Boyfriend was texting other women out of boredom

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isolation_stars
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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06 Aug 2024, 4:11 pm

Yesterday I found out my NT boyfriend of 5 years was texting other women and even discussed with them sex and possibility of meeting up. When I asked him about it, he told me he did it because he was bored and didn't have any intentions of meeting up with them.
On one hand I am inclined to believe him but on the other, this wasn't the first time.

Last November he did the same thing, the only difference being that time it was just one woman. Back than I explained to him how it hurt my feelings, and how it's not fair towards the other woman to play with her emotions if he doesn't mean it.

Yesterday I had almost the same talk with him, and even asked him if he hides anything else, he said no. So I was very disappointed when today I found out he had second Facebook account and was doing the same things on there.

I don't know what to do. I just wanna know the truth, but don't know if I can trust what he said. I don't feel like he is the same person I fell in love with. I don't know if I should give him another chance or break up with him or how to go about it, which is further complicated by the fact that in a few days I'm going on holiday with him, and I started doubting if I even want to go anymore.



Carbonhalo
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06 Aug 2024, 4:39 pm

That's not boredom... That's "keeping his options open"

This behaviour is not going to change.

Ditch !



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06 Aug 2024, 8:27 pm

I think he trying or already has been cheating on you. Time to end the relationship, he clearly has no respect for you.


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06 Aug 2024, 9:14 pm

Yeah, run. Run fast, run now, run while you can.



bee33
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06 Aug 2024, 11:13 pm

He's being inappropriate and disrespectful toward you even if he has no intention of going through with these suggested meetups. It's sad but I think this is a bad sign for your relationship. I usually think it's better to try to work things out but I don't know if it will be possible. Best of luck to you.



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07 Aug 2024, 12:42 am

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. Like the other posters have said this is awful behavior that is unlikely to change. Especially if he has secret accounts and lied to you about them. Also, even if he's not physically cheating on you with these women, there's other kinds of cheating and if he's talking about that kind of stuff with them I'd say it still enters that territory. At the very least he's disrespecting a boundary you very clearly set and that is not okay. The truth of the matter is, based on what you've said, he can't be trusted. He lied to you. Trust is very hard to get back once it is broken. As for whether you should give him another chance: is he doing anything to try to prove to you that you should trust him again? Particularly actions over words?

isolation_stars wrote:
I don't know if I should give him another chance or break up with him or how to go about it, which is further complicated by the fact that in a few days I'm going on holiday with him, and I started doubting if I even want to go anymore.


This definitely further complicates things. What kind of holiday do you have planned? Is it an expensive one far away? Would you be able to dump him and take a friend or family member instead? Are the tickets/accommodations in his name or yours?



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07 Aug 2024, 6:46 am

Carbonhalo wrote:
That's not boredom... That's "keeping his options open"

This behaviour is not going to change.

Ditch !
If he's not intending to cheat he's intentionally catfishing those women. Either way I second this advice.


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07 Aug 2024, 7:13 am

Run, don't walk, in the opposite direction and don't look back.



nick007
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07 Aug 2024, 7:35 am

I thought to add that if he really is getting that bored with you OP, he very likely finds autistics boring due to our need for routines, predictability, & being homebodies. Thus he is not compatible with an autistic partner & breaking up would be best for the both of you.


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isolation_stars
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07 Aug 2024, 9:57 am

Just to clarify, he didn't express he is bored with me or the relationship, he does it when he's bored at work or on commute to/from work.



Carbonhalo
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07 Aug 2024, 2:33 pm

I haven't often seen such consensus in WP.

You deserve to be someone's "bees knees"
This guy thinks you're a bookmark.
I bet he's hunting whenever you're not looking.

I find it incredibly sad having to say that, but I think you should start hunting too.



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08 Aug 2024, 8:23 am

isolation_stars wrote:
Just to clarify, he didn't express he is bored with me or the relationship, he does it when he's bored at work or on commute to/from work.

OP, he thinks little of you if he is messaging other women to talk with.


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rse92
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08 Aug 2024, 9:13 am

isolation_stars wrote:
Just to clarify, he didn't express he is bored with me or the relationship, he does it when he's bored at work or on commute to/from work.


When I had a two hour round trip commute to work and I had nothing in particular to do, I would read the newspaper, not text or sext some woman not my wife. There's a difference there.



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09 Aug 2024, 10:05 pm

I'd ditch him if I were you.


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11 Aug 2024, 8:56 pm

Simply chatting with other women in a friendly manner is fine. But flirting and having sexual conversations is something else. You do not have to have sex or physically meet up with someone to be cheating. You feel hurt because he was deceptive and disloyal to you; trust your feelings. The fact that he has continues the behavior even after you said it hurt you, entirely says that your feelings do not matter to him. And he is going to do what he wants; which means it will continue.

So do you think you can be in a healthy relationship and trust someone that is disloyal, deceptive, and disrespectful towards you?

You can try to have another conversation with him. Tell him what is doing is cheating and it needs to stop. If he agrees to, then you can keep trying. If not, then cut him loose. If he wants to fraternize with other women let him and you can find someone that treats you better. Because you don't deserve that crap.


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17 Aug 2024, 8:34 am

Would it matter if it were only out of boredom? He doesn't respect you nor does he care about you or your feelings.