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MagicMeerkat
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15 May 2024, 9:59 pm

I'm wondering if other people were isolated by choice as a children. I never had the desire to socialize with other kids or even adults of that matter. If someone wanted to talk about my special interests, I'd want to interact; but people who shared my special interests were so far few in between.

I was homeschooled since the 5th grade. My mother was paranoid someone was going to report her for neglect or abuse because I was "isolated". I remember her lying to my pediatrician about random kids I interacted with. "Oh yes, she's always out and about with the neighbor girl who's a little older" in reality, I rarely talked to "neighbor girl who's a little older". I asked her on the way home, "Why did you lie to her?" and she basically told me she didn't want a visit from CPS because I wasn't being "socialized".

She was always paranoid about CPS taking me away for the slightest thing. She wanted to homeschool me from preschool but was gaslighted by therapists and doctors about how I needed to go to a traditional school to "learn how to be around other children". I always wondered if CPS really will take a child away because the parent isn't making them socialize when they have no interest.

Anyway, various "professional" type people were always telling my parents to put me into this weekly "social skills group" or that one. They were thinking about one...until they learned it would cost over $5K and insurance wouldn't cover it. We didn't have that kind of money. I don't think it would have worked either. I can just see some therapist telling me to stop talking about my special interests. I was taught basic manners, but never to the point of masking. I was always told: "If people can't accept you for you or bully you for anything, they are not your friends and you need to stay away from them." This was the early 90's before neurodiversity was a thing and when Hans Asperger's was still seen as some kind of hero.

So probably a good thing my parents never forced me into any "social skills group". But anyhow, I'm wondering if anyone else was a self isolator when still a child. I preferred to run around by myself in the woods. Kind of like this poem: "‘She sat at the back and they said she was shy,
She led from the front and they hated her pride,
They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,
They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,
When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,
So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,
They told her they'd listen, then covered their ears,
And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,
And she listened to all of it thinking she should,
Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,
But one day she asked what was best for herself,
Instead of trying to please everyone else,
So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,
She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,
She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,
And she told them what she'd been told time after time,
She told them she felt she was never enough,
She was either too little or far far too much,
Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,
Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,
Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,
And she stopped...and she heard what the trees said to her,
And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,
For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe."


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utterly absurd
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15 May 2024, 10:28 pm

I wouldn't say I self-isolated, but I always preferred to spend most of my time alone. I sometimes hung out with other kids or at least talked to them at school, but generally I could be found doing my own thing.
I didn't run around in the woods because we were in a city with no woods nearby, and also because my parents wouldn't let me out of their sight. But if I had grown up in a different place and time, I would probably have never left the woods.
When I did play with other kids, I enjoyed it but usually got into an argument with them. I used to be a huge control freak and this led to a lot of arguments. When I played by myself I didn't have to worry about all the annoyances of people, I could just do what I wanted.
Also, where did that poem come from? I love it and I'd like to copy it and save it, but I don't want to plagiarize.


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Edna3362
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15 May 2024, 10:55 pm

When it came to socializing, I'm just someone who just comes and goes.
I'm not a true introvert, I'm just asocial.

I don't have a real social drive; it's just boredom.
And to me socializing is just one of the countless choices to choose from.

My neighbors were the best people I socialize with as a child. They're the same age as me and my sister -- but they seem to be a bit more matured than me.

I just like them. The proximity helps. I like play. I'm good at it. Good enough for other kids to want me.

Otherwise I prefer to do stuff on my own.
On my own pace, on my own terms. I don't even 'depend' on them at my worst.

My mom thought I was someone lonely at school.
She kept insisting I should attend and go with other people or get included.

But it took her too long to realize that's not the case. Took her time that it is not the reason why I'm irritated and angry all the time...
Because it's not what I want. It's not even about what I want.

I want to understand why I'm different, yes -- but not 'be with them' let alone 'be like them'.


I'm still someone who just comes and goes whenever I want.
If I want to be in a certain group, if I want to talk to a particular person...

I know they won't understand. I accept that they will likely never be.
And I won't try hard because I don't even have any desire to quell loneliness or any desire to be with someone in the first place.

I'm not 'shy'. I'm not 'avoidant'.
I just really don't feel like it.

I'm not even afraid of social screw ups or commiting social suicides -- sometimes that's what I intended to do for s**ts and giggles. :lol:

Pleasing anyone is practically unpaid work.

I'm more like too busy having something else in my mind, dealing with something else.
Especially as a child -- I did had unmet needs that only been resolved or granted much later.
Heck, my main source of anger and chronic irritation was solved only recently.

My best 'accommodation' at school was simply be left alone and ignored. :lol: It made me happier that way.

I can keep up easily by myself academically.
Even insists doing group projects by myself, perform and create stuff alone.


This was... Late 2000s, up to mid 2010s.
I might be the only aspie known in the city that time.
And no one knows what to do with me at all.
So I had to figure things out myself.


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bee33
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15 May 2024, 11:21 pm

When I was a kid, and really even now, I needed one person whom I would cling to and who was my conduit to the rest of the world. It was my sister often, and at times I had a best friend who was my everything. Right now and always as an adult it was my partner, and whenever I don't have one I feel lost. I have a partner now but it's still very new so I still feel lost, because I don't think I can cling to him without him recoiling at this point.

So I was isolated except for one person. But when I was at home as a kid (I mostly saw my best friend at school) I played by myself a lot and had a lot of worlds that I inhabited in my mind, so I was... partly isolated?



IsabellaLinton
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15 May 2024, 11:22 pm

Yes.

