My partner ogles other women & it makes me feel unattractive

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TwilightPrincess
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27 Apr 2024, 5:43 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
My ex told me how unattractive I was, but I never caught him ogling other women.


I think that is a red flag too in a relationship, which I guess would be expected of the guy who abused you (I am guessing you are referring to the abusive ex).

Yeah, now that I think about it, even though he didn’t ogle other women, he would compare me to previous partners. I was the ugliest of them all although there was some variation when individual body parts were discussed.

Geez Louise. :lol:

It’s true that all of his previous partners were more attractive than me, but it’s not very kind to say so.

He said that no other man would want me on account of my ugliness as if I even cared at that point. Sometimes he would smell me when he got home from work to see if I’d been entertaining male guests in his absence though. He might be a werewolf. It’s hard to say.


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IsabellaLinton
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27 Apr 2024, 5:53 pm

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I just want five minutes with that guy. Just five. :ninja:


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blitzkrieg
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27 Apr 2024, 6:08 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
My ex told me how unattractive I was, but I never caught him ogling other women.


I think that is a red flag too in a relationship, which I guess would be expected of the guy who abused you (I am guessing you are referring to the abusive ex).

Yeah, now that I think about it, even though he didn’t ogle other women, he would compare me to previous partners. I was the ugliest of them all although there was some variation when individual body parts were discussed.

Geez Louise. :lol:

It’s true that all of his previous partners were more attractive than me, but it’s not very kind to say so.

He said that no other man would want me on account of my ugliness as if I even cared at that point. Sometimes he would smell me when he got home from work to see if I’d been entertaining male guests in his absence though. He might be a werewolf. It’s hard to say.


I imagine that this guy would put a lot of women off of dating for good, or at least for a long time, by the sounds of it.

A werewolf is probably more attractive than him. :lol:



TwilightPrincess
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27 Apr 2024, 6:11 pm

He’s good at attracting women because he’s charismatic and easy to talk to. It’s hard to know what he’s like until it’s too late although I’m sure other people are better at spotting red flags than I was.


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IsabellaLinton
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27 Apr 2024, 6:15 pm

I would have given him something to smell ...


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TwilightPrincess
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27 Apr 2024, 6:23 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I would have given him something to smell ...

Thanks! :heart:


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27 Apr 2024, 7:00 pm

A little reminder of your avowed fidelity is okay.

Controlling every aspect of a person's life out of jealousy is simply wrong.


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IsabellaLinton
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27 Apr 2024, 7:08 pm

I'll admit I get jealous pretty easily, because those three idiots damaged my self-esteem and convinced me I wasn't desirable.

It's something I don't really voice to my current partner, because I know it's my trauma speaking and not the truth.


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blitzkrieg
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27 Apr 2024, 7:12 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'll admit I get jealous pretty easily, because those three idiots damaged my self-esteem and convinced me I wasn't desirable.

It's something I don't really voice to my current partner, because I know it's my trauma speaking and not the truth.


I was thinking about asking you about whether it affected your self-esteem but didn't want to say anything out of place... I am sorry you had to endure those three people.

It would seem you have had some bad luck indeed with these men in the past. For some reason I thought it was just one gay ex, but I didn't know there were three.



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27 Apr 2024, 7:17 pm

Thanks. Yes it totally affected my self-esteem. When I found out that the third one was also deceiving me I had a very serious breakdown and spiralled into some very dark thoughts. That breakdown led me to make impulsive choices which led to my violent trauma situation. That lasted another seven years with someone I wasn't even dating. I was terrorized and conditioned to believe I was worthless or that I deserved it, and it resulted in Stockholm Syndrome. I can guarantee none of that would have happened if I hadn't been sideswiped by Boyfriend 3, who was the love of my life at the time as well as a longtime best friend.


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29 Apr 2024, 7:52 pm

The bf and I agree that Dana Scully is gorgeous but that's about it.


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blitzkrieg
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29 Apr 2024, 8:12 pm

honeytoast wrote:
The bf and I agree that Dana Scully is gorgeous but that's about it.


Gillian Anderson (Dana Scully) is definitely gorgeous. It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't do any noticeable/significant ogling at other women, then?

That is a good thing, ofc!



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29 Apr 2024, 8:46 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
The bf and I agree that Dana Scully is gorgeous but that's about it.


Gillian Anderson (Dana Scully) is definitely gorgeous. It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't do any noticeable/significant ogling at other women, then?

That is a good thing, ofc!

I'm not attracted to Gillian Anderson. Too thin, gaunt features in general including prominent cheekbones which are supposed to be attractive but don't appeal to me. Also can't stand the RP accent. I'll admit I never watched the X Files. She might have looked and/or spoken differently back then.


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30 Apr 2024, 3:16 pm

My girlfriend is pansexual & Cass talks about attractive women more than me. We don't usually majorly disagree with each other about a woman being attractive though. She's complimented other women on their apperance &/or outfit a few times in a way that might could come across as flirting. I'm not bothered by that but Cass worries about it afterwards. There's been various times I almost complimeted other women but I always stop myself. Cass is a lot more social than me when around others but she doesn't always have a filter, whereas I'm a lot more quiet. I do notice attractive women when out but I look at them in a way where they don't notice. I don't usually look at people or various things by looking directly at them, instead I use my perifial vision more. Everytime I've been accused of staring I had barely noticed the person & I was daydraming & zoning out.


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Nettlekiss
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18 May 2024, 12:48 am

I'm a male, and honestly, my fiance(f)would be the one to look first, then out of nowhere I will here "damn, look at that ass". We are both bisexual and support each other when it comes to this. We are allowed to look, but not touch. It's natural for a guy to look, it's nothing against you, men just.... well, our eyes wander



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19 May 2024, 11:56 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
My other ex kept a huge digital and print photo collection of an unnamed young woman from his past. He used those photos during ... uh, private time with himself.

He also had a collection of her things including a monogrammed towel. He never explained exactly who she was, but as far as I could tell she was the daughter of his ex-wife, or something like that. I don't understand what all the secrecy was about.

I never slept with this dude because he told me women's bodies were disgusting.


Was that your gay ex? That seems not very... heterosexual.


Why does he even pair up with women if that's the case?


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