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Cream_of_Wheat
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24 Apr 2024, 9:13 pm

I see a lot of the post on here are asking for advice, and I figured it would be good for us to share some social tips to operate effectively with NTs. I'm hoping we can all learn to be a bit more successful, and maybe will see some of our bad habits we don't realize that were committing. :)

Something that works = Practice facial expressions and humor. Learning to communicate with well timed subtle expressions and speaking a lot less has helped a-lot, and people value what I have to say more when I talk less lol.

Something that doesn't work = I fell into a habit of asking people about themselves to keep them talking. I would engage in a lot of validation and things basically turned into an interview. I realized I was taking it too far when two guys I was talking with asked my "what's with all these questions? Is this a f*****g interview" and immediately realized I f****d up with my approach. I fall into the habit of "this worked! I'm going to keep doing this! and always take it too far.



bee33
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24 Apr 2024, 9:29 pm

It's true that you don't want to ask so many questions that it starts to feel to the other person like an interview, but asking questions is generally a good idea, if you can keep it light and not feel like you are prying or being intrusive. Ideally, something they say will lead to a question because you are interested in knowing more about that they are saying, or in understanding something they brought up that you don't know that much about. It should flow naturally from what they are saying. Comments that are not questions but are relevant to what they have said are useful too. For instance, if you think of something similar that you experienced, but without derailing it so it becomes all about you.



utterly absurd
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24 Apr 2024, 9:50 pm

Yeah, it's a hard balance between asking questions and not asking too many questions.
I try to ask them about as many questions as they ask me but that's a lot easier said than done.


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MatchboxVagabond
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25 Apr 2024, 11:49 am

utterly absurd wrote:
Yeah, it's a hard balance between asking questions and not asking too many questions.
I try to ask them about as many questions as they ask me but that's a lot easier said than done.

It is, I tend to treat it like tennis, I ask a question, they answer it. They ask a question and I answer it. It's not perfect, but if there's a roughly even number of questions and responses, it greatly reduces the headaches. Sometimes that's not necessary, and that's the part that confuses me, a lot.



Cream_of_Wheat
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25 Apr 2024, 6:35 pm

Lol ya I get it, in moderation everything is fine. But what other tricks have y’all learned? Here’s another one from me - giving a little tease. Like, once you want to know something people like you keep some input short and simple and bait them into asking more about it.