Do any of you not like stuff your friends say to you?

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Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 13 Feb 2020
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01 Jun 2024, 3:17 pm

I was crying and I think maybe I mentioned self esteem to my good friend on the phone. She said I shouldn't be hard on my myself and I haven't like it in the past when she has said similar things like self compassion for example and I mentioned to her I don't have good self esteem and I find it to complex to have self compassion aka self esteem. How do any of deal with not liking things that other people say or with self compassion in general?


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02 Jun 2024, 12:34 am

Usually, I let them be.

My usual approach is inversion; that it says more about them than it is about me.

How much they cared, yet how much they understand.
How much they went through, how much they put a lot of thought into it.
And how much was this is just a script that they assumed that is what others want to hear or if that's what she wanted to hear for herself...

I never learnt self compassion and liking complements either. I'm an overall negative person...
I don't do affirmations and gratitude.

But I got enough self respect and an ego to know better than accept less pleasant things...
Only I get to choose if something what they judge as bad is something I have to change for myself.

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02 Jun 2024, 11:40 am

Anyone could say anything but not everyone is having sex with the boss

Freedom of speech

Agree to disagree

Quite frankly in my (unpopular) opinion, almost everyone I have ever interacted with, acts like they have *confidence not proportional to competence*. I think almost everyone has way too much self esteem and self compassion, and almost everyone is way too full of themselves. They can get away with their arrogance because usually when they make mistakes they don't get a proportionate punishment, but usually when they do something good they get disproportionate rewards. I think that when I get correctly or wrongly accused of doing something bad or wrong, usually I get a disproportionate punishment, and when I do something good, I usually don't get a proportionate reward.

(The preceding paragraph is just my opinion. Most people do not agree with me. My opinion is not a fact, a law, a geometric proof, an algebraic axiom, a social norms, or anything like that.). Different people have different opinions and perspectives.

You don't have to listen to them, but they can say whatever they want.


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Joined: 27 Oct 2014
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02 Jun 2024, 11:45 am

Self-compassion isn't the same as self-esteem.

Self-compassion is the behaviour of choosing to not beat-up on yourself and instead be compassionate, like you'd do for other people if they were in that situation.

Self-compassion can build self-esteem, mostly because it's a conscious effort to stop destroying your self-esteem.

When your friends see you (metaphorically) punching yourself in the face they have an obligation to try to get you to stop punching yourself in the face. If you don't like people telling you to stop punching yourself in the face, don't do it in front of them.

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