Is it wrong to want a cure for myself?

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FrostBender
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19 May 2024, 8:23 pm

Title.
Note the hypothetical cure would be only be for myself, not forced upon anyone who doesn't want it.
I have always wanted to be NT. I keep imaging what I would be like as a NT(e.g. tons of friends, dating beautiful women, having nice things, lots of money, etc). I don't care about being smart. I rather be social and average. I always hope they will invent a cure. Even if it changed who I am, I wouldn't mind starting life over.

I don't always tell anyone about this, because I get told that it's wrong to want to change who I am. But those who say that don't speak for me.



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20 May 2024, 12:36 am

Nothing reprehensible about wanting something for yourself that you think is harmless.

But you may be overestimating the attractiveness that a cure would give you. As an Aspie I've got by, especially with finding partners, after a very unpromising start, and not all NTs are popular or wealthy.

I'd be interested in trying it, but only if it was safe and reversible.

Anyway it's not likely to happen.



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20 May 2024, 12:52 am

FrostBender wrote:
Is it wrong to want a cure for myself?
Wrong?  No.

Pointless?  Probably.  Only diseases can be cured.  Autism is not a disease.


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20 May 2024, 1:37 am

It's not wrong to desire a cure and be allistic.
It's not wrong to achieve the things your peers did.

However...
One shouldn't assume that a cure will guarantee to grant you the life you imagined it to be.

Caring too much on this statement will put themselves in a pitfall of despair and self blame, stuck in a life full of should-have-beens.


Nothing is wrong with what your and wanting.

However, too much wanting will hurt you.
It will leave you embittered and stew in self loathing if you let the lack of achievement of your wants, your comparison and envy towards your NT peers to define your life and who you are.

If you reach to such point -- you are not wrong to envy.
You are not wrong to grieve 'what could have been'.


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DuckHairback
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20 May 2024, 4:49 am

FrostBender wrote:
Title.
Note the hypothetical cure would be only be for myself, not forced upon anyone who doesn't want it.
I have always wanted to be NT. I keep imaging what I would be like as a NT(e.g. tons of friends, dating beautiful women, having nice things, lots of money, etc). I don't care about being smart. I rather be social and average. I always hope they will invent a cure. Even if it changed who I am, I wouldn't mind starting life over.

I don't always tell anyone about this, because I get told that it's wrong to want to change who I am. But those who say that don't speak for me.


I don't think it's wrong, you just want relief from the challenges you face day-to-day. I think everyone would like that, ND, NT whatever.

I think it'd probably be worth thinking about a bit deeper though. Having an NT brain doesn't automatically mean you'll have tons of friends, date beautiful women, have nice things and lots of money. Lots of NTs have none of those things. Most, probably.

The danger here is that wishing you were someone else becomes a chronic way of thinking. You're not going to be someone else so sooner or later you're going to have to get down to the work of accepting yourself as you are, developing realistic expectations for yourself (and only you know what you're capable of) and going a bit easier on yourself if there are things you're not going to be able to manage.

You can get stuck wishing the world was different to how it is, wishing you were different to how you are. But that's not a very fulfilling way to live, in fact its miserable. I don't mean don't try to change, don't strive. I mean try to see objectively how you can have a life that fulfils you, under the circumstances you find yourself in.


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FrostBender
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20 May 2024, 2:06 pm

I want to go under electroshock therapy like john elder robison did. To get the normal parts of the brain switched on. However I don’t have the funds for it.



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20 May 2024, 2:58 pm

Is it wrong? No.

Is it useful? Also, No.

Some Aspies do OK in life. Focus on your strengths and maybe you can be one of them.


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FrostBender
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20 May 2024, 3:03 pm

I just want a lot of money



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20 May 2024, 3:10 pm

It's not wrong to want it. Realistically, it's not going to happen. Any treatment that's sufficiently effective to be a cure wouldn't be safe for adults.

It may be that aspects are eventually curable, but realistically, you are who you are and it's unlikely that there's much to be done other than making a place in the world for yourself.

I think it would be great to know when I'm hungry or thirsty, but some other aspects cut too deep to be curable without consuming changing who I am



FrostBender
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20 May 2024, 3:23 pm

Also, I can’t ever really accept the fact that I’m not normal. It’s like being locked in a prison cell with a small window where you can see everyone else outside living their lives. No matter how hard I kick or bang the door, it’s not coming open for me to go out and join the NTs



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21 May 2024, 6:20 am

FrostBender wrote:
Also, I can’t ever really accept the fact that I’m not normal. It’s like being locked in a prison cell with a small window where you can see everyone else outside living their lives. No matter how hard I kick or bang the door, it’s not coming open for me to go out and join the NTs

That's your choice to make, but realistically there is likely never going to be a cure and even if it does happen, we're likely to all be dead of old age by that time.

