College a better place to hook up

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MoeTrashPanda
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08 Jun 2024, 11:38 am

blitzkrieg wrote:

Sometimes people ask about another persons relationship status simply out of curiosity. I remember I did this to someone online a long time ago and they seemed to get mad and they thought I was asking with some ulterior motive, when really I was just trying to gather social information, without any real purpose or motivation.



Ahhh that makes sense! I didn't even think of that, and it seems like a valid thing to ask! I wonder if she has had a bad experience or something in the past. I guess it boils down to intentions, and how the inquirer asks the question, along with how the inquirer responds to the answer. Sounds like you were very respectful about it! From all the posts I've seen you make, you have always been nice to people ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ♡ . I also ask about people's relationship status out of curiosity/context!

Here's an example in my opinion of what not to do:
When I was 19 I had a much older guy (probably later 20s, early 30s) come up to me at work and say some really uncomfortable and creepy things to me ("you're just so dang cute I want to just grab you and squeeze your little cheeks" and he gestured in the air like he was grabbing my cheeks and kissing them). When I said I had a boyfriend he said "oh really, are you sure about that'd? Where is he?"

I think it's valid to ask if someone has a partner, but they also have to be respectful about it. It's honestly probably better to ask first before assuming and jumping into creepy comments.

blitzkrieg wrote:
Cat calling seems out of date and unfashionable in the current political climate, but it seems that there are men who still do it according to the reports of some female members of WP.


Agreed! It totally is, and seems to still happen unfortunately. :?


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babybird
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08 Jun 2024, 11:39 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
babybird wrote:
What's cat calling

It’s when strangers whistle at you, hit on you without provocation, or make sexually suggestive remarks when you’re out and about. They often do it when they are driving, and you’re on the sidewalk.


Oh yeah I was thinking of wolf whistling


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MoeTrashPanda
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08 Jun 2024, 11:40 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
MatchboxVagabond wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
I think it’s typically a bit easier in college because there are lots of opportunities to meet new people/make new friends and you already have built-in things to talk about - classes, professors, stressful projects, midterms, etc.

Yes, and it's also worth noting that only a very, very small portion of the women that initiate contact with men are doing so for the purpose of being hit on. There are a lot of other reasons for the contact.

That’s true. I never initiated contact with men because I wanted to be hit on. I talked to them in the interest of friendship/being friendly. I had zero interest in hooking up since I’m more of a relationship kind of woman. Of course, sometimes friendships can develop into something more which can be true when it comes to meeting people at just about any locale.


This!! ^^


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blitzkrieg
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08 Jun 2024, 11:44 am

MoeTrashPanda wrote:
Ahhh that makes sense! I didn't even think of that, and it seems like a valid thing to ask! I wonder if she has had a bad experience or something in the past. I guess it boils down to intentions, and how the inquirer asks the question, along with how the inquirer responds to the answer. Sounds like you were very respectful about it! From all the posts I've seen you make, you have always been nice to people ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ♡ . I also ask about people's relationship status out of curiosity/context!


Thank you Moe! I do try to be nice to people or get along with them the best I can. That is my general attitude anyways. :)

I was respectful about it, me and this person had exchanged 15 messages or so and I hadn't said anything out of place or inappropriate that I could detect, and certainly nothing that would lead the person to believe I was being anything other than friendly with them in a non-sexual way.

MoeTrashPanda wrote:
Here's an example in my opinion of what not to do:
When I was 19 I had a much older guy (probably later 20s, early 30s) come up to me at work and say some really uncomfortable and creepy things to me ("you're just so dang cute I want to just grab you and squeeze your little cheeks" and he gestured in the air like he was grabbing my cheeks and kissing them). When I said I had a boyfriend he said "oh really, are you sure about that'd? Where is he?"

I think it's valid to ask if someone has a partner, but they also have to be respectful about it. It's honestly probably better to ask first before assuming and jumping into creepy comments.


Ah yeah, from what you describe, the guy does sound like a creep there.

MoeTrashPanda wrote:
Agreed! It totally is, and seems to still happen unfortunately. :?


Yeah, hopefully it will stop altogether at some point.



Last edited by blitzkrieg on 08 Jun 2024, 11:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

TwilightPrincess
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08 Jun 2024, 11:48 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
MoeTrashPanda wrote:
Ahhh that makes sense! I didn't even think of that, and it seems like a valid thing to ask! I wonder if she has had a bad experience or something in the past. I guess it boils down to intentions, and how the inquirer asks the question, along with how the inquirer responds to the answer. Sounds like you were very respectful about it! From all the posts I've seen you make, you have always been nice to people ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ♡ . I also ask about people's relationship status out of curiosity/context!


