Gen-X: get early criticisms of not getting body language?
I mean, during your teens or even 20s pre-diagnosis (like in the 1980s or 90s before "Aspergers" or "the spectrum" entered the vernacular), did you EVER get any sort of criticism on school reports, from parents, neighbours, therapists etc. that "he/she doesn't understand non-verbal communication"??
Funnily enough, I never recall getting this criticism even once ! !! I was born in the mid-70s, and my school report card comments never said that I didn't understand body language; yet they made more symptomatic criticisms like "Jayo doesn't have any friends in the class" or "Jayo finds it hard to relate to others his age" or "is often in his own world and is unaware of what is going on around him."
But not once did it say "he has difficulty reading faces and intuiting someone's emotional state!!"
I suppose their comments were grounded in "neurocentricity"... and thus part of the now-famous "double empathy problem", in which they simply can't imagine someone who lacks the fluency of emotionally-based communication / non-verbal cues, so they point out the more surface flaws, almost like a desire to criticize (or victim-blame, or even vilify).
For those of who you are fans of TQM or Lean / Six Sigma, it's as if they didn't construct an "Ishikawa diagram" and determine the root cause, just looking at the surface stuff.
The comments I got from others like family, friends of family, neighbours, and therapists (with my parents in attendance in some instances) paralleled those...yet you would think that a so-called specialist would've pointed out that I answered a question literally that wasn't intended to be so, given their tone and expression.
But as I mentioned in a separate post years ago: I only found out at the "tender" age of 23 that nonverbal communication was of crucial importance by happenstance, in the summer of 1997 when I was out of uni/college and was desperate to find work - I went to one of those cheesy sales & marketing seminars at a hotel conference room with the "promise" of a job (ha, ha) and the speaker raved about how "up to 90% of communication is nonverbal" - with me thinking "no, no, that can't be right, that doesn't make sense..." and the other attendees nodding and saying, "yeah, I never really thought about it, but that TOTALLY makes sense!!"
THAT moment, one which was least expected, was the epiphany (not yet catharsis!), the turning point! It explained, especially, why women found me attractive (which I was according to others) and I had some good initial flirting success in clubs BUT would soon be mysteriously put off by me and make excuses to avoid me.
And by the turn of the millennium I had my proper diagnosis, but not after going thru a couple of incompetent youth psychiatrists who were likely only equipped for "normal people problems", like bereavement and breakup.
lostonearth35
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I would get criticized for saying inappropriate things without realizing they were, even as a teenager, for talking too loudly in public, for having poor coping skills, crying and having anxiety too much, not relating or socializing with my peers, and for being bad at math and most kinds of physical activity.
I don't recall ever being criticized for not understanding body language. People probably thought I was really good at it because the cartoons I drew showed a lot of expression. But that's because I was just mimicking what I saw in well-animated cartoons and not real people.
For those of who you are fans of TQM or Lean / Six Sigma, it's as if they didn't construct an "Ishikawa diagram" and determine the root cause, just looking at the surface stuff.
In my day it was "TQC program" It always bugged me that the word "total" allowed errors.
But one follows the numbers.
I was 17 and could (and did) shut down multi-million dollar production lines for things like delamination of a cardboard box corner, or a shipping container with a ding in the side.
I predate gen X, but identify as post boomer (we called ourselves the "blank" generation)
My partner came across my high school report cards a few weeks back and they had us laughing. My collated comments ran along the lines of "He has an inherent grasp of the subject but refuses to apply himself. Does not often participate in class discussion. Can be disruptive.
Often arrives at the correct answer without showing working."
I'm surprised the word "smartarse" wasn't prevalent.
At least my French teacher liked my pronunciation.
Oh...and I got an A for applied math, yet nearly failed pure math.
So I know at least one teacher didn't like me.
CockneyRebel
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I remember at Primary school I won a prize and got to choose a book from a selection.
I chose a book called "101 Games for One Player" which I loved... but the teacher told my parents she had concerns about me.
I never did (and still don't) see the problem with playing games by yourself.
(My parents were great, they told me not to worry about the teacher and play however I wanted.)
But yes, in those days there was no such thing as Aspergers or even HFA, we were just kids who were a bit different.
Oh, I remember more now.
Yeah there was the biology teacher who used to talk so much and I could never keep up. Everyone else was answering her rapid-fire questions and I was just sitting there with my mouth hanging open trying to work out what was going on.
So one day she made me stay back and gave me an individual test, which to her perplexity I aced.
Later I found out that she had thought me "sub-normal" whatever that means (ret*d?) but changed her mind after that test. I guess there wasn't much understanding of auditory processing issues in those days either.
ASPartOfMe
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When growing up in the 60s and 70s nobody I knew used the phrase “body language”, so neither me nor them knew it was an issue. In retrospect it was noticed but other terminology was used. A few times I was criticized for lack of eye contact but more often people just thought I was rudely showing disinterest in them, lying, or showing fear (that part was true, eye contact being uncomfortable added to the fear as did not understanding what was going on) making me a target.
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DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
FleaOfTheChill
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I was thinking something similar, that body language wasn't a thing when I was a kid.
My teachers knew I got good grades and cared about homework and such. I never got in trouble for that. But it was clear I didn't get on well with my peers...there was no bullying or fights or anything, I just preferred to be alone and that was a problem according to my teachers. I shunned them, and wanted to be alone when I could be. I had eye contact issues, had an odd way of walking, did a thing like hand flapping, and dealt with selective mutism as well. I know I didn't pick up on body language, but because I lacked to vocabulary to say that (as did the adults in my life) that was a non issue compared to me trying to hide under a slide during recess instead of playing with other kids. I think most of my issues were overlooked because I got good grades and wasn't a menace in class. I was just a weird kid to them.
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