How do you guys handle misunderstandings with NTs?

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I help manage my church food pantry. I absolutely cannot multitask so when I get focused on a task then get interrupted my thought train skips off the track for a few minutes; I usually appear grumpy when this happens but it’s almost never directed at anyone.

I’ve been told by some NTs that I should apologize for every instance of this sort of misunderstanding. In response to this I always explain that I can’t control how people react to me and if I continuously apologized the ultimate result would be me just masking which causes me more stress and that I go to great lengths already to understand NT behavior.(apparently this explanation is taken as a lecture?)

The thing is I know the NTs I’ve talked to about this mean well, but they believe it’s still all on me to address these things which I don’t think is fair to any autistic person.

I’m not looking for excuses to be rude, i’m genuinely curious how other Autistic people handle this sort of thing.

Important question. Hard to answer. We are all struggling to figure it out.

In a misunderstanding both parties should apologize (even if you dont think its your fault). And in my experience with customers in stores working retail... both parties sometimes actually do do that (me and the customer)!

In that situation you outlined I would say "I am sorry. I had a temporary brain-fart...what were you saying?"with a smile. And then carry on with finishing the distracting conversation and then go back to your task.

I myself dont go around publicly identifying as "autistic" (not saying you should or shouldnt). Even if I did I wouldnt launch into a lecture about it.

A lady manager of a store my company was serving (we are an inventory counting company that serves retail store chains ) actually IDed herself as ADHD, and actually said "must be my ADHD...this is over whelming me" in front of both us and her own staff. I guess she was able to get away with that. Amazed me. Am both a male and of an older generation so ...cant imagine myself talking like that in a job situation.

I really don't see what you have to apologize for. It sounds like you are doing them a favour helping them out at the church and they should be more grateful.

If I get into a bad mood with someone without meaning to, I will often just say “sorry I was grumpy”

It’s ok to just apologise like that without an explanation. Usually people can understand that you were stressed, and are happy to learn that you being grumpy is not an attack on them personally.

Maybe everytime this happens you could say: "Sorry! I didn't mean to sound grumpy but I lose focus when I'm interrupted." Hopefully this will sink in and after some time people will stop interrupting you.

I think it's great you're helping the church. Rather than outright apologizing every time, you could say you got sidetracked for a moment, or even change the subject.

Depends on the misunderstanding.

Most of which are to do with auditory processing or language processing than just communication.
I mustn't come off as someone too reliable; because my language processing simply isn't.

If I have a choice, I'd rather be known as someone who may not know the language well or half deaf and clever by half (because I like them shmucks bait), than someone who's "difficult to talk to" or "unreasonable".


If it's an honest mistake from me, I will apologize.

If it's not a mistake from me, I'll see if I have the patience to repeat myself.

If it's neutral, depends whether I would run with it or correct it.
Some misunderstandings gave me privileges, some do the opposite and just reveals what kind of people they are.

If it's a joke, depends on my initial mood and how fast it might switch if I feel easily offended that moment or not.

If it's something serious, I'll definately defend myself and fight it than let it all happen.

If it's very much to do with emotional lability and body language, I'd rather remove myself; forget apologizing because it won't work in my case.
Because frankly, I'd rather deal with language based miscommunications than being 'too open', creating unintentional reactions that I never want nor anticipate on top of whatever emotionality BS I have to deal with, wishing I have a poker face than an emotionally reactive one.

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Alternatively, be someone who looks like a grump but 'is just shy, friendly and reasonable underneath' than a 'ticking bomb'.

However, it's hard to pull it off individually.

It may require being dependent on someone for your reputation, speaking for you to some extent.
Usually people (with enough rep and cred to be able to assure others) who can see past the expression or are brave enough to ignore perceived (based on a misunderstanding) risks.

That's how one can set a relationship dynamic before it even started.
Less chance of 'having to apologize' because you're just 'you' and you're not doing something intentionally, with chances that other people might talk for you to quell whatever misunderstanding.


Like, yeah, if it's emotional based, I'd rather stomp it down before it ever happen.
But that requires luck; in which other people are paving it for you.

Again, it's hard to pull it off.
It also requires an acquaintance or a network of acquaintances who all knew better then meet whatever targeted people/individual before they meet you.
And not a lot of NTs even have that, let alone autistics.

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I really wish NTs would understand Autism. It NOT fair to us if someone misunderstood something.

I had one yesterday. My therapist prepped me on what to do during the stage when I didn't know it was a misunderstanding. Her advice worked really well even though she freaked me out by warning me that most NTs will tell white lies.

I had to step WAY out of my comfort zone to deal with it. Then I found out it was a misunderstanding after all, on the other party's fault, and then I had to tell them they were wrong. More out-of-comfort-zonism.

It all worked out great until it didn't, but that was the fault of a fellow autist.

TL;DR: Balance your needs with empathetic communication to manage misunderstandings and create a harmonious environment.

It's commendable that you are dedicated to managing the church food pantry and striving to understand different perspectives. Workplace conflicts often arise from misunderstandings, especially when communication styles differ. Here are some insights that might help address your concerns:

1. Common Types of Workplace Conflict:
- Task-Based Conflicts: Disagreements about how to perform a task or the priorities of different tasks.
- Interpersonal Conflicts: Clashes due to differing personalities, communication styles, or misunderstandings.
- Role Conflicts: Unclear expectations or responsibilities leading to friction.

2. Common Conflict Styles:
- Avoiding: Steering clear of the conflict altogether.
- Accommodating: Putting the other person's needs above one's own.
- Competing: Asserting one's own needs at the expense of others.
- Compromising: Finding a middle ground.
- Collaborating: Working together to find a win-win solution.

3. Degree of Perspective Taking:
- It's important to consider how the other person might feel and why they might react in a certain way. This can help in finding a balanced approach to conflict resolution.

4. Effort at Empathy:
- Showing that you understand and value the other person's feelings can go a long way. For instance, acknowledging that interruptions are challenging for you and explaining your reaction without making it about the other person's actions.

5. Valuing Self:
- It's crucial to maintain your own mental health and not overextend yourself by constantly apologizing. Setting boundaries and explaining your needs can help others understand your perspective without feeling criticized.

6. Valuing the Other:
- While you explain your needs, also appreciate their perspective and the intention behind their advice. This can foster mutual respect and understanding.

When you feel grumpy due to interruptions, it might help to calmly communicate that you need a moment to refocus. For example, saying, "I need a minute to get back on track, but I'm here to help you right after," can convey your needs without seeming dismissive.

By balancing your need for focus with empathetic communication, you can reduce misunderstandings and create a more harmonious environment.