I built a fort with bedsheets hanging from the ceiling and stayed in there most of my non-school life. I was also into hiding in small spaces. My favourite was behind a big armchair in the corner of our living room. The chair was wide and low enough that I could stay there for hours unnoticed, sometimes with my Barbie camper. I liked squishing myself under my dresser, making snow forts, or generally just staying in my room with a book or my record player. In summer I liked to sleep outside in our back garden in a tent.

I was never interested in other kids. I felt the sting of not fitting in, but I didn't want to be with them anyway.


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angelsonthemoon
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16 May 2024, 12:37 am

Not exactly. I was an only child so I was kind of default isolated and didn't mind. Although I did have some family to be around and hung out with other kids. As I got older though, I became more aware of my stutter. My socializing was a very conflicting experience. A lot of pain mixed in even when there were good times too. It might not make sense to people without severe social difficulties. It's kind of like playing but you have an injury... so you can play and feel pain or not play at all.

I've self isolated a lot more as an adult. If it wasn't for my family, and if I could afford to, I might be hermit level.



ToughDiamond
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16 May 2024, 1:25 am

I was about half and half. I never consciously decided to isolate myself, and always started to feel lonely if I had to be alone for a long time, but wasn't fazed by a few hours of working on a project. I didn't feel unpopular and wasn't really non-social as a kid. If somebody was willing to play or we had a visit and they'd brought the kids, I loved that. I just got fascinated by this or that and didn't know much about collaboration. It was a good balance of playing with other kids and doing my own thing.



MagicMeerkat
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16 May 2024, 3:37 pm

utterly absurd wrote:
I wouldn't say I self-isolated, but I always preferred to spend most of my time alone. I sometimes hung out with other kids or at least talked to them at school, but generally I could be found doing my own thing.
I didn't run around in the woods because we were in a city with no woods nearby, and also because my parents wouldn't let me out of their sight. But if I had grown up in a different place and time, I would probably have never left the woods.
When I did play with other kids, I enjoyed it but usually got into an argument with them. I used to be a huge control freak and this led to a lot of arguments. When I played by myself I didn't have to worry about all the annoyances of people, I could just do what I wanted.
Also, where did that poem come from? I love it and I'd like to copy it and save it, but I don't want to plagiarize.


Someone by the name of Becky Helmsley. Found it on Facebook


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MoeTrashPanda
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16 May 2024, 4:27 pm

I can recall a few group projects in elementary where I would ask the teacher if I could work on it alone--especially if it had to do with animals or plants (making a report on a plant, etc.).

I can also remember asking the teacher if I could stay inside for recess so I could read.

While I preferred to be by myself, engaged in art or a book, I also had several close friends who I played with. I've always preferred to be solitary, or with my close close friends. I liked playing games that were engaging (tether ball, wall ball, kick ball, pretending to be cats) with these close friends. I've always been well liked by people, but have always felt more like a floater, never truly belonging to a friend group throughout all of my school years.


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MagicMeerkat
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19 May 2024, 2:48 pm

MoeTrashPanda wrote:
I can recall a few group projects in elementary where I would ask the teacher if I could work on it alone--especially if it had to do with animals or plants (making a report on a plant, etc.).

I can also remember asking the teacher if I could stay inside for recess so I could read.

While I preferred to be by myself, engaged in art or a book, I also had several close friends who I played with. I've always preferred to be solitary, or with my close close friends. I liked playing games that were engaging (tether ball, wall ball, kick ball, pretending to be cats) with these close friends. I've always been well liked by people, but have always felt more like a floater, never truly belonging to a friend group throughout all of my school years.


I asked if I could stay inside for recess too but was always denied.


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19 May 2024, 4:58 pm

I was not anti-social but I didn't mind being by myself. People often took it for standoffishness but that wasn't the case







P.S.: They still do today.



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19 May 2024, 7:28 pm

MagicMeerkat wrote:
Did you self-isolate as a child?
No, isolation was imposed upon me by others -- I was a social outcast.


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19 May 2024, 7:49 pm

I would have self-isolated if I was allowed to. But, apparently, that was unacceptable, so I was forced to interact with other kids.

Also, that poem is beautiful. Thanks for posting. :)


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02 Jun 2024, 10:51 am

All ever wanted was to just be left alone and not leave the house. However, my parents forced me into stuff. I went to school which in JR High was like going to the torture chamber in a 3rd world country. I was forced to participate in sports, which again I dreaded, and the others despised me.

I had 0 friends and I had to lie to extended family about it when asked. Between dealing with bullies at school and a father that was always shouting at me seemingly for everything. This is why I always 2nd guess myself and am pretty much socially isolated in recent years. TBH, if I didn't have to work, I would live someplace desolate for sure.


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Harmonie
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02 Jun 2024, 11:21 am

I can't speak of my earlier childhood, as I've forgotten a lot of that.

I tried to be social in high school. I tried to be a part of friend group outings, but it didn't go too well for me. I think I was okay with being out of the house like I was (I was in a highly competitive marching band, so I spent a lot of time at school or on trips), but I also loved being home in my room, as I do now. It was in my sophomore year of high school that we got high-speed internet and I got immediately, hopelessly addicted. lol.

One factor from my teens and childhood that is a lot better now is that back then my parents would wait to turn on the air conditioner until, like, June or July. I have low tolerance for heat, stale air. This made my room much less of the comfy space to retreat to than my space is today. Even then, I still spent a long time in my room alone, lights off, door shut.

It was only in the past several years that I opened up my room door. That was difficult for me to do. lol.

Nowadays anytime I'm out in public, I tend to be like a ticking timebomb. It's like I can only handle so much until I have to get back to my comfy, happy place in my room. I wish I could remember more about childhood me, if this was something I also experienced then.


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