reclusive

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Past three days, did not have to work.

Stayed home the entire time. Exception: jogging, library, ranch 99, trader joe's.

Sick, tired, and bored of everyone and everything, especially myself.

expand comfort zone

exhausted all the time

All three days, two hours after waking up, took a one hour nap.

Zero symptoms. Zero physical pain. Just exhausted.

Have to be close to a litterbox @ all times. Today's bowel movements: 29, 35, 23, 32 minutes. Supposed to get a colonoscopy, but I do not have a driver, do not have $$$$, & there is no way I could fast for three days before the colonoscopy.

Did not talk to anyone today or yesterday.

Sunday, only answered cashiers' questions.

Wish I had real "friends". Not some lil dipshits that have the nerve to judge my intelligence and expect a "thank you", and say "huh" and "what" instead of "excuse me." Dena had the nerve to tell me that she "felt used" b/c she drove me home from aikido a couple times, three weeks ago. f**k that b***h. Meanwhile, Dena did all sorts of "volunteering" for kayla b***h just b/c "she's a good teacher". (rolls eyes). (Teaching, WordPress, bookkeeping, janitorial).

Just too tired to stand around talking and s**t.

Sooner or later, will have to get a second job. Prices skyrocketing since coronavirus. Do not have a car, "friends", or job skills. s**t.

My worthless corpse is just a disaster waiting to keep happening.

Quit my job and as much as I said I would go out and excercise at least with a little morning walk each day, I have yet to take that walk and it's been 3 weeks....but to be fair a lot of that has had a bunch of smoke in the air due to wildfires or heat advisories out because it's so hot out so not exactly ideal conditions to go for a walk in.

Also I keep taking naps even though I have the whole day off, guess I was feeling bad about getting bullied out of my last job. But yeah I have been getting up in the morning, only to go back to bed for a bit for a nap, and then get up again later.

But then when I can make my own worthless corpse play a video game I like, some of that goes away at least temporarily, but just sometimes I am too depressed to do anything, even play a game. But then today I woke up with a little motivation but of course being female my monthly time struck so just staying in bed seemed like an option but of course I got bored of that once it got to be afternoon and I had done nothing with my day. So instead of going for a walk I got on Assasains creed Oddessy to go on adventures there in the ancient greek vs. sparta world as at least in that world there is not a wildfire burning in the next town over sending all it's smoke this way. Idk do you ever play video games? sometimes it is a good distraction when you feel like nothing is going your way....so long as you don't get so sucked in you avoid all responsibilities. LIke as much as I like video games If I have a job, if I stay up to late playing them well it's on me if it makes me tired at work.

after my folks kicked the bucket, i did largely the same. stayed home and slept all the time. for a long time i would only be able to make myself leave the house once per week for unavoidable acquisition of mandatory sundries. but to all things there is an end. all things must pass, the good as well as the bad. even existential hurt must end sometime.

I've gone weeks and months without speaking to anyone, or doing what you do at home. I only do online groceries, I don't go to libraries, and don't even put the trash out unless it's pitch dark. I don't answer my phone or watch TV. I'm getting better now that I see my mum to take care of her, and I have a more regular routine of when to see my partner. If it weren't for them I wouldn't leave the house ever.

aunt blabby and isabella

in some situations it is healthy to stay home. in some situations it is healthy or justified to go out.

how do you financially support yourselves?

I worked a full-time career for almost 25 years, at up to 50-60 hours a week.
That was while single parenting my kids from the time they were babies (daycare).
Then I burnt out and had a stroke so I went on work-paid long term disability.
After several years of that I finally retired in January.
Now I have a work pension (not government yet, I'm too young).

I think it's great that you get out as much as you do.
I hope I didn't sound critical.

I’m an old pensionado. If it weren’t for pension I’d be under a bridge somewhere as my body won’t any longer tolerate the hard labor jobs I had to subject it to for decades.

aunt blabby

maybe being reclusive is not as bad as the counseling industry makes it out to be.

especially nowadays with the Internet, work from home, and et cetera.

it saves me from a lot of hassle and trouble.