I notice a lot of posts on this forum are just Vents

Post Reply New Topic

I notice a really common pattern in this community.

People ask for advice.

Then they get several comments with constructive advice, but rarely engage with them. (Or maybe they just praise the 1 comment that agrees with them, and ignore all the others).

And then the same people make more and more threads over the years asking the same kinds of questions, when they weren't really considering the advice they were getting on the previous threads they asked.

I noticed that these kinds of posts aren't just a narrow slice of this forum, but a large portion of it.

I've viewed this forum for about 10-15 years.

I'm not sure the culture here was always like this, and I just noticed now. Or if this is a recent development.

Been there done that.

Sometimes advice that seems helpful may not address everything, tbh. There is stuff that's difficult to communicate over strictly text.

But also.... sometimes want complain.

Even more still.... sometimes need vent but not looking for advice. Just need to scream into the void, or look for people to understand, rather than give advice.... if that makes sense.

Is this thread for venting about other people venting?

I've noticed this too. There used to be this one person CONSTANANTALY complaining about therapists are just there to help the parents, not the children...he was kinda right but basically made the same post every other day repeating himself.

Honestly? It's really annoying to post about the same thing over and over, receive advice, and then continue to make the exact same post with different wording. You don't want to get better, you just want to get asspats and be coddled.

It's okay if people need to do this. No one should judge why someone posts something even if we don't think they are making the "progress" we think they should be making with the advice given. Sometimes people need to do this because that is how they need to do to process whatever they are going through. We all process what we are going through in whatever ways work for us. If you don't like repetitive threads, you don't have to respond to them. Let's refrain from judgment and just be okay if people need to do this. Maybe the need to vent. Maybe they are not ready to take advice yet in where they are cognitively with their situation. Maybe they have certain difficulties with certain kinds of executive functioning. We don't know what they are going through and what they need to do to get through it. It's all ok, if it's what they need. If you want to engage in the thread then that's great, if you don't, that's completely fine too.

Because this is a support forum.
(Yes, I'm eye rolling)

Plenty of posts I expected that it should be on Haven, half the time it's in this section or elsewhere.


Shall I report every venting thread and anything to do with emotional processing to move it all into Haven section where they'll be validated and sympathized?

Where they grieve, vent, and whatever -- no judgment, no criticism, no negativity?
Just resonance, sympathy, empathy, whatever...

Emotional processing and reasoning over situations, not solutions, advices and constructive criticisms...

Conversely, there replies in Haven that are judgmental, egocentric, toxic or flat out PPR...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

It's a lot less effort to just vent than to have to consider advice and then attempt to implement it.

I feel bad for the people who do this because I don't like the thought of them feeling that no one cares.

But also there are limits to the number of times you can respond to the same question, especially when the poster doesn't engage with the answers they receive, just starts a new thread on essentially the same subject.

I hope that for them its the posting of the questions that's therapeutic, and the suggestions or lack of them isn't that important.

True, but I think I just got a long time poster to finally see the light!

You may have limits but some of us are built differently.

Sometimes the suggestions that people give don't apply to our situations. But people want us to take their suggestions because it makes them feel good that they are "helping" us. I know for me, sometimes my brain keeps seeking for the answers but the answers aren't there. They don't actually exist. It's hard for people to understand that. But my brain will keep asking looking for answers that don't actually exist. People get frustrated with me because they give me advice but the advice isn't applicable because my situation is not what they think it is. So I can't take the advice because it's not only not going to help but it can actually harm me. But it's really difficult for people to understand that. But my brain never stops looking for solutions so it repeats the questions a lot of the times. That really frustrates people around me so I have to be careful and not allow people to know what I need.

I see a lot of those threads. They're ok. Most people including NT just want to vent sometimes. It's an temporary thing and they weren't looking for advice. They wanted someone to listen. I've done some venting myself and appreciated the replies very much.

I do think if someone's posts are persistently negative over a long period of time they should seek help. They likely are suffering from mood disorders, physical ailments or are abused or neglected. That's not something an online forum can fix.

I agree. Sometimes people just need to be heard. They might not be emotionally ready to change their situation yet or they might not be capable of changing it for whatever reason that we don't know about. That's why we shouldn't judge. We just don't know what their actual situation really is. We only know what they say in a few sentences online.