Thank you Moe! I do try to be nice to people or get along with them the best I can. That is my general attitude anyways. :)

I was respectful about it, me and this person has exchanged 15 messages or so and I hadn't said anything out of place or inappropriate that I could detect, and certainly nothing that would lead the person to believe I was being anything other than friendly with them in a platonic way.

Perhaps the issue wasn’t solely related to those PMs. It could’ve been about something else entirely or some combination of factors. It’s hard to say without fully knowing the entire situation.


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blitzkrieg
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08 Jun 2024, 11:49 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
MoeTrashPanda wrote:
Ahhh that makes sense! I didn't even think of that, and it seems like a valid thing to ask! I wonder if she has had a bad experience or something in the past. I guess it boils down to intentions, and how the inquirer asks the question, along with how the inquirer responds to the answer. Sounds like you were very respectful about it! From all the posts I've seen you make, you have always been nice to people ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ♡ . I also ask about people's relationship status out of curiosity/context!


Thank you Moe! I do try to be nice to people or get along with them the best I can. That is my general attitude anyways. :)

I was respectful about it, me and this person has exchanged 15 messages or so and I hadn't said anything out of place or inappropriate that I could detect, and certainly nothing that would lead the person to believe I was being anything other than friendly with them in a platonic way.

Perhaps the issue wasn’t solely related to those PMs. It could’ve been about something else entirely or some combination of factors. It’s hard to say without fully knowing the entire situation.


I think this happened in 2022 or something, so it was a while back and the member in question doesn't post here anymore.



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08 Jun 2024, 11:52 am

MoeTrashPanda wrote:
I think it's valid to ask if someone has a partner, but they also have to be respectful about it. It's honestly probably better to ask first before assuming and jumping into creepy comments.



I don't think creepy comments should be jumped into whether the person has a partner or not.
Their partnership status is irrelevant imo.


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TwilightPrincess
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08 Jun 2024, 11:56 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
MoeTrashPanda wrote:
Ahhh that makes sense! I didn't even think of that, and it seems like a valid thing to ask! I wonder if she has had a bad experience or something in the past. I guess it boils down to intentions, and how the inquirer asks the question, along with how the inquirer responds to the answer. Sounds like you were very respectful about it! From all the posts I've seen you make, you have always been nice to people ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ♡ . I also ask about people's relationship status out of curiosity/context!


Thank you Moe! I do try to be nice to people or get along with them the best I can. That is my general attitude anyways. :)

I was respectful about it, me and this person has exchanged 15 messages or so and I hadn't said anything out of place or inappropriate that I could detect, and certainly nothing that would lead the person to believe I was being anything other than friendly with them in a platonic way.

Perhaps the issue wasn’t solely related to those PMs. It could’ve been about something else entirely or some combination of factors. It’s hard to say without fully knowing the entire situation.


I think this happened in 2022 or something, so it was a while back and the member in question doesn't post here anymore.

If we are thinking of the same person, I don’t really blame her.


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blitzkrieg
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08 Jun 2024, 11:58 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
MoeTrashPanda wrote:
Ahhh that makes sense! I didn't even think of that, and it seems like a valid thing to ask! I wonder if she has had a bad experience or something in the past. I guess it boils down to intentions, and how the inquirer asks the question, along with how the inquirer responds to the answer. Sounds like you were very respectful about it! From all the posts I've seen you make, you have always been nice to people ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ♡ . I also ask about people's relationship status out of curiosity/context!


Thank you Moe! I do try to be nice to people or get along with them the best I can. That is my general attitude anyways. :)

I was respectful about it, me and this person has exchanged 15 messages or so and I hadn't said anything out of place or inappropriate that I could detect, and certainly nothing that would lead the person to believe I was being anything other than friendly with them in a platonic way.

Perhaps the issue wasn’t solely related to those PMs. It could’ve been about something else entirely or some combination of factors. It’s hard to say without fully knowing the entire situation.


I think this happened in 2022 or something, so it was a while back and the member in question doesn't post here anymore.

If we are thinking of the same person, I don’t really blame her.


I gave you a pretty big clue there, and I imagine we are thinking about the same person.



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08 Jun 2024, 12:00 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
MoeTrashPanda wrote:
I think it's valid to ask if someone has a partner, but they also have to be respectful about it. It's honestly probably better to ask first before assuming and jumping into creepy comments.



