When people say ‘here if you need to talk about it’

Page 2 of 2 [ 24 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

JamesW
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2023
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 141
Location: London, UK

04 May 2024, 2:34 am

I'm with you on this one.

I don't know if it's an autistic thing or if it's just me, but 'I'm here if you need to talk about it' has always sounded to me like 'You should be talking about it - it's what normal people do.' Of course, almost nobody actually ever means it that way.

I'm much more comfortable with 'I'm here if you need anything.' Trying to put myself into the mind of a neurotypical for a moment, it may be that they don't like saying that in case the person asks for something that they're not able or willing to give.

What I want to say to you is: 'You are not alone.'



Chiliwailer
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2023
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 48
Location: Elliot & Gertie’s closet, England.

04 May 2024, 2:42 am

JamesW wrote:
I'm with you on this one.

I don't know if it's an autistic thing or if it's just me, but 'I'm here if you need to talk about it' has always sounded to me like 'You should be talking about it - it's what normal people do.' Of course, almost nobody actually ever means it that way.
'


Thanks, 100% agree with your whole post, and especially liking the quote above about ‘should’…



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,685

04 May 2024, 11:30 am

^
Maybe sometimes it's meant like that. But I think there are times when it just means what it says, and that it can be sincere reassurance that you're welcome to lean on them.



Chiliwailer
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2023
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 48
Location: Elliot & Gertie’s closet, England.

04 May 2024, 12:14 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
^
Maybe sometimes it's meant like that. But I think there are times when it just means what it says, and that it can be sincere reassurance that you're welcome to lean on them.


Absolutely, i agree :) What I meant, and took from the comment, is that it can be another observation of how I’m different to other people I know. They all want to talk about stuff, so in relation to that quote, that’s just how it feels to me, even though I know they are genuine. :heart:



__Elijahahahaho
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 9 Jan 2024
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 142
Location: GERMANY

05 May 2024, 10:03 am

I guess they are offering free emotional support, to a limited degree depending on the relationship.
Sometimes it means they cut you off and hug you then leave, other times they listen for a bit and offer basic problem solving and empathy.

In general for me I do talk through things, but honestly it usually doesn't help much and I like practical solutions.

It is vaguely triggering because people are very hypocritical and it can be a selfish thing to say, eg they would
immediately go behind your back to gossip about you after saying it.



Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,437
Location: U.S.A.         (Mid-Atlantic)

05 May 2024, 11:59 am

Chiliwailer wrote:
Thank you, I feel on the same page :D
I understand that your bride and you are both going to be going through a stressful "adventure." We're available to compare notes.


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


Chiliwailer
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2023
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 48
Location: Elliot & Gertie’s closet, England.

05 May 2024, 12:09 pm

__Elijahahahaho wrote:
I guess they are offering free emotional support, to a limited degree depending on the relationship.
Sometimes it means they cut you off and hug you then leave, other times they listen for a bit and offer basic problem solving and empathy.

In general for me I do talk through things, but honestly it usually doesn't help much and I like practical solutions.

It is vaguely triggering because people are very hypocritical and it can be a selfish thing to say, eg they would
immediately go behind your back to gossip about you after saying it.


Thanks for sharing. I believe I’m more practical and pragmatic too.



Chiliwailer
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2023
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 48
Location: Elliot & Gertie’s closet, England.

05 May 2024, 12:10 pm

Double Retired wrote:
Chiliwailer wrote:
Thank you, I feel on the same page :D
I understand that your bride and you are both going to be going through a stressful "adventure." We're available to compare notes.


Thank you, that’s very kind, and appreciated :heart: