Why do I complain about missing out on things I don't like?

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chris1989
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18 May 2024, 5:01 pm

I can't seem to understand why I complain about things I'm ''missing out'' on when I don't really always like the things that other people do like doing such as going down to a pub with friends on a weekend and have a good time, or going to a club or ''missing out'' on the fact that other people of my age or a bit younger are experiencing parenthood for the first time and yet a part of me still feels uninterested in having my own biological children but worried about regretting or changing my mind it if I get to an age where starting fatherhood at an older age is ''out of the question'' because it feels like everyone else did it all at the ''right'' time in their 20s and 30s.



funeralxempire
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18 May 2024, 5:08 pm

I think many of us wonder that exact same question.


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QuantumChemist
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19 May 2024, 8:07 am

I think you are suffering from a fear of missing out (FOMO). It does not matter if it would be an activity that you might not enjoy, it can still cause FOMO. It is natural to want to “belong” to social groups and feel like we miss out when we are not part of the groups. FOMO can push people to do things that are unwise, like buying into a stock market that is way too high. Those that do act on FOMO think that they have to follow the pack or be left behind. But, when the group is jumping off of a high cliff like lemmings, survivors come from those who do not follow the group.

One thing about blocking FOMO: Keep yourself very busy with your own interests/hobbies and you will not have the spare time to think about the things that you feel are missing from your life.



MaxE
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19 May 2024, 8:34 am

I find most NT notions about "having fun" quite unpleasant and I am somewhat ashamed of not appreciating opportunities I've been given to have such fun.


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19 May 2024, 10:27 am

I experience that sometimes. But not so much with people going to bars/clubs, as that is NOT my scene. I am just envious of everyone else and their careers, houses, spouses and children.

I don't know how they found love. I just don't get it. It never happens for me. I suppose they just have a lot more social skill than me, perhaps also have much less anxiety and are less of loners with limits for social interaction. Also just gotta say it: They're prettier than me. :cry:

I don't know if the life of a spouse and children is even for me. I've been back and forth. At my age I keep on catching baby fever and get quite upset that I'm not a mother, but then I also think "I can't take care of myself very well, how could I take care of a child?!" and then I think about how they randomly scream and how much that hurts my ears, or how gross they can be, and the fact that they completely invade your personal space, like coming in the bathroom with you. I just think a child is a path to complete and total burnout for me, and yet I still want it somewhere deep down.


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Edna3362
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23 May 2024, 5:51 pm

There's your head -- and then they're YOU.

Your head can like whatever YOU do or don't want.

Your head feels missing it out while YOU complain about the feeling.
That's where meta-feelings are born.

I understand how this work.

Your head and YOU operates at two different levels of processes.

YOU are the conscious that you are aware of. It's the you who you known to be.

Your head could be countless things -- your limbic system, your subconscious; ranging from your 4 year old who got denied of candy while everyone gets it and refuses to let it go even in adulthood because it knows no time, or on another level your looping insecurities or fears to hide or avoid or keep certain feelings dormant as a defense mechanism.


I don't know how to teach people how to go deeper within, close certain loops or quell feelings or thoughts that had nothing to do with your conscious choices.

I don't know how to make someone question their limbic system in a more direct manner. :(

I don't know if it has particular prerequisites like sensitivities and certain processing styles or practice required (other than dropping enough internal interferences related to physical health issues that can directly affect your body tying to your mental health instead) -- but I'm sure it requires YOU to be relaxed (in which requires meta-awareness and be as nonjudgement as possible) even if your head and body isn't (whether it's hot on anger or on verge of panic -- as long as it's also not YOU) though a safer and more relaxed time and place is ideal (especially when safer meant stronger emotions and thoughts comes up).


What I do was... Literally feel my head; feel the nudges of thoughts and processing inside it -- sort of looked like meditation.

Then literally going deeper within -- body and it's limbs> outer senses> the head > into the cortex > hippocampus > brain stem... Sort of feels like that.

Just skim through and acknowledge the waves and direction and all that, but no need to take a closer look or question it's contents until you're deep enough to your target goal.

And just 'question or talk' stuff like asking a kid with no coping skills question. Then let any feelings run, let any interpretations be without judgment from YOU.

Also not recommended when one's busy or had to be interrupted. It can take few hours or few days...
That is, if the attempt is successful; certain thought loops will close. :|

I'm not sure if it's also ideal to work or can work in conjunction this with another party (safe person, therapist, etc.) I got my methods, other people got theirs... So I don't know. :o


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Mayfly2215
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30 May 2024, 8:19 pm

Speaking for myself, I think it's because I crave social interactions and fun, but most of the things other people like doing together are just unpleasant. Like, theoretically a night out with my friends is fun, but I know that most of the time if I actually wind up going I'm going to end up overstimulated and not be very fun, or I'm going to wind up getting way too drunk to avoid sensory hell and then also not be very fun, but sitting alone in my room is also... not fun.
Real rock and hard place situations where no matter what we choose a lot of the time the end result will be some form of discomfort.



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31 May 2024, 11:58 pm

I can think of a couple of reasons:

1. You want to be normal or at least appear normal. Doing those things make you think you would be closer to being an NT.

2. Those are milestones that society uses to gauge maturation and progress. Not doing those things makes you feel like you are not progressing.

3. You might be wondering what those things are like, and might really like them if you did try it. It is hard to know what something is actually like if one hasn't done it.

4. Others seem to be doing those things and are having fun. We are wired to want to fit in and do what others are doing.