough that we can just create a partner! I already find myself chatting to OpenAI as if it's a real human when I'm not paying attention! :mrgreen:



sr71
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19 Apr 2024, 4:56 pm

Esme wrote:
I think 30s are difficult for everyone, as most people hook up earlier on and are busy playing house for a while. Some stay together, many divorce in their 40s+. So the dating market opens up a bit later on. At least it seems that way among the people I meet - lots of them 'panic married' for the wrong reasons (I guess you should be glad that you avoided things like having to negotiate child custody).

I pretty much gave up on dating a few years ago as I faced the same problem. Since turning 30 I've had a handful of dates that went nowhere, a lot of married guys trying and failing to have an affair with me, a couple of older exes going through divorce and now wanting to use me as a back up plan, and a lot of timewasters that think I want to be part of some weird harem arrangement! Very few genuine people on the same wavelength that want someone to build a life with.

So now I just keep to myself and have outsourced various aspects of marriage to other things. It sucked at first, as I'd always wanted the 'white picket fence' type of life and didn't really have a plan B. I'm not motivated by fame, money, power, having the biggest/best 'stuff', etc. So there isn't anything that can replace that for me. Those things are fun, but not all that important in comparison. But I've been on my own for about a decade now and it's just become my normal. I have a vague belief in reincarnation, so I think this lifetime was just to work and create things and resolve/remove inherited issues from my family. I've found an interesting long term project to work on that keeps me busy and I've been very involved in raising my niece, which has ticked the 'maternal drive' box in me. So I can't really complain. And I know from past experience that being on my own is 1000 times better than being with the wrong person. If I do a good job this time around, then hopefully in the next life I'll get to experience love, romance, marriage, sex, home, all that jazz.

Maybe it'll be easier to find someone in 5-10+ years when everyone is older. Although by that point I'm not sure there will be much value in dating for me. But it might work out really well for you, once there are more women divorcees on the market. Or perhaps AI/robotics will have advanced enough that we can just create a partner! I already find myself chatting to OpenAI as if it's a real human when I'm not paying attention! :mrgreen:


This strikes such a cord but I come from the other end I married because I thought it was the right thing to do long before It was suggested that I am autistic. My wife could never understand the things I struggle with and neither could I for that matter. The moral of the story I guess is to know yourself before trying to know somebody else. I have sent you PM I hope that is ok



ProfessorJohn
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20 Apr 2024, 9:31 am

I didn't get married until I was 32, almost 33. My wife was 36 when we got married and she had never been married before either. Didn't have my first long term relationship until I was 29, so some of us just get started later than others. But I know the feeling, it sucks. You feel like you are the only person not in a relationship.