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Joined: 2 Aug 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,135
Location: Kent, UK

09 Jun 2024, 11:26 am

I do know that my dad's parents had him when they were in their early 20s and probably in their mid 20s when my uncle was born but my dad didn't have me and my sister until his late 20s/early 30s and my uncle had his kids in his early/mid 30s but none of them had any kids at the same time that my grandparents did. For some reason, I seem to feel have ''wasted'' precious time because when I was 21, having kids was never on my mind and nor was it in mid-20s, late 20s and early 30s. My sister had her son at 26.

I do read how research suggests that it is obviously better especially for women to have kids in their 20s as they are more fertile but I seem to think that most even famous women probably didn't have kids at a very early age nowadays but the research seems to come across as though it's a ''waste of a person's life'' or a ''wasted opportunity'' not to settle down early and have kids early and instead do it 10 or more years later and I feel that's one of the reasons I feel as though even for a man, I sometimes have this self-imposing pressure making out as though time is ''running out'' despite never really been in a relationship despite the fact I have been out with a couple of people and but one didn't want a relationship with me and the other I didn't really want one with her because I felt it was too soon.


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Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 71,030
Location: Chez Quis

09 Jun 2024, 3:11 pm

Unless you were financially secure and in a stable relationship with another responsible parent, I doubt age 21 would have been the right time for you to have or adopt a child. That's considered quite young these days especially if you're still dependent on your parents. It can work sometimes for teenagers or people in their young 20s but it's a huge commitment with no turning back.

I also think a person shouldn't have children just because they think they "should". Imo there needs to be a better reason and more thoughtful planning, no matter how old the person is.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.