I'm a lot pickier on who I'm friends with in my 30's.

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Joined: 22 May 2016
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 393

23 May 2024, 7:23 am

I have different problems than I used to. In my 20's, my issues were social skills, I had difficulty pleasing other people and I wanted other people to like me. And I've improved a lot in that regard.

But now, in my 30's, it's not just about if they like me, but do I like them.

Do they have a lot in common with me?
Do they inspire me in some way?
Do we have a strong shared interest?

If I wanted to, I could just sit at bars with friends, watch the game or whatever. It would just be an empty boring existence. I like working on projects. I like friends that can have conversations with on a deep level, intellectually and emotionally.

Time is limited. There's work + tasks I need to get done at home + learning new skills for a career + hobbies.


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Joined: 27 Apr 2024
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 389
Location: UK

23 May 2024, 1:19 pm

In a way I’m a bit the opposite. Since meeting my partner, who luckily I can have deep conversations with whenever I want, it’s become less important to meet that need through friends, so I am now happier having more casual friendships. I used to hate sitting around in bars, but now I’m ok with it (not too often though!)

I can definitely relate to time being short though! I’ve got more assertive as I’ve got older and have learnt not to waste time on people who will never like me.


Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,935

23 May 2024, 10:57 pm

A psychologist said that something is good with you if it is fine with you for the long term.

When I was younger (until Amy b***h and dena), I thought "beggars can't be choosers" and "monopolistic competition"

And I failed to assert my boundaries enough while annoying lil dipshits had the nerve to scrutinize and micromanage my every action and statement, while telling me that they were my "friends"

f**k Amy b***h

Now I realize that it doesn't sit well with me for "friends" that have the nerve to say "huh" and "what" instead of "excuse me "

And I sure as f**k do not want to have to nag any ass hole to say "excuse me"

Now that I am 41, exhausted all the time. Talking feels like way too much effort, s**t


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Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,762
Location: Stalag 13

09 Jun 2024, 5:43 am

I've always been very choosy with the people that I let into my life.

Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?


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Joined: 7 May 2024
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 411
Location: In Your Dumpster

09 Jun 2024, 6:38 pm

This is really valuable to read as a people pleaser in her 20s. I've gotten better about who I allow in my life, but I used to ignore so many red flags and internal discomfort signals in fear of hurting others feelings. Life is too short to distribute all of your energy to every single person

With feral regards,



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Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,787
Location: United Kingdom

09 Jun 2024, 7:29 pm

Yeah, I am the same. Nowadays I don't have much time for anything other than long-term friends.