I don't think creepy comments should be jumped into whether the person has a partner or not.
Their partnership status is irrelevant imo.


Oop! I totally agree. Poor wording on my end!!


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TwilightPrincess
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08 Jun 2024, 12:01 pm

^^ I suspect that if she were to give her side of the situation it would look a bit different and be a bit more understandable. It’s rather unfair to allude to it when she’s not around.


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08 Jun 2024, 12:04 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
^^ I suspect that if she were to give her side of the situation it would look a bit different and be a bit more understandable. It’s rather unfair to allude to it when she’s not around.


I am happy to not discuss the issue further.



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08 Jun 2024, 12:06 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
MatchboxVagabond wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
I think it’s typically a bit easier in college because there are lots of opportunities to meet new people/make new friends and you already have built-in things to talk about - classes, professors, stressful projects, midterms, etc.

Yes, and it's also worth noting that only a very, very small portion of the women that initiate contact with men are doing so for the purpose of being hit on. There are a lot of other reasons for the contact.

That’s true. I never initiated contact with men because I wanted to be hit on. I talked to them in the interest of friendship/being friendly. I had zero interest in hooking up since I’m more of a relationship kind of woman. Of course, sometimes friendships can develop into something more which can be true when it comes to meeting people at just about any locale.

It certainly happens, but in my experience, and from what I've heard from others, it's usually just friendliness or normal civility, it's usually not actual romantic interest.

Personally, I'd rather women just be out with it if that's actually what they're wanting, because it confuses people and leads to a lot of unwanted advances as the men folk are stuck trying to guess what this stuff means.



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08 Jun 2024, 12:07 pm

Back on topic:

College hook-up culture is probably a lot different in the UK than it is in the US. UK males tend to be more reserved than their American counterparts, I think, and not as entitled, although there are exceptions to this norm' as with anybody or anything.



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08 Jun 2024, 12:09 pm

MatchboxVagabond wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
MatchboxVagabond wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
I think it’s typically a bit easier in college because there are lots of opportunities to meet new people/make new friends and you already have built-in things to talk about - classes, professors, stressful projects, midterms, etc.

Yes, and it's also worth noting that only a very, very small portion of the women that initiate contact with men are doing so for the purpose of being hit on. There are a lot of other reasons for the contact.

That’s true. I never initiated contact with men because I wanted to be hit on. I talked to them in the interest of friendship/being friendly. I had zero interest in hooking up since I’m more of a relationship kind of woman. Of course, sometimes friendships can develop into something more which can be true when it comes to meeting people at just about any locale.

It certainly happens, but in my experience, and from what I've heard from others, it's usually just friendliness or normal civility, it's usually not actual romantic interest.

Personally, I'd rather women just be out with it if that's actually what they're wanting, because it confuses people and leads to a lot of unwanted advances as the men folk are stuck trying to guess what this stuff means.
Much of the time, they don’t know they want a relationship right away. Sometimes they want to get to know someone first and see if they’re at all compatible. They could decide that they just like someone as a friend because there’s no spark or whatever even if they had been open to the idea of something more developing.


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08 Jun 2024, 5:24 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
People aren't supposed to hook up with colleagues.
Most places will fire employees for it.

I’m sure that it varies from country to country. Every place that I worked at had no rules against it.
My jobs had rules against supervisors being in relationships with employees who work in their departments. Otherwise official policies were more about sexual harassment & not having drama at work. However my supervisor had a bit of drama with women he tried dating in other departments but he worked a lot of overtime when allowed due to our department being shorthanded so he didn't really have a chance to meet women other ways till he tried internet dating. I think the drama was caused more by the women he dated because they had some issues, were a bit yonger than him, & they seemed to initiate the relationship. I wished I had his attention with women even if the women did have their issues. I think I mighta handled some things better than him. The three jobs I had were federal minimum-wage things though & lots of employees didn't stay long anyway.

I do think it may be easier for lots of people to hook up & date during college for reasons that have already been mentioned. However I think it would have been easier for me to maintain a relationship while I was working than if I had gone to college assuming I would have had a relationship in both situations. People are more likely to be into partying & hooking up during college than having more serious relationships. A bit of those relationships end when the students graduate & have job opportunities that involve relocating. Plus I think working was better for my mental health than college woulda been due to my learning problems. My jobs were more routine & predictable than school was. Having 6 or 7 different subjects in a day with different teachers who had different teaching styles, then having to take tests & having assignments or homework that required me to do things at home on my personal time :tired:


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