Struggling to express deep feelings for a new partner !

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Goofybee
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26 Apr 2024, 10:31 pm

Hello everyone! :) this is officially my first post

I met this guy who is probably the closest thing to what I imagine a forever partner could be. Literally sweeps me off my feet, goes out of his way to make sure I'm comfortable, gives thoughtful and appropriate gifts, AND is a totally competent/independent person. When we get into deep conversation while also finding space for humor and breaks, it feels safer than my own pillows at night. He's equally as awkward as me which helps conversation sooo well!

My main point is that during this amazing journey, every time he surprises me with a date or gives the sweetest compliment in the world, I feel pressure all over and then suddenly I mentally cannot read the situation at all, all social awareness is gone causing me to panic decide my next action. Sometimes being " Can I have a hug? " , I sit there and stare at him blank not knowing how to respond for gross amounts of time, or I don't respond at all. OR the complete opposite I thank him WAY too much or give the worlds longest hug. The longer I tense and don't know how to react it feels like my body is gonna implode

I would love to hear any stories or advice :heart:



bee33
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26 Apr 2024, 10:51 pm

When I recently told my new partner that sometimes I feel, or I am, awkward and weird he said, "It sounds like you have new boyfriend." (Meaning him.)

It was funny and sweet and understanding, a joking way of saying, "It's expected," or "That's how it is when you get together with someone new."

And I am 60 so it doesn't go away, the being awkward.

Also, keep in mind that oftentimes the guy wants to be the one to make you feel special so he'll do the complimenting and the gift-giving and you can just blush and bat your eyelashes. (As old fashioned as that sounds.)



beady
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26 Apr 2024, 11:20 pm

What you describe OP sounds like a wonderful relationship. Finding someone who makes you feel comfortable and can relate to awkward moments is so special.

Its ok that you feel all disoriented when something unexpected happens - you will definitely get a little better at that!

Everything is awkward when its new. I used to often feel like I was on a speeding train in social situations and had no control over the ride. It's taken me awhile but I realized I can (sometimes) stop that train, and take a moment to think and respond. If it's one of those times when I'm just not processing, for whatever reason, well, then its just an awkward moment - its just me.

If you're anything like me, you'll be running that moment through your head a million times. It can be excessive for me, but it also helps me to figure out why I felt that way in the moment, and sometimes to practice what I wished I had said if something similar happens in the future.
It might also help to let your significant other know that its not him or what he said, but just that it takes you awhile sometimes to process information.

I disagree with bee33 just a bit, I would say that its important for you to think about ways to make your partner feel special just as much as he does that for you.



MaxE
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27 Apr 2024, 11:51 am

Typical answer on an autism website is that you're overthinking it.

If you aren't sure what to say, just shower him with whatever sort of physical affection you typically give each other within this relationship. That should get you past whatever it is that's making you uncomfortable.


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jikijiki53
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30 May 2024, 12:12 pm

It sounds like you've met someone truly special, and that's amazing! It might sound strange, but it seems like you've encountered an angel in human form. Yeah, I believe in these things.
The signs that he might be an angel are described in this article. But in short, when someone makes you feel an instant connection, knows exactly how you feel, and brings you an overwhelming sense of peace, it's like the universe is nudging you, saying, "This is it!".

It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed by these intense emotions. The pressure you're feeling might stem from the fact that this relationship means so much to you, and you want everything to be perfect. You should allow yourself to be human and imperfect.



nick007
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02 Jun 2024, 12:03 pm

OP have you tried talking to him about how you don't know how to react in the moment :?: You might find the discussion reassuring since communucation is very important for both of you. If you tried before it might help to try again & maybe write or type out what you'd like to say first.


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