How do any of you react not great to unfair situations?

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catpiecakebutter
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03 May 2024, 9:48 pm

When I was on the sidewalk today and some young (maybe someone in his teens or early twenties) guy in a scooter went past me, and he didn't say excuse me I called out to him "Bas****!" He didn't hear me although I know I reacted poorly. If I was more upset I maybe would have said something much worse. Do any of you react poorly to unfair situations?



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03 May 2024, 10:12 pm

You should see me when I'm driving. I'll shout more expletives in two minutes than most people utter in their whole lives.
I'm more careful when people can hear me, but I do tend to get very mad in situations like that. Usually I really want to walk up to someone and tell them exactly how I feel, but I don't mostly due to anxiety.
There have been rare times, however, when it's SO bad that I know I would have straight up yelled at a total stranger if there hadn't been someone else there to stop me.
These situations will stick in my mind for days and I can't stop thinking about how that person just walked away after doing that and they deserved to be yelled at. (And when I say yell, I mean yell a logical explanation of exactly why that person was wrong. But still yell.) I know I did the right thing, but some part of me still wishes I had acted differently.
So to answer your question, I do not react great to unfair situations; I react atrociously to unfair situations. But I have precautions to make sure my internal reaction doesn't exit my mouth.


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03 May 2024, 10:15 pm

Definitely. It's gotten worse with age. It's definitely something I should discuss in therapy. It used to only happen with people I am close to, but lately I have just been a loose cannon with anyone who irritates me in the slightest.


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03 May 2024, 10:19 pm

That depends.

At best, I can just ignore it. I'd be annoyed for a moment and that's it. Likely because I already anticipated it.
I wouldn't care if they hurt someone -- they'd likely be hurt too if they did. Let them be careless.

At worst, I'd be startled, act on reflex, and may violently attack the driver. Expletives won't be enough, I'd commit damage to property and assault.


I'm not sure what my true emotional reaction ranges are now. :o

The latter is already less likely to happen before the change -- it's not easy to startle me especially in public. My external senses are open enough to sense that someone might be behind me.

Now that I'm way less reactive... Hmm ...


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ToughDiamond
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04 May 2024, 12:07 am

catpiecakebutter wrote:
When I was on the sidewalk today and some young (maybe someone in his teens or early twenties) guy in a scooter went past me, and he didn't say excuse me I called out to him "Bas****!" He didn't hear me although I know I reacted poorly. If I was more upset I maybe would have said something much worse. Do any of you react poorly to unfair situations?

Depends how far away from you he was, how fast he was going, and whether or not he was riding on the pavement. If he was being inconsiderate, I don't think calling him a bastard was reacting poorly, just not perfect. I suppose shouting "jerk" might have been a bit better. Might be a bit dangerous if he'd heard you and was bigger than you and had violent tendencies, but that's all. Of course if he'd passed you in a safe and courteous manner, your behaviour would have been inappropriate.

I've certainly reacted like you did when I've felt somebody deserved it. I've often wished I'd been even more aggressive than that. In the UK town where I spend quite a bit of time, cyclists often zip straight past me, too close and too fast. It's reckless and antisocial of them and I feel that they deserve a shock for doing it. If more pedestrians took direct action to stop them, the sidewalks might be safer.

It's rare I feel guilty after reacting to an antisocial varmint. Usually I feel like a wimp and I feel that I should have been more aggressive. But I suppose I get the balance about right.



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04 May 2024, 10:19 am

catpiecakebutter wrote:
When I was on the sidewalk today and some young (maybe someone in his teens or early twenties) guy in a scooter went past me, and he didn't say excuse me I called out to him "Bas****!" He didn't hear me although I know I reacted poorly. If I was more upset I maybe would have said something much worse. Do any of you react poorly to unfair situations?
I do not react well to unfair situations at all. I can get overwhelmed to the point where I have heart attack symptoms. It's not anxiety, it's just overwhelm. As far as your situation, personally, I think you reacted harshly. How do you know that he was not non speaking? He could have been. In that particular situation, you assumed that he could speak. He also doesn't have to say "excuse me" just for going past you. He would only have to say it if you were actually in his way and you were blocking him and you needed to move for him to get past or if he was so close to you that he practically brushed up on you. Can you imagine if you were walking in, say, New York city? Would you expect everyone who went past you to say excuse me to you? That would be very entitled and ridiculous. He wasn't rude unless he actually ran over you or pushed you over. If he had done that, he would have had to at the very least say excuse me. But just simply scooting past you, especially if he was at a respectable and safe distance, that is not a situation which requires him to say that. But if he did practically brush up on you than he should have said something like sorry, or excuse me and if he could not speak he should have signaled you. But if he was at a safe distance, that would not have been necessary.

Now there is one thing that you might consider. Part of my Autism is that my visual processing doesn't work correctly. I see things much bigger and much close than they are. My Autistic cousin has the same issue. The problem is that you don't know you have this issue until someone points it out to you. That is how I found out that I had it. So if you have this issue as well, you may have perceived him to be much closer to you than he actually was. That happens to me all the time. So that is definitely something to keep in mind as well.

It's totally ok if you didn't understand that and thus overreacted but if you do understand now, it will save you a lot of grief and anger in the future. :heart:


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catpiecakebutter
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04 May 2024, 1:27 pm

I thought he went too fast past me. But you're right, I shouldn't assume he can speak.



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04 May 2024, 1:49 pm

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I thought he went too fast past me. But you're right, I shouldn't assume he can speak.

You're correct that there's a (remote) possibility he couldn't speak, but I would think he could have used a bell to warn you of his approach, or simply slowed down.



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06 May 2024, 5:49 pm

I agree, using a bell or something like that is always the best thing to do. But in the future, I would probably not yell out the word "bastard." That's a bit harsh. I would probably yell out the words "be careful" instead or "slow down when passing" or something like that, especially if it was a child.


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catpiecakebutter
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06 May 2024, 5:50 pm

I see your point. I was a bit harsh.



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06 May 2024, 6:22 pm

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I see your point. I was a bit harsh.
:heart:


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