Being attractive to bypass need for masking?

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FrostBender
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27 Jul 2024, 9:31 am

A lot of you are telling me that I’ll burn myself out if I keep pretending to be NT. What if I just work on being physically attractive? Then maybe society will forgive me if I act too ND in public.



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27 Jul 2024, 11:14 am

Sadly it’s true, people are more accepting of attractive people. It’s not fair, but that’s how the world works.

Also if you feel attractive, you will tend to feel more confident in yourself, and that can give a positive feedback loop of people being drawn to you even more.

I think it’s better to do things for your own interest though, rather than just trying to impress other people. For example, if you want to get fitter, it’s more motivating to do this for your own healthiness, rather than just to look good for others.



honeytoast
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27 Jul 2024, 11:34 am

But didn't you say ND people were ugly? :lol:


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27 Jul 2024, 12:10 pm

Being attractive makes a big difference if you're looking for romantic companionship. Some people will decide to hook up with another person on first sight, simply because they like how that person looks. They may not be that concerned about social skills etc. Which if you're autistic, might not be such a bad thing. You can have a romantic partner and avoid loneliness, but not otherwise have to deal with "friends" if you don't have the emotional energy for that.


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FrostBender
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27 Jul 2024, 12:15 pm

I figured, if things don't work out with my girlfriend, if I'm attractive enough, I can get another one easily.



FrostBender
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27 Jul 2024, 12:17 pm

MaxE wrote:
Being attractive makes a big difference if you're looking for romantic companionship. Some people will decide to hook up with another person on first sight, simply because they like how that person looks. They may not be that concerned about social skills etc. Which if you're autistic, might not be such a bad thing. You can have a romantic partner and avoid loneliness, but not otherwise have to deal with "friends" if you don't have the emotional energy for that.

If I become rich enough with my job, I can buy friends.



FrostBender
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27 Jul 2024, 3:23 pm

honeytoast wrote:
But didn't you say ND people were ugly? :lol:

Most are, since they don't follow NT beauty standards.



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27 Jul 2024, 3:28 pm

I think focusing on being attractive in a broader sense than just physically, but charming, intelligent, kind hearted and funny, is definitely a strategy that works for an autistic male if you got what it takes to pull it off. Women tend to be rather forgiving about slightly odd behaviour and minor exhibitions of social clumsiness as long as they find you attractive and overall a well meaning good guy. In my experience making - and maintaining - friends takes a lot more social skills and masking than getting women romanticly interested.


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funeralxempire
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27 Jul 2024, 3:33 pm

FrostBender wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
But didn't you say ND people were ugly? :lol:

Most are, since they don't follow NT beauty standards.


If you're physically attractive you can reject a lot of typical beauty standards without consequence.


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FrostBender
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27 Jul 2024, 3:45 pm

You can do anything if you're attractive and NT.



funeralxempire
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27 Jul 2024, 3:57 pm

FrostBender wrote:
You can do anything if you're attractive and NT.


NTs tend to be kinda inhibited so I'm not sure they actually can.

It takes a mix of attractiveness, charisma and being uninhibited that really lets you do anything, but even then it will catch up to you if you keep stepping on the wrong toes.


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27 Jul 2024, 9:30 pm

Bypassing the need for masking requires more than just being attractive and charisma.

Indeed it needs a degree of less inhibition (it is more or less the point) but one shouldn't be so foolish while at it.


It's way more complex than just looks and pretty privilege that shifts lame, awkward and obnoxious to shy, cute and quirky.

Not even being rich with a high power job on top of it.
Not even being saved by connections and rep.


And it might not be possible done alone or as an individual.

One needs the right time, the right place...
It's not even as simple as knowing and blending (may defeat the purpose) with the culture and their people.

It had to be way deeper than that, done even before one steps foot on their targeted audience if possible.


Also yes, it's possible.

If fact, that's how I basically live; in a limbo of sorts that is not infantilizing also do not doubt the fact that I need support.
That I'm independent yet also not an NT that it can scare anyone ignorant enough to assume 'what' I am.



Lastly, bypassing the need for masking requires more than just courage and needing leniency; that's for kids. :lol:
If you are developmentally delayed badly enough, yeah go on and don't be scared.

For adults?
One needs something way, waaay deeper than that.
Or way even more shallow yet happened to gone right and it's on them yet no deception is involved but luck sure did.


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28 Jul 2024, 1:20 pm

There's no point in reasoning with op, he is a miserable human being who refuses to accept being autistic and thinks deliberately causing a car accident because someone supposedly tail-gated him is something to be proud of.

That is psychopathy, and it makes me fearful that he might actually kill people. And the last thing we need is yet another horror story about an autistic person being violent and dangerous that the media will spread like a disease.



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28 Jul 2024, 1:51 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
There's no point in reasoning with op, he is a miserable human being who refuses to accept being autistic and thinks deliberately causing a car accident because someone supposedly tail-gated him is something to be proud of.

That is psychopathy, and it makes me fearful that he might actually kill people. And the last thing we need is yet another horror story about an autistic person being violent and dangerous that the media will spread like a disease.

:lol: If one is a psychopath 'in need of bypassing masking' yet still be sociable, they will fail.

If one is on going towards sociopathy while at it, they already failed the entire premise of bypassing the need for masking.



The stereotype of psychopathic autistic killers and shooters is getting old. :roll: Seriously.

And if the OP would end up eventually tried or did something illegal, then OP never listened to me. :lol:

Let him pay for whatever for whatever consequences.

And would someone so self denying admit and scream 'I am Autistic!! !' would that help this person or did any help for him?

Nope. :P All I will say to someone who already don't want to be labeled autistic is that autism is not a get out of jail card.

As per the system abroad so far did, no.
And as per OP's own sentiment, fear and hate being associated with the label, unlikely.

Better yet; encourage such individuals to hide their records from being dug becomes an even more better path whether or not this one is planning on doing something stupid or not if possibility of representation is concerned.



OP's purpose remains in this forum; looking for autistics who sees their autism as a curse and all the problems with it.

It ain't me, it ain't most members in this forum clearly.

And it's not the autism warrior parents or cure seeking caretakers, not frustrated young men from the whatever misogynistic echo chamber communities with seemingly similar sentiments..


I shall repeat this statement from your's truly; :o Emotional Processing is a fricking nuisance.

And the OP's post is more or less a part of what I'm talking about.
And anyone who replies to anyone to 'get help' or 'get over it' applies.


Lastly, I don't care if the OP is a sock puppet or some troll whose purpose is to trigger many people as possible -- because he's not the only person who reads threads. :lol:

And I'm bored.


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28 Jul 2024, 3:38 pm

I think being well groomed smart and clean is a step in the right direction for anyone


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28 Jul 2024, 3:51 pm

You don't need to be attractive or rich, nor will that get you what you want. It's completely the wrong thing to focus on.

Focus on being kind and decent. From what you've been writing on this forum, you have a lot of work to do.