Difficulties with being the "Woman" in a Relationship

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Summers_Over
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03 May 2024, 9:52 pm

Do you think being on the spectrum makes it difficult to conform to traditional gender roles? As a female who was born that way and still is, I've always had difficulties in relationships with men as my brain is just not wired to adhere to "normal" roles for women. I'm not sure if it is linked to my autism but I've always had suspicions as my husband is on the spectrum and also struggles with this. I just don't find it appealing to act as a traditional, submissive woman in marriage. My husband also struggles with being dominant. We have learned to embrace this as we both prefer living outside of the gender norms, but I've always wondered if others on the spectrum deal with this as well.


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Purpopcorn
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03 May 2024, 9:58 pm

Few women autistic or not are okay with being the traditional, submissive wife. Women are just as intelligent and talented as men and deserve to follow their passions and have aspirations in life besides being a wife and homemaker. So, no, you are not unusual in wanting more out of life. Remind your husband that there is nothing unique about women that makes them designed to clean house, run errands or cook. Men are just as qualified to do these things.



TwilightPrincess
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03 May 2024, 10:08 pm

Yeah, this is something that I really struggled with, but I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian religion that had very rigid notions of gender and men and women’s roles in marriage. Men were supposed to be the head of the house, and women were supposed to be submissive. I felt like I could be myself once I left the religion and my marriage. My husband was very controlling and abusive so the traditional roles suited him perfectly. My submissive days are over. :ninja: To be honest, this stuff always bothered me, but I thought I was wrong for feeling that way. It’s really hard when people are intent on making you someone you aren’t. As a young child, I hated it because it wasn’t fair.


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Summers_Over
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03 May 2024, 10:21 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Yeah, this is something that I really struggled with, but I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian religion that had very rigid notions of gender and men and women’s roles in marriage. Men were supposed to be the head of the house, and women were supposed to be submissive. I felt like I could be myself once I left the religion and my marriage. My husband was very controlling and abusive so the traditional roles suited him perfectly. My submissive days are over. :ninja: To be honest, this stuff always bothered me, but I thought I was wrong for feeling that way. It’s really hard when people are intent on making you someone you aren’t. As a young child, I hated it because it wasn’t fair.


It's definitely not fair at all. Everyone is different and it's always been ridiculous to me that people use religion to try and fit people into tiny little boxes. It's why I have never been able to fully commit to any denomination...those things never sat well with me. I don't think people should use religion as a way to control people. It should be a tool for learning about our world.
I'm glad to hear you got out of that situation. Like you, I am never looking back on my submissive days either lol. It feels so good to embrace my independence and strengths as a woman without being confined! I'm glad my husband gets me but we definitely misunderstand each other still. He was raised in a more strict household like yours so he deals with a lot of guilt as he is not the "dominant" man his family raised him to be.


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LittleBeach
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05 May 2024, 2:44 pm

I do not have much strength or practical ability so I do let my partner deal with traditionally masculine jobs around the house (fixing things, lifting things, dealing with tradespeople etc.). In return I do majority of cooking and cleaning (though not as much cleaning as I probably should, life is too short!).

Other than that we do not really follow gender roles. Neither of us is the leader in the relationship, and both of us are logical rather than emotional.