It's far better to just find some way of making peace with it and arranging your life to suit your needs as much as possible to free up some time and every for productive work.



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21 May 2024, 8:00 am

FrostBender wrote:
I want to go under electroshock therapy like john elder robison did. To get the normal parts of the brain switched on. However I don’t have the funds for it.
I didn't know John Elder Robison had ECT. I wonder why he had it. I've had it too, about six months after I joined WP. I had eight sessions in total and it made me happier for a while but it had no effect on my autism. Not even a little bit. The reason I had it was because I had deep depression that medication didn't fix. Two psychiatrists had to approve it and I had to sign a form that listed the risks.

In short, ECT has no effect on autism.



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21 May 2024, 8:11 am

renaeden wrote:
FrostBender wrote:
I want to go under electroshock therapy like john elder robison did. To get the normal parts of the brain switched on. However I don’t have the funds for it.
I didn't know John Elder Robison had ECT. I wonder why he had it. I've had it too, about six months after I joined WP. I had eight sessions in total and it made me happier for a while but it had no effect on my autism. Not even a little bit. The reason I had it was because I had deep depression that medication didn't fix. Two psychiatrists had to approve it and I had to sign a form that listed the risks.

In short, ECT has no effect on autism.


John had transcranial magnetic stimulation as a research guinea pig, but I don't think he had ECT.
He claimed that TMS put his brain into a meditative state. Robison wrote that he felt more emotionally attuned to his environment and had an easier time reading people's emotions. However, the effects eventually faded. Additionally, the treatment led to him feeling more sensitive to his wife's depression and to an eventual divorce.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Switched_On_(Book)#Story



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21 May 2024, 8:17 am

FrostBender wrote:
Also, I can’t ever really accept the fact that I’m not normal.


What's normal? Have you seen some of them NTs? Nothing normal about them.


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21 May 2024, 8:48 am

renaeden wrote:
FrostBender wrote:
I want to go under electroshock therapy like john elder robison did. To get the normal parts of the brain switched on. However I don’t have the funds for it.
I didn't know John Elder Robison had ECT. I wonder why he had it. I've had it too, about six months after I joined WP. I had eight sessions in total and it made me happier for a while but it had no effect on my autism. Not even a little bit. The reason I had it was because I had deep depression that medication didn't fix. Two psychiatrists had to approve it and I had to sign a form that listed the risks.

In short, ECT has no effect on autism.

Based on his story, I deduced that it had affected his alexithymia -- a very common thing amongst autistics that affects areas in emotions and empathy, not his 'autism' -- but definitely altered his own emotional, social, sensory and cognitive profile.

It just not told that it's alexithymia, and was told that it's the stereotypical autistic 'insensitivity' of aspergers. :roll: At least it is acknowledged that it's a spectrum; that not all autistics are like this. But that's usually not where readers are paying attention.

I'm not sure if it's due to his upbringing, his personality trait, his trauma or part of his sensory and cognitive profile (insensitivity related).

As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't affect autism itself at all.
More like he didn't 'switched on' his attunement to emotions and 'became more empathetic and NT' -- he 'switched off' his alexithymia and had gained more insight to the human fundamentals that an aged and experienced autistic would benefit in understanding NTs and humans overall.


And deep meditative states, if deep enough, CAN change a person's perspective over humanity.

In fact, this is one of the major ways I gained insight over humans and humanity and one of my major sudden changes -- but instead of ECT, it's just dumb luck over a successful meditation session with random binarual music.
And gave me this weirdest week of my life -- actually becoming a literal empath that feels so, so, many things that I'm so sure it isn't me.

And -- unlike John who was a 50s something year old man who want to be 'more human' by treating his depression, I was a 24 year old overemotional woman who was so sick of herself for being 'too human'.


Heck -- I experienced the inversed myself which is turning down whatever made me too sensitive to emotions; and there are major alterations that needs at least a period of adjustment to a significant overnight change.


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21 May 2024, 12:10 pm

I've known since first grade that I was transgender but in the 1970s the cross dressing Klinger was ridiculed for wearing women's clothes. Basically a long running joke that cross dressers were to be mocked.

My wife knew but it never got any farther than wearing women's clothes that looked like men's clothes except for the buttons being on the wrong side. She concluded I had Apergers and suggested I get diagnosis and come to this forum!

When she passed I grew out my hair and began presenting increasingly more feminine.

I discovered the more feminine my appearance the more easily I socialized.
I concluded that trying to look like a guy put me in the uncanny valley between the two genders.

I have little difficulty socializing while presenting female!
I live in an extremely blue state where there are laws protecting gender equality.
More importantly my friends and neighbors are very acceptingl
More than accepting, as they love my flowering plants!
Last night a neighbor asked why I grew so many. Turns out that he also likes to go to Wickford Rhode Island!